A PRICE TO PAY

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Date: Sat, 10 Feb 1996 16:47:32 -0500
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It's a long drive from Oklahoma back to my home in New Mexico, but that autumn I wasn't aware of the passing miles and the time; my mind kept going back to summer when my uncle, J.D. , and I had rediscovered each other and our special relationship....

The night of J.D.'s whipping is still one of my most vivid memories. After that whipping, which I had given to him in a towering rage, he and I spent the night in his room. It was an unusual night, to say the least. J.D. had never been with a man before, so his efforts to participate in our lovemaking were hesitant and unsure. I know, too, that he was filled with guilt and doubt about what we were doing, at conflict with a lifetime of country values and old-fashioned morality. I was determined, though, not to let ANY walls exist between us anymore; in my opinion, we had already wasted too many years, held back too much affection and caring that could never be recovered.

If we were going to continue our relationship, I knew that for me it had to include _s_e_x_, too, beside family affections and hot discipline. So, I pressed on, and tried to make it as uncomplicated as possible for the man whom I had loved and dreaded for 17 years. I remember that my uncle was more than a little surprised that I knew as much as I did about gay _s_e_x_, and his utter shock when I maneuvered us into mutual climax. We held on to each other for dear life afterwards, and I can still feel both of our tears mingling on my neck, without any sound except the slowing rhythms of our breathing. J.D.'s ass was still warm from the strapping earlier in the evening, and as I stroked his butt and drifted off to sleep, I knew that my turn was coming in the morning.

Again I was woken by a tremendous WHACK! on my bare ass under the sheets, and leaping out of bed rubbing my bottom, faced J.D., who stood there staring at me with a questioning smile on his face. "Gonna sleep all morning again, boy?" he said. I had gotten used to his little joke; it was never later than 6:00 or 6:15 when he woke me this way. "No, Sir!" I answered. "That's good, son, 'cause breakfast's ready, we've got chores to do, your car to get fixed, and later, a little talk we need to have out behind the stables!" he continued, and at the bit about our "little talk" his face dropped the smile, and he looked deadly serious. "Oh God", I thought, "that's right. I did mention that last night, didn't I?" He walked out, and I hurried to get showered and dressed. J.D. doesn't like his breakfast cold, and I didn't want to add that to the list of things I would have to answer for later that day.

Not much was said at breakfast. J.D. talked a little about what we needed to get done that morning, and where I could find the most honest and reliable auto body shop in that area. He didn't mention his whipping of the night before, and I knew that was part of his code; once a man's taken his medicine, it isn't brought up again, you just get on with business. I hadn't seen his behind that morning, but I knew it still had to be red and swollen, with some mighty wicked looking bruises developing from the tops of his thighs to the small of his back. He didn't say a word, though I noticed that he took a little extra care sitting down and getting up from the kitchen table.

The morning passed quickly, and most of the chores were easily handled by the two of us working together. As we were straightening out the equipment in the stables, I remembered again the strapping I had got all those summers ago when I'd ruined a piece of J.D.'s tack; my mind raced ahead to what I knew would be a similar experience that afternoon, although this time I would be an active and willing participant in the "fun and games". My uncle surprised me at the end of the morning, though; "You know, son, I wish you could be here more often, like on a real regular basis, if you know what I mean. Your help sure is welcomed, makes my work a lot easier, and I get the feeling that you don't mind the old ranch near as much as you did when you were a kid. Do you?" he said. Right then, I didn't know what to say. I guess I hadn't thought much beyond the immediate moment, but suddenly a plan began to take shape in my mind. I knew I had would have to give it some serious thought.

Could I make the adjustment to living here in the middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma? Would I be able to salvage any of my business and move it here? And if I did, could J.D. and I actually live together the way I knew I would want it to be, or was that too much to ask of him? "Well, J.D., I don't know;" I said. "Are you asking me to move out here with you? Have you thought about what you're saying, and what we'd have to do to make it work?".

He looked long and hard at me, and after a while I began to get a little nervous; those green eyes always made me shaky. He looked away, and coiling up some rope that he'd been untangling, he just said, "I know exactly what I'm saying, boy. I always do.". Well. That settled that, I guess. I wasn't going to fall in ass over teakettle, though, so I replied,"Let me think about it, okay, J.D.? It's a big move, and there's a lot I have to consider.". He didn't say a word, but just kept on working, and we didn't mention the subject any more that morning.

