The train keeps rolling on and on and on!!! If you are new to the series, shame on you! Where have you been? If you are a longtime reader, then now is an excellent time to go back and reread some of the stuff.
Also, some other required reading can be found over in the "Y. Lee Coyote" archive, also here in MMSA Stories. His "Camp Tails" series has crossed over a number of times, but (in particular) there is a story there called "Awesome Power, Awesome Responsibilty" that you will have to read if you want to get the most out of the following "I, Babysatter" story.
Hope it all makes sense to you...enjoy!
We never did the paint ball the day after my 15th birthday. Not because of anything that had happened that night, but because the weather got bad again. Dad promised to take us all there when we had a nice weekend.
(It wouldn't be until the next summer, and then it was just me and Gavin and this girl Cleo, that I met at school).
The day after my 15th birthday, Gavin and I didn't talk about what happened. Not about Lee spanking him, or about him spanking me, or (especially) about me stroking his 11 year old prick off. We simply greeted the next morning as if nothing had happened. He just wanted to go home and get some sleep - he swears he didn't sleep at all that night. I let him go without any effort to talk about things. In the harsh (overcast) light of day, we don't do _s_h_i_t_ like that. Even though we had such a nice talk before I went to sleep, the next day it was like nothing happened. We were getting good at that.
Lee and I didn't say anything either. I didn't bring up about Dad spanking him, he didn't bring up about Gavin spanking me. I especially didn't bring up about his pubes being shaved off, and he...well...he didn't bring up about Gavin spanking me. The next morning, the only thing out of place... the only thing that seemed unusual... was the way he and Vince kept looking at each other and smiling. It got me wondering what might have happened when they were alone, but like all things between us...I didn't ask, and Lee didn't tell.
Then there was Vincent...
Hmmmm...yeah, Vinny, Vinny, Vincent...
Vince was the wild card.
All he wanted to talk about when Sunday rolled around, and I had to go over to his house and babysit him, was what happened Friday night.
"So, how long has Gavin been spanking you?" he asked point blank. "Was it really since last summer?"
"I thought you wanted to play Tarzan this week?"
"I do!" he said, slipping the loin cloth on again.
"No more questions about me and Gavin then."
"Fine, fine, fine," he said.
"So, how are we going to play the game this week?"
"I am little Tarzan, and you are Papa Gorilla," he said, his erection pushing the cloth out of it's way. "You'll have to spank me as hard as your Daddy, ok?"
"Ok."
"Man, your Dad is a hard spanker! My bottom still stings," he said.
"Uh - huh."
"Good thing Gavin spanks you instead of him, huh?"
"Hey! I told you I really don't want to talk about Gav right now."
"Lee thinks there might be more."
"He does, huh?"
"He wouldn't say what he thinks."
"I wouldn't listen to a guy who likes shaving his own pubic hair off, Vince."
Vincent started laughing. "He didn't shave it off, silly!"
"He's hit puberty, dude," I told him. "I know he use to have a bunch of hair down there."
"I know, but he didn't want to shave it off."
"He didn't?" I asked. _d_a_m_n_, did Vince know...? Wait! Of course he did! Vincent was making it his business to know everyone's business! "Who shaved it off?"
"He did, but not because...ahhhhh...never mind..."
"What?" Finally! Some dirt!!
"Never mind," Vince said, putting his hands on his slender hips. "Tarzan no wanna talk about Lee's pubes no more." He then cleared his throat - I knew he planned on keep the secret between him and Lee. At least for now. "UGH!" he shouted.
"Vince," I said, as delicately as I could. "All I'm saying is, you shouldn't believe everything Lee has to say."
"Why?" he said, breaking back out of character.
"He has a dirty mind."
"Oh," Vince laughed, rolling his eyes. "I already know THAT!"
Hmmm...Vince didn't say much else, which was fine. It made my job spanking him that Sunday all the easier.
Sunday night rolled around, and I finally got around to reading the e-mails Lee gave me from his camp buddy. The papers were actually next to my bed, which surprised me because I didn't remember taking them out of the book bag. They were filled with stories of him shaving his brother, and spanking him. All the kids at his school seemed to know.
