Cal,
Taken me a long time to write but it's time we both decided. We are a pair, Ken's my lover. I've just turned 24 but he's about to turn 21. He's smaller nd thinner than me even lighter and maybe a tiny bit fem but just a tiny nothing anyone could pick up on in public, but as seductive and _s_e_x_y as hell with an ass that just asks for attention. We're gay and out but quiet and no into bars or any scene things. I decided I wanted a relationship with CP and I'm going to be the Enforcer. Ken's agreed and he knows I intend to spank him but he doesn't know anything about that but he agrees I call the shots in this house so I intend to get started and make him really mine.
So, my questions:
1. Do you still spank Larry and Mei and if so how often?
2. What makes them accept it?
3. How do you train a boy to accept it anytime you want to do it?
4. How do you train a boy to accept the bare bottom bit over your knees and make him comfortable?
5. Do you think I should make him make a paddle like the one Mei and Larry have? How do you decide when to use it?
6. When you've trained Mei, any special times or days or any tricks like that to make it better for him? I want Ken to understand I'm going to rule with an iron hand as they say and keep his ass for me but I want him to be a solid with me as Mei and Larry are with you.
Hope you'll answer right back or better yet you can post?
I don't know where you live, but can you met us for dinner maybe if you're around here? That would be GREAT!
Thanks!
Kevin
{address and phone number removed for confidentiality]
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Kevin,
You're certainly not the only guys your age who have to have some nice CP in your relationship. Most relationships I know of like this tend to be with slightly older men rather than someone your age, but I know a couple in Holland that began when they were both only 18 and they are still together at 38 with their paddle still in a prominent place in their living room and still well used. Others I know have been elsewhere in Germany, in Hong Kong and Japan, and several US cities. Good luck!
Maybe others want to write in with different perspectives or experiences, but I'll reply to your questions from my own experience:
"1. Do you still spank Larry and Mei and if so how often?"
Yes, both are still spanked, but "if so how often?" Any time either of them had broken a rule, or continues on after I ask either not to do something or just on those occasions when you just learn to sense that a good bare bottom spanking would be helpful. Larry's away at University in a graduate program and thus isn't spanked too regularly these days, but Mei sure probably a few times every month. By this time, both are comfortable with the rules we make together and accept things, but there are still times when it's helpful to them to have some private attention across a man's lap and thus they get it.
"2. What makes them accept it?"
Good question! Basically I think it's related to the fact that we are in reality a family that is very close. Chris and Bin are part of this family too and then there's Paolo who's still away in a course program. I don't just up and decides rules for them. We do them together and agree on what's expected based on what they want for their own goals in life. In that sense, I become what you referred to for yourself as, "the Enforcer." Several people in relationships like ours though have often said it is the surety of the structure that a boy in a CP relationship for real comes to respect and almost crave in some ways. No one likes being spanked - especially here where it tends to be a rather long event and the tears that will flow are dependable outcomes that they know they face.
But there is far, far, far more to it that just spanking Ken. You have to know him and his body very, very well. You spank him in the context of and because of the "relationship" which you've formed and agreed is going to include CP. It's an extremely close relationship permeating everything you do, but that relationship has build in structure you've both set so when it comes times to enforce a few things across his bare bottom, you do it!
"3. How do you train a boy to accept it anytime you want to do it?"
Once you've decided you are going to spank Ken, you take him aside (especially initially when it should be private) and tell him that fact gently but firmly. If you're going to do it right then and there, hug him, let him talk, but begin to unbuckle his belt and take them down. If you're going to do it at another time, tell him when and where or anything you want him to do. When it's time, though, it's time. You never "change your mind" or let Ken talk you out of it. It makes no difference at all if he's "in the mood" or not. Even if he begs or cries, it makes no difference. If this is going to be in your life, it must be there for real and that's just the way it is.
I have, by the way, never had a boy walk away, but they always could. When you know more guys in relationships like the one you say you and Ken have decided to have, you'll find it is the relationships that are based on scenes or often role plays that simply don't last and fall apart.
When you decide to spank Ken, do it for real. And do it anytime you want. He will come to appreciate that fact.
"4. How do you train a boy to accept the bare bottom bit over your knees and make him comfortable?"
I think you mean "comfortable with being bare over my knees"? Basically that is something I tell every boy initially. I've never had one thrilled by that initially either. Often they object and want to have second thoughts and that's fine, but once the relationship's set, Ken has no choice but to accept that he is going to be spanked as you decide and that's just that. He will and he'll grow to assume it and think nothing of it over time.
It all depends on you, of course, but if you've established the appropriate disciplinary relationship with Ken you'll find he'll become very used to being bare over your knees, even though never truly comfortable. But your palm on his bare bottom will signal comfort before you spank him, care and acceptance as you're holding him there after you've spanked him and a solid awareness on his part as to the relationship he's in. When you're out somewhere, just the touch of the seat of his jeans and watch him straighten up or calm down. You treat him carefully and with love and care, but Ken's being bare over your knees with your hand on his bare bottom or even cupping his bun is just something you have to train in him. Still, the bottom line is if he's not comfortable and you're in this relationship for real, you're going to spank him anyway.
Ken will learn and you will guide him. The best way to do that is with him bare up over your knees. Then take it from there.
"5. Do you think I should make him make a paddle like the one Mei and Larry have?" Yes, there will be times when Ken will need more than just your hand. Even if he doesn't and you never use it, it's being there helps define the relationships for him.
"How do you decide when to use it?" We have certain rules and regulations that automatically call for the paddle. Other times, you just learn to know when his bare bottom's responding nicely to your hand, but you want to move things along more quickly or more sharply or simply decide to use it. Larry was last paddled over his Spring Break. Mei got a paddling just Sunday. Paolo get's paddled frequently by that leather slipper the German's favor. Young Chris is still trying to deal with his Dad's, Melvin's, green ping pong paddle.
"6. When you've trained Mei, any special times or days or any tricks like that to make it better for him? I want Ken to understand I'm going to rule with an iron hand as they say and keep his ass for me but I want him to be a solid with me as Mei and Larry are with you."
My concern is not to "make it better for him", but rather to keep it real. You'll have to learn to judge or read Ken as you're disciplining him. Initially do it frequently, very frequently. You've got to start it right if you're going to do it. It's makes things much clearer and better for both of you as Ken begins to realize quickly that you are going to be the "Enforcer" in your relationship. Set him down and formulate the rules and regs together. Then the first time he misses one, slacks off, or just mouths off, it's time. I know one guy who began by taking his lover away for a weekend at the lake. And he kept his bare bottom red for that whole time for a whole lot of tears and communications. They are still together after 45 years (Northern Europe).
As for "special times or days," in this family everyone knows it can happen anytime or any day. But, in my case, given the amount of time it takes me, I never spank one of them unless I know I have three or four hours available, just in case. Don't avoid candlelight and roses either. Never spank when you're furious, only when you're determined and ready.
Hope things go the way you and Ken both want it to go.
"Hope you'll answer right back or better yet you can post?" Here it is! Hopefully others will appreciate it too?
"I don't know where you live, but can you met us for dinner maybe if you're around here? That would be GREAT!" [answered privately]
Cal