Chawing on a weed, Jon Henry wuz mowing tham there thar lawn, with the ol' lawnmower. Yuppers, he wuz dressed bare, 'cept for his jean overalls and dat there weed thar in his mouth! But Pops thot he wun't doing so good mowing thar aformentioned lawn. "Jon Henry, you little dog! Boy, you better be puttin' yo' back into it, BIATCH!!!! 's too late, boy! Gimme dat!!!"
Pops wuz real red and angry, throwed down his xxx beer, broke into a whole lotta little pieces, huh huh huh!!! Pops done taketh that lawnmower there and started blindly swingin' it round and round and round and round in lotso big circles!!! Jon Henry surely wuz runnin' 'way from Pops there, and his overalls came right off. He wuz butt naked runnin' 'round in circles, Pops chasin' with dee lawnmower. WHACK! Right on Jon Henry's butt. Pieces of his butt there went flyin' all over, and Pops wuz drenched in blood. But he kept swingin' away like there wuz no tomorrow*!!! WHACK WHACK WHACK!!! Pops done git him three times on that one!!! One, two, three!!! HUH HUH HUH!!! Now Jon Henry had a nice mutilated crater instead of his hairy ol' butt. I sorta envied the boy, then. Blood all over the place, lawnmower still spinnin' sendin' razor wheels of blood all over. It wuz rainin' pieces of Jon Henry's ass!!!
"I ain't thru wit you, boy!!!" yelled Pops! Then momma waddled out.
"POPPAAAaaaaaaaHHHHHH!!!!!! You done cut up that boy thar's ass!!! You bitch!!! You'll pay for that!!!" Momma done pull out her gatling gun then and started blowing everything away in sight, her face lighting up an eerie orange glow behind the firewall of exhaust and bullet shells. She hit Poppa right in the chest which done burst right open. His ribs and heart popped out then disentegrated in that thar blast there. A whole mess of paddles flew out, too. She done killed all the butterflies too!!!
Then "BUTTERFLY MAN!!!" came from the sky. That there gay but muscular man ate momma's gatling gun and bent her, the 448 pound whale she is, over his lap and began spanking her. With the lawnmower!!!
"How about a free liposuction, momma!!!" screamed butterfly man very gay-ly. All her fat and blubber and blood and internal tissue like organs flew everywhere. Jon Henry wuz still trying to pick up all them pieces of his butt. Then I jumped in. JON! JON! Go help momma!!! By then, though she wuz a skeleton with flesh sparcely hanging off it.
"BUTTERFLY MAN HAS SAVED THE DAY!!!!" I yelled. Then butterfly man flew away leaving only me, and my dead family all bled to death. huh, huh, huh!!! Time to watch Roseanne! But I drove away in my tractor to the sunset, to be adopted by another family...
*There was no tomorrow, because the nuclear holocaust was the next day.
This was simply a joke story, not to be taken seriously, as an intermission between the Cyborg Stories. I in no way condone the storage of paddles in the chest cavity, the application of lawnmowers, gatling guns, or any sharp blades to the buttocks or bodies of southerners, rednecks, or any living creature, including butterflies, except maybe for maggots and fourteen million headed monkeys, cuz they are annoying as hell. And monkeys shouldn't have that many _d_i_c_k_s, anyway.