That got me thinking about Lee... how was it that HE could get away with it and no one not know?
That got me thinking some more... did he get the idea of shaving himself from Tom's e-mails?
So many questions...
That first Monday back at school Lee didn't talk to me. Part of me was cool with that, but part of me was still obsessing about his crotch (someone recently accused me of having 'Penis Envy.' You don't think so, do you?)
Anyway, most of Monday I spent my time (once again) wondering how Lee had gotten away with being shaved down there without everyone at school knowing - well, everyone in the boy's showers at gym.
"He has to shower, right?!" I said to Gavin on Tuesday.
Vince had really gotten me thinking about this. I desperately wanted to ask Lee if he was doing it himself, or was there someone else? And if so - who? And why?
"I bet a lot of those guys never saw Lee back at Junior High," Gavin told me, when I brought this up to him on that Wednesday.
"What do you mean?"
"Well," he sighed, obviously tired of me rambling on and on about it. "You said yourself that there is a bunch of new kids everywhere now that you are in High School, how even Lee is a stranger with most of the dudes."
I nodded - I knew where he was going. "Yeah, so I guess it makes sense that it's not that big of a deal because none of the other kids in his gym would know he has no hair down there. I mean, no one, other than me, would know..."
"Or care."
"Shut up...no one would know that he use to have hair down there."
Gavin nodded back, very all-knowing.
One question solved, but _d_a_m_n_...a whole bunch more...
Of course I knew Lee was just as curious about me and Gavin. The fact that he talked with Vincent about it kind of bothered me. I was worried if he talked with anyone else about his theories and opinions.
And if so, who?
By Thursday of that week after my birthday nightmare, everything seemed back to normal. Lee and I had resumed our "don't ask/don't tell" attitude. I had a feeling that it would be all right. I even stopped obsessing about the smoothe skin around Lee's nuts.
La-de-daaaa...I wasn't thinking about that...no sir, not me...
I really didn't have anything to worry about. In fact, the only weird aftershock was that Lee told me that if there was ever a weekend I couldn't watch Vince, I should give him a call.
"I could use the extra money," he said.
"I bet that's all there is," I teased, as he grinned.
That Friday, one week after my birthday, Dad and I went down to Pittsburgh to watch the Penguin's first game of the year, against the Stanley Cup champions, Dallas Stars. It was so great to be out just the two of us. He asked me if I wanted to invite Gav or Lee, but I just wanted some quality Dad time. We yelled and screamed until we lost our voices. It was just what the two of us needed.
Too bad the good times are always so short.
The following week Gav started acting strange again. I had no idea what was going on - he wouldn't talk about it. I could only assume that it had something to do with him and his home life, but he wasn't talking.
"You know you can talk to me about anything, dude," I told him.
"I know," he said. "I will."
I wanted to give him a little hug, but it was the cold light of day again, and dudes just didn't do that sort of thing. Jerking each other off in a crowded room is one thing, but hugs... well... there are rules about when that was appropriate. People might talk.
Speaking of talking, Gavin finally did.
On Saturday, October 9th - two weeks after the birthday party, he told me what was wrong.
_d_a_m_n_!
He stopped over early and watched "Sponge Bob Square Pants" on Nickelodeon. He didn't laugh like an idiot like he usually did (he loves Sponge Bob Square Pants). He just sat there very quiet, looking like he was trying to memorize a Shakespearian monologue.
Crap...did I want this?
I could tell he was ready to talk, but I didn't want to initiate it. As much as I wanted him to feel like he could tell me whatever the problem was, I also was really afraid of what he would say.
Were his parents divorcing?
Did Lee or Vincent say or do something?
Was he upset with me - did he now think I had molested him?
Was he flunking school?
Was he moving away?
God, the thoughts that were going through my head - it could have been anything.
((I really should have known better)).
"I brought your magazines back," he said very quietly, during a commercial.
"Magazines?"
"Yeah...the dirty ones."
