"Hi, Jay-Jay!" My older brother, Chris, is standing in the doorway looking from side to side. "Have you seen Pug?" Pug is Chris's best friend.
"No." I say.
"OK, see ya!" Chris disappears from view and I can hear him jogging along the corridor opening the classroom doors and calling for Pug as he goes.
Footsteps coming down the corridor towards me. "Oh God! Capper's back!"
Chris appears in the door again. "You OK?"
HUGE relief, "Yes." I don't sound very convincing, even to myself. Chris comes in to the room and walks towards me.
"What's the matter, Jem? You in trouble again?"
The story is that when I was small and tried to say my name, all I could manage to get out was "JEM" . This became my family name and only my close family know it or use it.
At the sound of it I can feel a lump forming in my throat and my eyes filling with tears. I look at him. Chris always knows when I'm in trouble - or have been in trouble.
Although Chris is 16 and I'm a full five years younger, we're very close. Not in each other's pockets you understand - just very close. He looks out for me. He's never fought a fight for me or stopped me doing anything I wanted to, bad or not, but has always been there to pick up the pieces afterwards.
It was Chris who would come to me after I'd been spanked at home when I felt alone and unloved. It was Chris, and only Chris, who could make me smile through the soreness and stinging. "It's alright, Jem", he used to say, "it'll stop hurting soon and tomorrow we'll go and make a den in the woods." We never did, but I didn't mind; it was just good to know that Chris meant it when he said it and that he, at least, would never intentionally hurt me.
I swallow the lump in my throat and say "Yup".
Chris sits on the desk top in front of me, his legs on the bench, "What is it this time?", he says gently in that way of his.
I take a deep breath and begin. "Me and some other kids were looking for something to do after lunch and we were behind the new classrooms and there was this ladder against the wall and Tucker said there were probably some balls on the roof and I said we could get them and they said they'd hold it and I climbed up and then I heard Capper shouting at me and when I looked down the others had gone and Capper was holding the ladder and telling me to come down.."
"Just slow down, Jem! Capper caught you climbing on to the new classroom roof, yes?"
"Yes."
"OK, so what happened next?"
I feel a bit calmer now I can talk about it, "When I climbed down he said that I was out of bounds and I had to come in here and sit down and think about what I'd done while I waited for him to come and deal with me after he'd decided my punishment."
"I see. And how long have you been here?"
"'Bout an hour."
"Well," says Chris with no hint of censure in his voice, just matter of fact really, "behind the new classrooms is out of bounds and you know it."
"Yes."
"So, you'll just have to wait and see what he decides."
"Yes, I know."
I pause.
"He's going to spank me!", I say finally.
Chris looks at me, "He might not."
"Yes he will, I know he will. I'm always getting spanked."
"That's true, " says Chris smiling - he's a realist and knows that there's no point in getting my hopes up falsely, "but then you're always getting up to things aren't you?"
This doesn't seem to need an answer - it's true and I find myself smiling too.
"Can you think of a single time you've been spanked and not deserved it?", he continues.
"No, I s'ppose not."
"So, do you deserve it this time?"
This question is a bit harder. He raises his eye-brows encouraging me to respond. "I s'ppose so." I reply.
"Well then."
We sit in silence. I look up from the floor at him. He's looking at me and smiling a big brother smile. I smile back.
"Capper really likes you, you know." Says Chris eventually.
Now it's my turn to raise my eye-brows, "Why's he going to spank me then?"
"He hasn't said he's going to yet and even if he does - and I have to say you're probably right that he's going to - it's because he cares about you."
I'm right out of my depth now. This makes no sense at all. Chris has obviously lost it!
"Well, we'll find out in minute won't we, " says Chris jumping off the desk, "I can hear him coming down the corridor."
Capper appears in the door. "Hi, Sir" says Chris, "Jay- Jay's been telling me all about it. You make sure you whop him good!", he turns and winks at me and then bounces towards the door. Chris is almost as big as Mr Capper and Capper steps out of his way as he passes through.
Just for an instant Capper gaze follows Chris and he looks puzzled. He looks at me and his face grows stern again. "Stand up!"
I stand.
"You realise you might have fallen off that ladder and seriously injured yourself?"
"Yessir." The truth is I hadn't thought about that at all. Why do adults always have to complicate things? All I was doing was to get some balls off the roof.