After lunch, J.D. and I hooked up the towing bar from his truck to my car, and took the car into Ponca City, the nearest town that was likely to have a shop that could fix the damage. J.D. made a few calls, and we eventually managed to get the business taken care of, and I would have my car back in about a week. On the way back to the ranch, we stopped at the Jumper Inn in Fairfax, and J.D. ordered two beers after we sat down. It wasn't the dinner hour yet, so we had the place pretty much to ourselves, especially after my uncle told the starry-eyed waitress that he wanted to "talk to his boy private-like, so why don't you mosey away for awhile, honey?". I wanted to laugh at that, but didn't dare; J.D. would have been REALLY pissed if I had. He didn't waste time. "You remember the last time I gave you a beer, son? It was a few years back, and I haven't changed a lot since then. When we get home, I want you to march out to the hayrack and take all your clothes off.

You wait there 'till I come on out. I told you we were going to have our discussion today, didn't I? And I've been thinking that we need to discuss a couple of things; one, those years of guilt and broken promises we talked about. There's only one thing I know that'll give a man peace, and that's punishment and then forgiveness. The second thing we need to discuss is the way things worked out last night, boy. Seems to me you know a might too much about the way men are with men, if you know what I mean. You didn't get last night out of a book, I know that much. The third thing is the way it all made me feel; I won't lie to you, son, I liked it. I liked it a lot. But I'm not a man that can live easy with that, and I'm too old a dog to learn too many new tricks now. Now I know that last night wasn't the end of it; you and I aren't going to live like brothers, I know that wouldn't work for you. But there's going to be a price on it, for both of us. I'll work out my own price for it, and maybe you'll even help me pay some of it, but not all, not all. That isn't possible. You know what your price is going to be though, don't you, boy? You'll be paying it across my knee, even though we both know that just makes it all the worse. Now finish that beer, son. We're going home, and I don't want to hear a word from you on the ride back. You think about everything we've talked about today, and about what's coming, and you 'consider' your choices." That was long ride back. I thought about everything he'd said, and about that last shot of "me 'considering' my choices". I knew then that I'd hurt him when I'd backed off the subject of my moving out to the ranch. Hell! He couldn't just expect me to jump from the frying pan into the fire, could he? No, I realized, but he did expect a straight answer, and I hadn't given him that; I'd sidestepped the answer. I also thought about the years of guilt and broken promises he'd mentioned; a subject I'd brought up the day before. On that score, I knew he was right. I wasn't going to feel good about that until he'd tanned my behind, and forgiven me. I even felt oddly relieved that I was going to get punished for that; like a little boy who knows that right after his spanking everything's going to be alright again. The rest of it, though, that bothered me; our new relationship wasn't going to be easy for him, I saw that. And he didn't intend to make it easy for me, either. But that was my uncle; no bull_s_h_i_t_, no lies, just cold hard truth, take it or leave it.

Cold, hard truth to tell, I liked the idea. Love, friendship, a man I could trust and depend on, rolled up with some real discipline that I liked and needed; wasn't that what I'd always secretly wanted? And it was a two-way street; I knew J.D. would need some discipline, too, and that was another desire I could fill for both of us. I thought about all these things, and then, suddenly, we were pulling up the drive to the ranch. J.D. parked the truck, and reaching across me opened my door, saying, "Alright, son, go on out. I'll be there when I get there, and you'd better _d_a_m_n_ well be ready!" I walked on out to the stable, and around back to where I knew the hayrack used to be; _d_a_m_n_ if it wasn't still there!! I felt a little foolish, a 35 year old man marching out behind the stable to wait for his uncle to come and give him a whipping. I also felt tremendously turned-on. I was living my own fantasy, and it was making my stomach flutter and my palms sweat. I stripped off my clothes, leaving my briefs on, unconsciously forgetting J.D.'s command that I be naked. I think my mind went back to the last time I'd been out here; I'd left my briefs on then, too, and J.D. had reached over and pulled them off. I wanted that to happen again. I sat down on the hay, and waited for my uncle J.D..