"Oh!"
"They are in my bag."
"Ok," I said. "Thanks."
Was that it? I had actually forgotten about those things.
"I'm really sorry I took them," he sighed. "That was really uncool."
"It's ok," I assured him. "You are like my brother, so what I have is yours."
He looked at me blankly.
"What?"
"You don't think what I did was stealing?"
I thought about it for a moment. "No, not really. I understand."
"You do."
"Yeah. It's ok. I shouldn't have freaked out on you, and Lee really had no business spanking you."
Gavin didn't say anything else.
"What is it?" I finally asked. "Is it the magazines? Is this really bugging you?"
"It has something to do with the magazines," he said. "I am just thinking about you and me, and this whole arrangement we have."
I looked down at my feet. "Oh," I said. "What part of the arrangement are you thinking about?"
"All of it," he said. "How it doesn't seem to be working."
"Why would you say that?"
"I - I should have been more mature and not taken something that w - was yours without you knowing about it," he started to cry. Man! Something really was heavy on his mind. There was more to this, though - I could just tell.
"Gavin, you need to chill," I said. "What you did was ok. You hear me? I am not upset. I was at the time, but that was two weeks ago. Besides, it was not stealing, ok?"
He stared at me, his eyes looking at me deeply.
He didn't say anything, though.
"What?"
"I have been e-mailing Lee's friend, Tom, this last week and..."
"You have WHAT?!" I yelled. "ARE YOU INSANE?"
"What?"
"You NEVER e-mail people you don't know on the internet, dude! It's just not safe!"
"Lee knows him, it's cool."
"No - no it isn't!" I was livid. "Did Lee give you his e-mail address? Did he think it was FUNNY if you e-mailed him?"
"No!" Gav shouted. "Lee doesn't know anything about it!"
"That is such bull_s_h_i_t_, Gavin!" I was beyond furious. I was shaking. "How ELSE could you have gotten that guy's e-mail address?"
"From his e-mail!"
"From his e-mail? When did you see his...ahhh, S H I T!"
"WHAT?!"
"You read his e-mails after I went to sleep, on my birthday? Didn't you! You went through my book bag and read his e-mails even after I told you I didn't want you to!"
"I thought you were TEASING!" he snapped back. "And then, you - you tell me to find something to read in your bag. I thought it would be cool."
"Don't give me that you didn't know what you were doing garbage, Gav," I said, standing up, and pacing the room. I could not believe for the last two weeks Gavin had been e-mailing that guy. "Why did you e-mail him?"
"I dunno."
"You e-mailed him to brag to him, didn't you? You e-mailed him to play the big man, and brag that you too get to spank someone older than you, ADMIT IT!?"
"NO!"
"God, I bet he's been filling Lee in on all of this."
"NO! He said it was just between us!"
"You made up that stuff about not being able to sleep in a strange bed, didn't you?" I accused. "Just so I could fall asleep. JUST so you can start reading the e-mail!"
"NO! That's not how it happened."
"After you KNEW I didn't want you to e-mail him! You keep forgetting, Gav, that you are still a little kid! There are things you shouldn't be exposed to!"
"Shut up."
"I should tell your folks!"
"SHUT UP!"
"Don't tell me to shut up!"
"I will!" he screamed. "SHUT UP!"
"No, you shut up!"
"No, you shut up!"
"No, YOU shut up!"
"No, you shut up!"
"You shut up!"
"No, you shut up!"
"Dude, you shut up!"
"NO! You shut up!"
"No, you shut up!"
"Shut up!"
"No, you shut up!"
"No!! YOU SHUT UP!!"
"This is JUST as bad as swiping my magazines!"
"You didn't even care about that!" he yelled back.
"The combination of this and that...ah, Gavin!" I closed my eyes, hoping I would calm down. "What's happening to you?"
"YOU is what's happened to ME!"
"What?"
"It's like I was saying," he said. "YOU are a crummy role model! NO wonder I don't know any better."
"This isn't my fault, dude. Don't even try and put this on me. If it's anyone's fault, it's Dad's for creating this _f_u_c_k_ed up relationship."
