Wednesday, early, I was sleeping peacefully alone in my own bed.
I was partially awakened by a hand on my lower back. "You're sweaty, smart-ass. What are you doing sleeping in a jock? It's not healthy, especially in this climate. _s_h_i_t_, it is so hot in here! Come on, we need a shower." With that, he smacked my exposed butt.
"What?? Hunnh? No, sir, wait, I can exp--!"
"Holy _s_h_i_t_, you really are sleeping with that crummy old bear." He slapped me again. "How old are you?" Owww, he slapped me again in disgust.
David!!! I knew he was on the red eye, but he was supposed to go to Mom and Dad's where it would be safe to see him. What the hell was he doing at my place?!
"Don't hurt me, please, I'm sorr--" I gasped dazedly.
He was only going to be in town two days. Mom had arranged for him to audit Dad's surgical procedure. David was going to hold the old man's hand.
"Just do as you're told, hairball." He snapped huskily. "Baby brother, when I have time, you are going to be generously whupped." I was already on the move, frantically plotting how to handle the situation. _d_a_m_n_, I was having the worst luck lately.
I rinsed off quickly to escape as he went at it. Doctors, whew, compulsive. Shaking nervously, I climbed back into bed. I hated that he could still intimidate me so much.
"Move over, I need some sleep so I don't come off as some kind of half wit today." I wisely kept my mouth shut, he was churlish and talkative when tired. "What's that smell, that better not be dope or I'll...(SMACK! SMACK!) that's incense, isn't it? I've told you before that it's dangerous to keep your key in such a stupid place. Anyone could have let themselves in. (SLAP!) Do you want to get robbed, especially in this neighborhood." Owwwch! I didn't have anything worth stealing.
"Is that your new bike downstairs? Sleek. It looks too heavy for you. You've got enough locks and _s_h_i_t_ on that! I'm surprised you don't have it chained to your ankle." If I could have lifted it up the _d_a_m_n_ stairs, I would have.
"Daddy told me you got another speeding ticket." Hell, he's a lawyer with more connections than A. T.&T. No privacy no how.
WHACK! "What was it, 97 in a what, 55, 60 zone? Like you can afford that kind of money. You know you're going to lose your license."
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
"Do you want to splatter your brains all over the highway for some news chopper, breaking story, video at six? Do you want to do that to your family? Idiot!!" SMACK! SMACK! "If I hear of another ticket like that, I'm going to personally smash the _s_h_i_t_ out of your precious bike. Got it, runt?"
He slid in next to me, still damp from the shower. "How many times have I told you not to sleep on your stomach, it twists your spine. Do you want back problems? (WHACK! WHACK! SLAP!) Why aren't you and Mama controlling Daddy's diet? This could have been prevented." He must have been delusional with worry, he mentioned me, Dad and control in the same sentence.
Dad does not take advice from anyone except his broker and his accountant. I don't think he even sees me as an adult, otherwise how did I get the paddle at least five times this past year, beaten with one of his new Ping clubs and had a tennis racquet broken on my butt when he found out I threw a doubles match with one of his partners, because I had a bet on the outcome.
I got up again, headed for the john, really bent on escape. "What SPF are you using, is that Bull Frog? I know a good dermatologist, I'll give him your name." He was shadowing me. I saw him in the mirror behind me, big, blond and belligerent. He looked great, really prime, his thick heavily veined _c_o_c_k_ already half hard. "What are you doing, it's four in the morning." Did he ever take a breath?
I told him I was going for a run again since I was awake. "No you're not. It's too hard on your knees, too late and too dangerous. I'm not going down to some morgue to identify your stupid ass. Get back to bed before I knock you across the room." Same old David, same sweet talk. I toyed with trying to get past him. That was a stupid idea. David is well over 6', I'm, well...under.
"You need an attitude adjustment, little man." He grabbed me by the arm to hold me, then smacked my ass in rapid succession. Owwwww!! _d_a_m_n_, he still treats me like a kid.
Back in bed, he pulled me into his chest spoon fashion. "You need a haircut and that is one sorry excuse for a mustache. I've got more hair on my hand. You shave that off, looks ridiculous." He tugged sharply at my goatee.