It seemed like hours, but it was soon enough that I heard him approaching from the house. He came around the corner, and I saw that he'd taken off his shirt, and was carrying what looked like a genuine turn-of-the-century carpetbag. He stopped in front of me, and staring down at me with those eyes now as cold as emerald ice, said, "Have you been thinking about what I told you, son?" "Yes, sir.", I answered nervously. "Do you know that you need what I'm going to give you now, son?" he asked. "Yes, sir." I answered more surely. "Alright then, boy, stand up." he said. I stood up, and watched as J.D. sat down on the bales of hay and put the carpetbag by his side. He grabbed my left arm and drew me down over his knees, and then opened up his bag. "You're a full grown man now, son, and I don't reckon that you'll just lay nice and quiet on my lap for your spanking the whole time. So, I'm going to hobble you to keep you from gettin' up and either fightin' or runnin'." and pulling out some rope from the bag, he tied my ankles and my wrists together, not tight enough to hurt, but tight enough to not come loose. I looked over my shoulder to see what he was pulling out of the bag next, and was surprised to see him bring forth a hairbrush and wicked-looking black leather razor strap that had been altered to make a doubled over paddle with a wooden handle. That scared me.

"What the hell is that, J.D.? You're not going to use those, are you?" I pleaded. "Well, boy," he said, " I figured that all those lies and broken promises were nothing better than I'd expect from a bratty kid, not a man, so I figured you needed to be spanked like a brat. My mamma's hairbrush should do the job, Lord knows I felt it often enough when I was a boy, and I still remember it. The strap is special, though, son. My daddy made this years ago when I was thirteen. If my daddy had ever caught me doing the things that we were doing last night, he'd have taken the hide off my behind with this, I guarantee you. So I'm going to use it on you, since I know you didn't learn what we were doing last night by watching television. And finally, boy, for what went on between us, and what's going on, and what's in the future, just between you and me, I'm going to use my hand; so you're going to get that spanking I know you need." "oh Christ!" I moaned. J.D. was going to beat me half to death, I just knew it. Then I felt his hands reach for the waistband of my briefs, and I began to shake as I felt my underwear slide down my thighs and come to rest on the rope that bound my ankles. Then I felt my uncle's hand rubbing smooth circles across my butt, patting and pinching it, shaking my asscheeks, and I heard him say,"Well, well. I've waited along time for this, son. I remember the last time I had to tan your behind, and I'm glad to see that you've kept your butt waiting for me. Not a mark on it! We'll change that, though, won't we boy? Now, you remember how this goes, don't you son? You're going to count 'em off for me. First we're going to count off 17 with the hairbrush, for the years you spent lying to me about wanting to visit. Then we're going to count 35 more with the strap, for those things you know at your age. Finally, boy, just between you and me I haven't decided how many you're going to take from my hand, but I'll know when enough is enough. Now I want to hear from you that you love me and trust me, and that you know I'm doing what's right for you." I was shaking like a leaf, but I knew there wasn't any way to avoid this; I even wanted it, in a way. I was ready to give J.D. anything he wanted, needed, but that didn't stop me from feeling like a scared kid about to get his butt blistered. I stuttered out, "Yes, sir! I do love you, and I do trust you, you know that. I know you're doing what's right for me, too, but God! Uncle J.D., please, please don't whip me too hard!" "Shut your trap, boy! I don't want to hear any of that crap any more from you, understand? Now you count like I told you!!" and that old ebony and tortoiseshell hairbrush came whistling through the air and landed on my ass with a SMACK!! that stung like the devil!!! "One, sir!!" I yelled. SMACK!! "OOWW! Two, sir!!" SMACK!!! "AYYY!Three, sir!" SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!!! "oooh!Four, sir!" "OOWW! Five, sir!" and on and on and on. My butt was a hill of stinging, burning flesh. It felt like a swarm of angry bees had attacked en masse, and they wouldn't stop!! That hairbrush was wicked!! SMACK!!! "Ten, sir!" by now, I couldn't help it; I was squirming, trying to get my asscheeks away from the hard, stinging blows of the back of that hairbrush, but I couldn't go far, with my legs and hands bound!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! Fifteen, and I was already pleading with my uncle, "OOWW!! OOWW!! Stop, J.D. Stop!! No more, no more!! Please, sir!! Please!!". It did stop, too, but only while J.D. put down the hairbrush after the seventeenth blow. I heard him pick up the strap, and I became really frightened! "Please, J.D.! Not the strap, please!! I'll do anything you say, sir!! Anything!! Please don't whip me with that!!" I begged. But he was firm, rock-hard as he answered, "Shut your trap, I told you, son! You ain't even tasted this spanking yet, boy! Now, count off the 30!!!" Before I had time to even catch my breath, I heard that black leather strap hiss through the air, and my butt exploded into a whole world of pain!! "AAAHHHGGHH!!! One, sir! Oh GOD! Oh GOD!!" and hhiissss-WHACK!! "Two, sir!! OOW, sir!! Please, sir!!"" and hhiisss-Whack!! "Three, sir!! Oh Jesus! My butt!!OOWW!" Hhhiissss-WHACK!! "Four, SIR!! Ow! Ow! Ow!" and on and on and on and on. We reached thirty, finally, and I wasn't keeping count any more, I was just screaming and pleading and begging my uncle to stop!! "OOW! AAHHGG!! OH GOD, OH GOD, Please STOOPPP!!! OOWWW!! OH PLEASE, J.D., I'll be good!! I PROMISE!! I'll do anything!! PLEASE STOP!!! mixed in with my cries and screams of pain. He did stop, and I quit struggling to get away from that awful strap coming down again and again on my inflamed ass. My whole behind was on fire, especially the lower part of my buttcheeks, and all I wanted to do was get my hands behind me to protect myself and rub my behind. But I had forgotten that there was more.... "Now, son, this is just between you and me.