"It's not his fault," Gav said back. "It's the fault of someone who STEALS and who doesn't realized he has a PROBLEM!"
((((no - no - no - no - no)))))
My heart sank...
((((no - no - no - no - no)))))
...oh my god!
((((no - no - no - no - no)))))
That's what this was all about!!
((((no - no - no - no - no)))))
Gavin somehow had found out about the video game!!!
((((no - no - no - no - no)))))
"What did you say?" I asked. I needed to make sure.
"Of course you're not upset about me stealing the magazines, because you are an even bigger thief!"
"How - ahhhhh - why - ahhhhhhhh - who told you this?" I finally was able to spit out. "This does not sound like you."
"Tom said so."
"Tom?!" I was ready to explode - there was that name again. "Why the HELL would Tom comment on me? I don't even know him!"
"But he knows about you from Lee," Gavin pointed out. "And he told me about it."
OH! _s_h_i_t_!
I could not believe this! HE KNEW! Gavin had found out from Tom about the video game, because Tom found out about it from Lee, who I actually told!
OH MY GOD.
"I can't believe you would do something like that and then turn around and get upset about this stuff," Gavin said, shaking his head. "You are so inconsistent."
"Gavin," I whispered. "I - I am so sorry. I didn't realize that - that was what you were talking about - that was - was what you had been thinking about all week."
"You have a real problem, Matt."
"But I did it for you, Gav," I said.
"What? What the hell is that suppose to mean?"
"I knew you wanted the game," I started to explain. "So when I had a chance, I, oh god, I am so sorry Gavin." I was now the one begging for forgiveness.
He just looked at me. Eyes wide open. His face totally pale. He looked as if all of the wind had just been knocked out of him.
"Gavin," I said, wiping away a tear. "Please say something."
He didn't.
What..?
What did this mean...?
Ahhhhhh....CRAP!
It took me a few moments of looking at him to realize, that Gavin had not known at all!
CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!!!
I had just so totally screwed myself!
((((no - no - no - no - no)))))
My friend was only talking about stealing in general, and that he didn't actually know about me stealing that video game for him over a months ago!!!
"You...you stole my birthday gift for me?" he finally came out and asked, so softly I almost didn't hear him over the sound of his heart breaking.
"Gavin...I...I thought that's what you were meaning...I ..."
"You thought Tom told me about the stealing?" he asked. "Why would Tom know about that...unless...oh god, Lee knows about this too?"
I tried to say anything. For a moment I had lost the ability to speak.
"Tom didn't tell me anything, Matt," he said, tears welling up in his eyes. "I can show you the e-mails. He was commenting on me taking your magazines."
"Is that all he said?" I was able to ask.
"He thought that you were a bad role model, like I said, because of your history."
"My history? What history?"
Gavin didn't say anything. He just shook his head - maybe the defensive mode wasn't the best right then.
"Gavin, dude, I am so, so sorry!" I said, kneeling down in front of him. "Please, don't be mad at me. It wasn't like I stole anything for me."
"I'm not mad, Matt," he said, looking away - he couldn't even look at me. "I can't believe you did that, dude," Gavin said, looking at me very briefly with such disappointment, before looking away again.
"Ah, come on, Gav," I said. "It really isn't that big of a deal."
"Yes it is, Matt. Yes it is," Gavin got up off of the floor, and sat down on the sofa. He looked totally shattered - as if I had told there was no Santa Claus. "How could you do this?" he whispered.
"I - I'm - I'm sorry, Gav," I said, sitting at his feet. "I - I - I know this was wrong..."
"Do you?" he said, with an angry look I don't remember seeing before. "Do you know it's wrong?"
"Of course I do, Gav."
"Of COURSE you do?" he shouted. "Of COURSE you do? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? That means NOTHING coming from YOU!"
"Oh, Gavin," I said, crying. "Please...please don't say that."
"Bull _s_h_i_t_," he said shaking his head. "That is bull_s_h_i_t_. You have NO clue what you have done! How in the world ...?" he stopped talking and just searched for words, but they didn't come.
