I have moved inside as the night grows cold and I can no longer see the School except for the occasional light that shines from the windows on the upper floors. I am weary and Mrs Jamison, my housekeeper, has brought me my supper. So now I eat quietly and wonder why my thoughts have been dominated by the events of so many years ago. I ponder.
When one is in a contemplative mood, the logic of one's thought processes should perhaps not be analysed. Today's' youth would say that one should just "accept the moment" and I can appreciate the sentiment and the implicit philosophy. Being a retired Headmaster and teacher however does not permit the mind to work without considering the thought processes and thus it comes to me that my thoughts have been wandering in the certain knowledge that my two sons' visit last weekend had left me with a number of issues with which I should deal. It is my subconscious analysis of their experiences and their successes and failures that has been dictating the pattern of my thoughts.
Both of my sons, Edward and James, escaped serious injury in the Great War. Is it the experience of war or the preceding experiences at yonder School which shaped their lives? My discussions last weekend suggest that the answer is in the affirmative.
Elizabeth and I had seen the transition from our great Queen Victoria to the boisterous (some might say errant) Edward VII and had brought our sons up in the context of the values of Victoria whilst their values derived from Edward's England. Not surprisingly, our views conflicted and the juxtaposition of our roles determined the outcomes.
At home, the boys were subjected to a rigid regime as Elizabeth and I attempted to instil in them some of the virtues of what really was a bygone era, and they were required to conform to our standards. Even my gentle wife would brook none of the insolence, which characterised the youth of the time, and was not averse to the "instruction of the rod" although she would express concern as to the severity of its lessons.
Edward, being the more senior of the boys, sought to assert the values of the day with greater determination than James and his backside was often the source of instruction during his years of transition to manhood. James learnt his lessons largely by observation although was chastised whenever he lost sight of the instruction that Edward was given.
James would stand as silent witness as his older brother bent over in my study at our home some distance from the main School buildings, and would listen to my explanation of the error of his brother's way and then watch as the round and prominent backside received the message from the cane.
I do not for a moment think that Edward was at all slow at understanding the messages being imparted in this fashion. Rather he was demonstrating the reluctance of callow youth to accept the virtues of a disciplined and well-ordered life.
At School, Edwardian times brought increased difficulty for the maintenance of discipline. The pressure that accompanied having my own sons enrolled added to the pressures that were placed upon me. I don't believe that I ever wavered in my constancy although it might perhaps be accurate to say that I provided James with a degree of latitude, which Edward did not receive. Elizabeth knew far earlier than I that James would become a confirmed bachelor but it was perhaps an instinct within me regarding his nature that made allowances for the lad during his formative years.
During their early years of schooling, my Deputy or the Prefects disciplined the two boys, but as they became more senior they entered my realm of responsibility and I did my duty accordingly.
James was rather beautiful although totally masculine in his mannerisms - perhaps over-acting on some occasions - and this brought about our first formal encounter. He reported to my Study having been judged responsible for causing a major fracas during a rugby match. I recall that he had quite seriously injured another player (I suspect because of some reference to his _s_e_x_uality) and I had no choice in the matter but to deal with him severely. This evening, I can see him now, his golden hair shining in the afternoon light and the anxious expression on his face as he handed me the card upon which his crime was described.
I read the note with trepidation and recall letting out a sigh as my worst fears were confirmed. I pondered the fate that had befallen previous culprits who had committed the same offence and reluctantly requested that he remove his trousers and underpants and then bend over the edge of my desk. I fetched the cane and then turned to see the proud young buttocks of my younger boy waiting invitingly for the rod to visit them.
Having been strapped and caned at home, James knew what agony was in store for him and he took the first five strokes without much ado. The sixth, parallel to the first five, bit at the lowest portion of his backside, caused the boy to yelp and the seventh and eight, placed diagonally across the others brought about a stifled cry of pain. When he rose I quickly turned my back to him as I spied his blushed and pained face and the erection that he tried to hide with his arm and hand as he turned. I busied myself putting the cane back in the cupboard to give him the privacy he obviously required and finally dismissed him and sank into one of the armchairs. Even now, I can remember thinking of the inevitable inspection which his fellow students would soon require and wondering whether there was some young fellow from whom he would be seeking a special form of solace.