The others were for your behavior, but this is about us, and I intend this to mean something special to you, and to me. Do you understand me, boy??" "Oh Christ," I whimpered, " I can't take anymore, J.D.. Honest, I can't! Please, I'll do whatever you say, just please don't spank me!!" "No, son," he answered, " I don't think you DO understand yet, do you? I'm going to spank you now with my hand because I know you NEED this, don't you? But I'm also spanking you because I need this, too. You and I have a special bond now, son, and as much as we both enjoy it, we have to pay the price for it! And every time we enjoy our bond, boy, there be a price to pay, for both of us. I'll pay too, sometimes over your knee I'll bet, but now it's your turn! Now spread your knees out, son, cause I'm going to spank every square inch of your behind!! Spread 'em!!" I did as he told me, knowing it was useless to argue anymore with him. He was somewhere in his own head, and I knew that I couldn't reach there, just as I knew he was right. We did have a special bond now, and if this was the price, then so be it. I was also as hard as a rock, because I knew that we had dived into a bottomless pool, and the only hope we had was each other. I loved him, and now I knew that he loved me, even if he couldn't cope with it. I spread my knees, knowing this was going to be the worst part, and wanting it. SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! My butt blossomed into a fireball of agony; again I had forgotten how strong my uncle was, and how hard his hand was!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! I couldn't count, I couldn't even beg, I just screamed and shouted and bucked and twisted. J.D. hooked his right leg through my thighs to keep my legs spread open, and continued the merciless rain of spanks coming down on my behind! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! He did spank every square inch of my butt, and every time he spanked down in the crack of my ass, catching the tender flesh there and even my butthole, I screamed out louder and louder!! "OOOWWW!! OOOWWWW! OOOOWW!!" I howled, but he didn't stop. Soon I was reduced to helpless cries of pain, and then, eventually, I broke. I could feel my heart just come apart, and the tears and helpless, sobbing cries came pouring out of me like a flood, from somewhere deep down inside my being. My whole world was reduced to the feel of J.D.'s hand punishing my backside, my thighs, my asshole and the accompanying rush of 35 years of pain and frustration and loneliness washing away in the flood of tears and crying that were the only thing I had left to offer him. Eventually, I realized that the spanking had stopped, that it was over, but I didn't know when he had quit. I lay limp and helpless over his knees, still crying like an infant, my ass my universe of pain, and only barely aware that he was untying the ropes that had bound me during the punishment. I felt him put his arms around my chest and lift me up to him, holding me tight against his chest and stroking my face, wiping away my tears . I heard his voice whispering in my ear, "Shhh. Shhh. Shh. It's over now.

It's over now, son. Shhh. You'll be alright, it's all over now, the spanking's over. Now you're mine, now you're really mine, and no one can take you away from me. Shhhh.Shhh. Hush. Hush. You're safe. You're okay, you're with me, sshhh." He continued stroking and comforting me, and gradually I quieted, shaking in his arms and holding on to him as if he were the only stable thing in the world. I realized then that he was right, I WAS his, now.

