Spanking grew in my mind as a fascination and desire over a period of about 15 years before anything actually ever happened. I had secretly ordered audiocassettes from one of the Specialty Studios - as well as printed literature, stories mostly and later, videos. As the interest grew - I was much too timid to try to find someone with whom to experiment.
I'm married - and once asked my wife to spank me. She did - with no enthusiasm whatsoever - so I never brought it up at home again. I thought about that experience a lot and decided there were two reasons I didn't like it - neither of which would by itself have ruled out repeating it and keeping the interest "at home" but the two together just killed the appeal of the act.
One factor was her negative attitude towards it. I determined I wanted to at least be able to IMAGINE that the spanker WANTED to spank me. It was obvious that she didn't! The second reason was that I really wanted to be spanked by a man, not a woman.
So the years flew by as they do. At about age 49, I formed the third gay experience of my life. This was a long distance thing (yes, there were such things before the Internet!) that began and took its shape during a phone call in which he sternly directed me to address him as "Sir." This shocked me at the time but it also excited me enormously.
For a long time the relationship consisted of my writing _s_e_x_ual fantasy stories and sending them to him. He telephoned me and gave me ideas of what appealed to him and I worked that into the stories. I found most of what he cued me to write exciting although he liked to call me "Sissy" and wanted me to cross dress (in the stories and later in reality) and I didn't really like that at all. But hell - isn't _s_e_x_ often about compromise?
Finally we met for real, after months of this mail/phone intimacy. He focused a lot of attention on my ass - which I liked a lot - but no spanking. He guided me to assume a position of tribute to him, naked on the floor or bed, on my knees, chin resting on the floor, both hands spreading open my buttcheeks. He spoke admiringly of the view this provided. His appreciation went straight to my heart as well as my _c_o_c_k_. The _s_e_x_ in this first real meeting included him screwing me (safely, guys, safely!) and another time him getting off as he played with my ass, which was sticking out of the top of a pair of panty hose.
We resumed the writing and calling after that - and I began including spanking in most of the fantasies. I even sent him a ruler, designated as a spanking instrument. More and more I realized I wanted that. A lot. Finally about 9 months after our first meeting, I had reason to travel to the city where he lived and we had another opportunity to meet.
When he opened the door of his apartment at my knock, I dropped to my knees at his feet. This was part of the role-playing of course. He then had me stand and led me into his bedroom, directing me to get on the bed, at the edge on my hands and knees.
He stood at my side and used both hands to caress my body. I was still fully clothed. His left hand worked exclusively on my butt, rubbing it firmly, sliding palm and fingers down my crack between my thighs which were spread wide apart. His right hand assured him that my _c_o_c_k_ was VERY hard and he also used that hand to fiddle with my nipples.
At this point, he put a blindfold on me (it was a neck tie.) Then reaching under me with both hands he undid my pants and lowered them, expressing disappointment that the underwear I had on was men's not women's. A pair of briefs. But nonetheless he continued playing with my body.
Then he pulled my underwear down to my knees (I was still on hands and knees so he could take 'em no further down) and continued rubbing and stroking my now bare butt, speaking in a low reassuring voice. Then he murmured "just a second," left my side briefly and came back with something which he handed me and said "do you know what this is?"
It was the ruler! I said softly "it's the ruler! Thank you, Master!" And he said, "You're welcome, Sissy."
Then he began to use it. He rubbed my bare, spread butt with it and then began some light swats. I wish I had asked him to spank me harder but somehow I didn't even think of it, maybe because as the Master it seemed HE should be in charge.
But I did get a sampling of spanking and it confirmed that I loved it.
It also brought to my mind the thought that I would also love being the SPANKER but it would have to be within the context of a relationship where it fit - and with only certain body types. Male of course. Relatively little body hair on the spanked fellow would be best for me. Probably a guy considerably younger although I don't think I have ANY interest in children (for which I'm grateful.)
I find the few friends who know about my spanking interest tend to think it's laughable. As you probably know, dear reader, it is NOT laughable to me, not at ALL. It IS somewhat of a point of regret - being gay or bi_s_e_x_ual is enough of a challenge, but having a special interest that is found to be ridiculous by many gay brothers is further alienation or at least that is how I experience it.
I would appreciate e-mail responses to this account, and for that matter to THE AWAKENING - the serialized story I'm working on.
By the way - I haven't been spanked since that trip and that was three years ago. My "Master" and I are not a couple anymore. I ended it out of my feelings of guilt for cheating on my wife.