"Gavin?"
"This - this is so much worse than ANYTHING you have done!" he finally pronounced. "You realized that, right?"
"Yeah, I think I do."
"I don't think you understand," he said. "At this point, I'm not sure you ever will."
I was silent for a moment.
Then I sighed.
I knew what had to be done.
"No, I - I understand," I said, standing up, as I began to undo my belt. "And I un - understand what needs to be done."
"No," he said, with shake of the hand.
"What do you mean, 'No?'" I said, stopping from pulling my pants down. "I did something really wrong, and you need to punish me."
"You just don't get it, Matt," Gavin said. "It's like they've said. You've got a problem."
"A problem?" I said, laughing. "Oh, Gav, no I don't. I just, well, I was short on money and I saw..."
"Stop it," he said, closing his eyes and burying his head in his hands. "Just stop it. I can't - I just can't stomach you trying to excuse this away any more." Man, when did he suddenly start sounding so adult?
"Gav," I said, leaning over and stroking his hair. "I did it for you." He jerked away from my hand, and looked up. I could see an equal amount of hurt and rage pent up behind those eyes.
"You have a problem," he said again. "Why is it that an even an eleven year old kid can see it and...and you can't?"
"Dude," I said, buckling my pants back up. "Everyone steals from time to time."
"No they don't," he said. "Don't try and play that."
"What - what about you and my magazines?" I asked.
"And I was wrong," he said. "But what about you? What about how you reacted to that? Like it was no big deal."
"Well it wasn't," I said, with a shrug. "Not in the grand scheme of things. Not compared to our friendship."
"Ah, man," he said, shaking his head. "Lee was trying to tell me about this at the party!"
"What?"
"When he said that stealing magazines could lead to something bigger, like stealing a video game! He was coming right out and telling me, wasn't he?" he yelled. "Dang, I feel like such an idiot!!"
"Gav, you are not an idiot, and this is not a big deal."
"Yes it was. It was a huge deal, and Lee had the right idea at the time," he said, looking right through me. "At least there was one person that night that knew the difference between right and wrong and wasn't afraid to teach a little boy that lesson!"
"Gavin, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that, and I've been saying it all along, you have been a lousy role-model, Matt," he said, repeating, "And I'm saying that you have a serious problem. Anyone who steals so non-sha-sha-shal..."
"Nonchalantly?"
"Yeah, anyone who steals like that, and doesn't realize it, has a problem." He was totally disgusted with me.
"This - this was a one time thing," I insisted. "It's not like I do this all the time."
He just looked at me and didn't say anything.
"What?" I finally had to say.
"What about the baseball cards you took from Lee? What about the $5.00 you took out of your Dad's wallet for the movie? What about the banana you took rom the supermarket?" he said, in rapid fire succession. "This," he said, pointing at the television, as if it represented the video game. "Was not just a one time thing." He stood up.
"Gavin, come on," I said. "I know it was wrong, and I'm willing for you to punish me now."
"Like you would have any choice in the matter?" he snapped. "I am so ashamed to have you as a friend." He then walked past me, and went home. I just stood there, and looked down at the floor, and began to cry as hard as I would have as if Gavin really had beat me that day.
I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room. I felt so full of hurt and shame. It was a worse feeling, crying like that, than if he had spanked me. I actually found myself wishing he had done it. Then I would know that it is all over. This way - well, this way I didn't know what to expect.
And at the same time I felt bad for him - it was so unfair to have to put him in a position of authority. Not just for me, but for him. This had to have been too much. If it had been Dad, he would have known what to do right then and there. But poor Gavin - normally he would take pointers from me, but this one was too big for him to trust me.
About an hour later the phone rang. To my delight it was Gavin.
"I want you to come with me to the mall," Gav said.
"We are?" I said softly. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe..."
"No, this is not on your turns, Matt. They are on mine. Ok?"
"Ok...sure...whatever you say, Gav."
"We're going to return the game."
For the first time, ever, Gavin was really in charge of the show!