Jabba the Butt, we found out, is Corey Gillis - a frat graduate who ended up becoming a wrestling coach for the U. S. Olympic team. The brothers showed us a photo. He looks like the actor Chris Penn. Except fatter. A lot fatter. 300 lb. + heavier, I would say.
He arrived that night. The four of us were draped over the back of the living room sofa, bareass. Unfortunately, our butts are fairly hairy - so we get the honor of being shaved every week so our asses are always itchy. Nothing turns a girl off more than a guy who's always scratching his ass we found out.
Anyway, Jabba was treated to the sight of four hairy, wriggling asses being shaved when he strolled in.
"OWW! _f_u_c_k_!" Corey had strolled by and yanked a single hair out of Scotty's right buttcheek. So already we knew the pig fought dirty.
Evan stood over us, watching us with amusement. He absent-mindedly gave Matt (the barber) the order to shave my asshole as well. I'm Italian, and pretty hairy. I groaned with the humiliation as Matt made me spread my cheeks and "crack a smile". I felt like burying my blushing face in the cushions in front of me.
Can you imagine if they were really honest about college life and put a photo of us, four BMOC, getting our assholes shaved againt our will in the brochure? Or howabout Joey and Spike, squatting naked over pans of spaghetti sauce, each with a wooden spoon up his butt, clenching his buns and stirring spaghetti sauce with their butts? Red-faced and grunting as they turn their asses and the spoons stuck up them lewdly, and in a counter-clock-wise direction as the MIGHTY BROTHERS pointed and laughed at their embarrassing predicament in the background?
And then, very carefully I'm lucky to say, he gave my butthole a couple of swipes with a Mach 3. Ever had razor burn in your buttcrack? I don't recommend it, dude.
"So these are the douchebags I gotta wrestle? Jesus Christ could they be any faggier?"
"Nah, not really," Evan replied to Jabba the Butt," You should of seen them in Paddleball. The chubby kid and the farmboy over there actually started rubbing each other after we plugged em' with hot sauce.....You'll take em' down in about three seconds. And when you do - it's loser-time for them!"
"You still got any of Demento's torture crap lying around? You remember the time he made you and I put cucumbers up our....."
"Hey, hey, hey...don't give away any of the fun in the months to come! Let's go down to pub and sink a few."
"Alrighty, but you know," and if we had been facing Jabba instead of our newly shaven asscheeks, we would have seen a sick gleam in his eyes which we would soon become familiar with," these Butts don't look healthy at all...."
"Yeah, we should make sure they're not sick or anything before they face you in the ring. I'll get the first-aid kit..." Evan went rummaging through a drawer, and he and Jabba walked around to the front of us. Evan went around to the front of us, and withdrew four thermometers from the white first aid kit he held.
"Open up Butts!" he announced. THe four of us looked at each other and opened our mouths wide, still bent over, cheek-to-cheek.
Jabba grinned, and commented "Nah, orally isn't reliable with guys this husky. Howzabout the other end?" and Evan lauhed and they strode out of our field of vision.
"Oh, dude, they're gonna take our temperature rectally like babies!" Scotty moaned.
Pop! A thermometer up my butt, and my sphincter and cheeks instinctively closed around it tight.
Pop! One up Scotty's with the tatoo of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish leprechaun on his right buttock.
Pop! One up Joey's and he grumbled and squirmed. He kind of yelped a little, I think Jabba mighta hit his joy button. I know I threw a hardon.
Pop! One up Spike's rump.
Jabba and Evan laughed. The sadistic bastards.
"Okay, nuts to butts in a square! I want each of you to make sure the other guy's temperature is being taken properly! This is all in the interest of good health, my little pledgebutts!"
So, each of us forming a corner, had to make sure the thermometers were held tightly enough in our buddies' assgaps.
"Jeez, not so rough, Scotty!"
"Dude, ease up! You're not drillin' for oil!"
"OOOOFFF!"
Then they had us lie naked on the floor facing the huge mirror on the left side. On our stomachs with our chins resting on our crossed arms in front of us. Like humiliated little boys on the doctor's examining table. All we saw was our blushing faces in front of us, and the four wobbling thermometers spearing our asses behind us. Moaning and groaning.
"Now keep those butts tight until we can get a good reading, ladies. We care about you, now!"
And they left us like that for an hour, knowing if we failed in our duty, worse punishment was to come. And the wrestling match hadn't even happened yet!