"What can have possessed you? Firstly, you go willfully out of bounds behind the new buildings and then, to compound the folly, you climb a shaky wooden ladder which looks as if it should have been condemned years ago intending, I imagine, to get on to the roof."
"Yessir."
"What do you mean 'yes sir'? 'yes sir' is not an answer!"
"Nosir" The butterflies in my stomach are getting worse and don't think I can be coherent anyway. There was no point in explaining that I hadn't thought there was any danger - except maybe being caught and I hadn't really thought about that either. There were balls on the roof, there was a means of getting them down and I took it. What could be simpler? I'm confused. He won't be interested in the balls so there's no point in mentioning them. His main concern seems to be that the ladder was old and rickety. I was half way up it and it hadn't broken - if he hadn't turned up I would have got to the top and down again with no problem at all. In fact, now I think about it, it was more dangerous when he turned up 'coz the others, who were holding the ladder, ran away. I'm confused - adults and older brothers confuse me!
In these circumstances I usually find that the 'yessir, nosir' routine generally gets things over with the fastest. If I'm going to be whacked - and Chris is right, I do deserve it for going out of bounds - then, for goodness sake, why doesn't he get on and do it?
"The only thing that seems to have any effect on you, Jenkins, is good hiding and I have decided that that is what you will get."
OK. I was right! I feel almost relieved. At least that was predictable and I feel more in control again - this I can understand.
"Go and fetch one of your training shoes from the changing room and meet me outside the Staff Room."
I walk out the door and towards the changing rooms - that sick sort of feeling in the pit of my stomach.
".. and run!", Capper yells after me.
I run.
I pick up one of my trainers and, without stopping, run back to the corridor screeching to a halt on the polished wooden floor in front of the closed Staff Room door. What shall I do? Do I knock? What do I say if someone else answers the door? 'Please Sir, Mr Capper said to meet him here for a hiding'? - that doesn't sound right! Deep breath. KNOCK KNOCK.
Door opens - thank God, it's Capper. "Right, come in."
"I'm not wasting any more time discussing it with you. You could have been seriously hurt - I don't ever want you to put yourself in danger like that again. Can you think of any reason why you shouldn't be punished?"
They always ask that - I wonder why - maybe some kids can ..There's no point in asking him why he is so concerned about me being hurt when I fall off the ladder - which wasn't very likely - when he was about to beat seven bells out me which would, very definately, hurt - and was inevitable. If he was really concerned about me being hurt then, for heaven's sake, why spank me? "Nosir!", I say instead.
"Get your trousers and pants down then and bend over the end of the table."
I comply. The table is hard and cold but I'm much more aware of my exposed bottom and the feeling of my shorts around my ankles.
WHACK .. ow! That hurts .. WHACK .. I s'ppose I deser .. WHACK .. ve this .. WHACK .. yow! I'm gonna .. WHACK .. make bloody .. WHACK .. ouch! sure I don't .. WHACK .. Oh God! Lump in the .. WHACK .. throat again .. WHACK .. mustn't cr .. WHACK .. yeye! This is .. WHACK .. ow! Chris's fault .. WHACK .. ouch! He told .. WHACK .. yow! him to .. WHACK .. geez! No it .. WHACK .. ouch! Isn't it's .. WHACK .. yow! Mine ..
"Get up!"
I stand.
"Get dressed! I hope you've learnt your lesson."
I sniff, "Yessir". My bottom is hot and stinging as I do up my zip and trouser button. I feel very sorry for myself but I am determined not to cry. Actually, I don't think I want to cry because my bottom hurts I just feel very sorry for myself.
"OK then. Take your trainer back and go outside and play. And for goodness sake, Jay-Jay, behave yourself for the rest of the day."
I take the instrument of my punishment and cause of my sore backside off him and leave the room. Did he called me Jay-Jay - teachers always call me Jenkins - he called me Jenkins to start with - Jay-Jay is what everyone else calls me - and, I'm sure, he was smiling. I walk back to the changing room and throw the awful trainer back into my locker. If I never see it again it will be too soon!
Rubbing my bottom through my trousers I turn slowly towards the changing room door and walk out.
"Hi, Jay-Jay!" It's Chris - he's found Pug, "How did it go? Come a build a den with us in the woods!"