That evening, after supper, I went to James' room and found him lying on his stomach with his obviously painful buttocks pointing to the ceiling and covered with the lightest of garments. When he moved to rise I requested that he not do so and I spoke to him, almost pleadingly, to avoid any further cause for his being sent to me to prevent the anguish which I had felt as I did my duty. I smile now, thinking how mature his responses were and how considerate of my feeling and forgiving of my actions he was that night. A special bond was formed through that experience.
I cannot recall Edward being sent to me other than in the company of other students and my memories of his severest encounters with justice tend to revolve around our home. His fondness for sherry, in particular, caused him a number of severe and presumably painful meetings with the strap. He protested that young men of this age should be able to be treated as adults, to which I responded by promoting a sober and proper respect for alcohol.
The "straw that broke the camel's back" as the saying goes was an occasion in his senior year when he invited some of his classmates to our home in the belief that Elizabeth and I were otherwise engaged in School activities. He was partially correct in his understanding, for Elizabeth was indeed attending to arrangements for the School fete. The missing part of his understanding was that, with Elizabeth otherwise engaged, I might return home silently rather than being accompanied by the usual banter in which Elizabeth and I would normally be engaged as we approached the house.
I have to chuckle to myself now as I recall the horrified look upon the faces of Edward and his three companions as I entered the sitting room to find them sprawled in chairs, indulging themselves in my finest sherry and smoking my best cigars. To say that one could have cut the air with a knife is sublime in understatement. I knew instantly that I had to bring this matter to a conclusion with Edward and, as calmly as possible, requested that the four lads present themselves at my Study the following day after School.
Upon reflection, the agony of that period during which the lads restored their sobriety and then waited for our appointment must have been terrible for them. For my part, I wrestled with the fine balance between punishment and excess which justice requires. By the time the four came to my Study the following day, I had sorted out this dilemma.
Edward led his companions into my Study. All four were suitable meek and repentant. Any hope they had of leniency accompanying my eldest son vanished with my pronouncement that they would each receive the strap for the drinking and the cane for the smoking. To his credit, Edward did not plead for leniency but simply apologised and mentally prepared himself for punishment.
Having regard to the serious nature of their activities, all four were required to remove their trousers and underpants and then stand by the door in line to await their just deserts.
I cannot, in truth, recall many of the details of my son's companions other than a dark-haired lad whose name Newton. I recall him both for the extraordinary endowment which he displayed and, perhaps more importantly, because of James' revelations last weekend as we spoke privately in the garden. At the time, I was simply astonished at the length and girth of the boy's equipment and wondered about his prospects for finding some sweet lass who would be prepared to ride upon the instrument once he was married. Mentally, I felt a degree of sympathy for the boy.
I recall Newton walking the five or so paces to my desk and the manner in which his equipment swayed between his thighs. I recall his bending over to receive the strap and noticing, as I assumed my position, the organ drooping in plain sight between his spread legs.
Of the punishment itself, my mind recalls little detail of the first round other than my determination to provide Edward with no degree of leniency. I do recall the room being filled with a seemingly endless "cracking" sound as the strap visited each naked backside on eight occasions for each of the boys and the distraction of those who had received their chastisement standing in line rubbing their tender rears. Edward was the last to bend over my desk and I do recall his relative stoicism as I laid the strap firmly across his nether cheeks.
The canings are a different matter, probably because of the care that I had to take in delivering to each suitably tenderised posterior ten strokes of the cane.
Newton was the first in line and I remember noting that his organ was showing signs of stimulation as he walked to the desk and assumed the required position. His was a fairly prominent backside but not large in area and I had to ensure that each of the strokes landed with a great deal of precision. From experience, I have never found a target too small that one cannot manage to lay upon it eight strokes in parallel without them intersecting and so it was with young master Newton.
The lad, I recall, tried to show that he was made of stern stuff, but his stifled cries soon began to increase in resonance and, when the two final strokes were laid crosswise on his posterior he howled with just cause.