I belonged to him, and him to me, and nothing would break us apart. The old me had died there across his lap, and now I was a new man, one of two parts of a new being. J.D. helped me get up, and I was still shaking so much that we didn't even get my clothes, he just walked me naked across the yard back to the house, with his arm around my waist and mine across his shoulder. My other hand reached behind me and rubbed my butt, and I could feel the heat and the welts radiating even in the warm afternoon sun. J.D. helped me into his bedroom, and again we explored what this new relationship was, what it felt like between us. I didn't have to guide him this time, he knew exactly what he wanted, and what I wanted, too. I retrieved my car the next week, and promised J.D. that as soon as I had finished my business in Chicago I would return. We could decide then what I was going to do with my business, and how we would handle moving my belongings out to the ranch, and when. I promised him I would call every night to check in and let him know how things were going and that I was okay, and he grinned and said,"Now remember, boy, what happens when you don't keep your promises!" I grinned too; it had been an incredible week. We worked like one person together, a well-oiled machine, and the time flew by faster than I would have believed. A couple of days after my spanking, I had waited until the chores were done, and then had pulled J.D. out behind the stable for a "payment" on his price, too. That had been a hot spanking for both of us, wild but in control, and J.D. enjoyed getting his butt tanned as much as I enjoyed tanning it! That night, too, had been a revelation, as J.D. found a receptive side to himself in bed that neither of us knew he had! My time in Chicago was dull, and all I could think of was getting back to the ranch and my uncle.

I called the day I was ready to leave, but didn't get an answer. I didn't think much about it, as it was the morning and I knew J.D. was probably out doing the morning chores, work he said he hated having to do alone, now.

After two or three tries on the road trying to reach him, though, I became worried. Where was he?? By the time I reached the state line that night, I was frantic. I hadn't been able to reach him all day, even at our regular "phone time". I pulled up the drive to the ranch late that night, and immediately knew something was wrong. Every light in the house was on, and there was an unfamiliar car parked under the tree. Rushing up the steps and through the door, I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the waitress from the cafe sitting in J.D.'s rocker, clutching an old handkerchief , with her eyes red and swollen from crying. "Where's J.D.??" I shouted. "Is he alright? Is he in the hospital?? Where??" She burst into tears, and between sobs I found out. J.D. had gone to the Jumper Inn the night before, after our usual conversation, and spent the evening drinking. Loretta, that was her name, said that he just sat there and drank and drank, wouldn't touch his food, just kept drinking beer. He'd told her that I was coming back the next night, and he was in an "awful mess.". He said he loved me like a son, and was looking forward "something fierce" to my moving to the ranch, but kept mumbling that he was "bad for the boy; I'm not good for him." Loretta tried to take his car keys from him, telling him that he was too drunk to drive, and not to worry, that he and I would work out "just fine, just you wait and see. That boy loves you, too, so how could you be bad for him??" Even she called me a boy, and she wasn't more than 5 years older than me. But J.D.

wouldn't give her the keys, and eventually left, drunk and upset. The State Police came to the cafe about an hour later, and told Loretta that they had found J.D.'s truck turned over and wrecked at the turn off to the ranch access road. J.D. was inside, dead, his neck broken. I buried J.D. two days later, in the little cemetery on the hill in Fairfax, next to his parents, my grandparents. I sold the ranch to a neighbor that was interested in acquiring the property, and gave most of J.D.'s things away, mostly to Loretta, who'd always been overly fond of him. She cried brokenheartedly the last time I saw her, pathetically grateful to have his odds and ends. I kept the rocking chair and the hearth rug, they had been in the family a long time. I kept the hairbrush, too, but I burned the strap. I didn't want anything else from that house; the only thing there that meant the world to me was gone. I did take one picture I found, though; he must have had it taken when he was about eighteen, impossibly young and terribly handsome. He's standing next to a brand new '56 Chevy, grinning into the camera with the keys in one hand, and the other hooked into a new leather belt....

That was a long drive home. I spent the entire drive thinking about J.D., about his "price to pay", and about his being "too old a dog to learn new tricks". J.D. had loved me, I knew that, but he couldn't handle it. I began to see that there would have been a bad end to the whole business anyway, no matter what we had done. J.D. would have made sure that he alone "paid the price"; that was the way he was, and the way he felt about me. I stopped just outside of Amarillo, and as I watched the sun set, I felt my heart break in two, all over again. I cried the cries of an abandoned child, lonely and alone in the world; the only man I had ever given myself to utterly and completely had left.

I think about J.D. a lot, probably always will. My life is back to "normal", and I get on with the business of living, as I know he'd want. And every time I see that picture on my dresser, sitting next to the old hairbrush, I remember his eyes, his smile, and his incredible hands. Deep inside, I feel another tiny piece of my heart break off and die, and I wish hopelessly for what might have been...........

THE END