"Still working out? Be careful, I don't want to hear you bitching about torn muscles." I had never in my life complained to him about anything like that. The lecture would have been never ending. His hands roamed my body efficiently, ugh, I was waiting for him to tell me to cough. "You got your navel pierced! _s_h_i_t_, you dummy, was that a legal shop? Isn't it enough that you have all those god_d_a_m_n_ earrings? When was your last physical?" He was busily checking to make sure that I hadn't altered my best friend. "Are you up to date on your tests?"
Back off brother. He makes me nuts, he knows I'm clean. With two doctors in the immediate family, the last thing I am is careless, but he was making me squirm with his fingers. He put one of his iron arms around me then smacked me across the side of the head. "You cut that out, you little prick!"
Enough! I elbowed him in the ribs.
"Would you calm down! I'm concerned about you, you little jerk off!" SMACK! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
"Would you quit fighting me? I'm trying to talk to you, _d_a_m_n_ it! I'm trying to apologize!" My ears were still ringing, did he say apologize? "This doesn't mean that I'm not going to beat your ass, are you listening to me? Look, when you first came here, no one but me took charge and you know, _d_a_m_n_ it, you never got a spanking you didn't need."
"I told Erika. I showed her your, um, version of what happened and we talked..._s_h_i_t_, you know, I've forgotten all that. You should too. After all, we were just kids." I reminded him that I had been a kid, he was eighteen when he left for college. I could feel his body stiffen.
"She said if it had been her, she would have come after me with a baseball bat, not a bunch of words. We're getting married next year when she graduates. You'll be my best man." Was he yanking me? Well, I really liked her: smart, funny and beautiful. Right, too good for him.
"Are you sure, I mean that yo--?" I could feel his semi riding my cheeks, probably enjoying the warmth. It had been a long time since he...well, you know.
"Of course, you're my baby brother. Who else would I ask?" I was thinking of his best friend. "Even though you can be a treacherous, trouble-making mutt, you evil little _s_h_i_t_." I was speechless. He was spinning me.
"Cut that out, god_d_a_m_n_it! (WHACK! WHACK!) I suppose I'll have to have a box of kleenex just for you at the wedding." I had turned onto my stomach again. He mistook my reaction for tears and he would have killed me if he knew I was laughing!
"You'd better not embarrass me! Nobody knows you're gay. _s_h_i_t_, Erika only knows now because of you, you twisted little tool." He grumbled, as he smacked me two or three times again. "What did I tell you about sleeping on your belly!" Hey, I was starting to enjoy myself.
"..and you're going to wear a tux. You're not looking like some _f_u_c_k_ing little gangster in front of her family!" SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Owwww! I know, I'm not stupid!
He didn't wait for me to answer. When David got going there wasn't much of a chance to get a word in edge ways, anyhow. He laid on his back, pulled my head onto his chest and my right leg over his. He had poled up and was trying to talk himself down.
"I heard you had to cancel your vacation with A. J. Well, all you guys ever do is dive and windsurf. What a waste of time. So, are you moving in with the big stud when you get back? _s_h_i_t_, a geezer's toy boy. Did he put those bruises on your ass?" He was sounding strange, emotional. "You be careful over there, don't drink too much and stay out of trouble or I'm going to suture every significant orifice shut." SLAP! SLAP!
I didn't think that would endear him to the 'geezer', as he so quaintly put it.
"I can't wait to meet this one. Even Daddy likes him. You need a keeper and someone to curb that _f_u_c_k_ing self-destructive streak." WHACK! I wanted to tell him that I was worried about Daddy, too. WHACK! WHACK!
Then he said something that I'm still trying to figure out. "About what I did, all right, you turned me on. You were so _d_a_m_n_ vulnerable, I did it because I could. Come on, Boo. You got mad, you got even. Stop writing. OK? I want to make it all up to you now. Will you let me?" I nodded against his hairy chest, not totally happy with his apology.
"What can I do to make you forgive and forget?" He was probably thinking of some expensive little bauble for my bike. I had sort of forgiven him, but he didn't have to know that.
Never give a wronged brother an edge. The snakecharmer in me said so innocently, "Do me."
"Bite me!" So I did. WHACK! WHACK! SLAP! Owwwwww! That hurt!!
"You really are a psychotic little brat!! You're going to get it but good!" SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Owww, owww.
Hmmm, I was getting a nice glow on, not to mention an awesome bulge against his bare thigh. Ahhh, memories...
"It's my turn, big brother. You better do it good, or I'm going to tell."