Edward's other two companions in crime were less stoical and I recall thinking that the rest of the School must be thinking that murder was being committed within the confines of my study.
By comparison, Edward was able to demonstrate a surprising degree of bravery despite the obvious pain, which the cane was inflicting, and he did not give vent to his feelings until the punishment was almost completed. Nonetheless, his yelps gave the others obvious proof that my elder son was receiving no special treatment or leniency. I was suitably satisfied at this demonstration of my impartiality.
James told me last weekend about some of the history surrounding this notable event and his tangential association with it. We were sitting out on the lawn in the warmth of the sun when I mentioned to him that my heart was filled with some qualms about he and his brother and their futures. When pressed about the nature of my concerns, I told James that I was wondering whether his years at the School might have had a detrimental effect upon his nature. He laughed gently and put his hand upon my arm and then, for the first time, gave me an insight into his view of our interaction as a family.
Having secured my assurance that I would not be offended by anything that he would say, James proceeded to give me his perspective.
From an early age, it would seem, James secured a degree of _s_e_x_ual stimulation from the sight of his brother being chastised and also from the sight of other boys in various stages of undress. For years, he advised me, he had resisted these thought and had sought Divine intervention to avoid his nature developing in a manner that was only too apparent. By the age of fourteen however, James advised that he had reconciled himself to his true nature and discretely found avenues for securing the sort of pleasures, which that nature dictated.
With amazing candour, James confided that he quite often became aroused when his brother was chastised and also when he was on the receiving end of a strap or a cane. Punishments by the Prefects were also one of James' favourite forms of viewing entertainment apparently aided by a number of vantage points which he and his friends identified which gave a view of proceedings in the Studies of the Prefects.
As it transpired, when he was nearly sixteen years of age, James was caught out in one of the favoured viewing points by none other than the older Master Newton who I had occasion to discipline along with James' brother, Edward, and two companions.
The first meeting had occurred quite some time before that incident. James new Newton by sight he said and had had an opportunity from time to time to admire the latter's appendage. When they first met, it appears that James was somewhat excited by the view on offering of some boy being thrashed by one of the Prefects and this had been noticed by Master Newton. Being thus discovered, James said that he feared for the worst but that, within a short time, he ascertained that they shared a mutual fascination and titillation from the scene they were observing. They apparently also discovered a mutual admiration, which, as James so delicately put it, "gradually blossomed into a relationship".
Not wanting to have the graphic details thrust upon me, I quietly asked James to spare me the details of that relationship. He smiled at me and said that I must have a degree of knowledge about the more intimate details and that there was no need to discuss them.
He told me that Alexander (Master Newton's Christian name) had a reputation that befitted his endowment and that he used his physical attribute in wagers with some of his friends. To my horror, James nonchalantly described, in the most delicate of terms, how he had enjoyed watching his brother pay the price for Edward, Alexander and their two friend being caught dinking and smoking in my home. Apparently, Edward had underwritten the safety of their ill-conceived excursion with a wager with Alexander. James told me that Edward had been forced to pay the price of his foolishness immediately after the four lads had been strapped and caned and that Alexander had ensured that he, James, had been discretely hidden so that he could view the payment of the agreed penalty.
James left the details to my imagination and immediately turned the conversation in the direction of his prospects - a matter of considerable concern to me.
I knew that James was involved in a relationship of some sort but had not enquired about the details. Now he provided me with sufficient detail as to assuage any concerns I might have. James said that he was safely in residence in Grosvenor Square and that his friend owned the adjoining house. On the upper level the two houses had been joined by way of large doors so that the two might safely live as a man would with his wife. James said that he had legal possession of the house, which he occupied, courtesy of his friend.
Now, as my bed beckons me and Mrs Jamison informs me that it is time to rest, I try not to think of James and his friend in any physical sense but take comfort from the fact that James' friend is indeed well regarded in the City and is well accepted at Court.
I am off to bed, and if you could observe, there is a look of irony upon my face at the thought of James being well provided for by none other than the distinguished and successful barrister the Right Honourable Alexander Newton.
Good night.