[the following actual correspondence continues the two earlier sections. Please see Part #1 for background]
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date: 30-07-2000
Cal,
Yeah you reached me, I would agree. So am I sort of like an iceberg, most of me is hidden under the surface?... but how far down did you go? Definetely farther than anyone has ever before, but not all the way! I guess my emotions and feelings, as you'd say, are the deepest down. I guess you're right.
Hey I never told anyone I recalled meeting you when I was that young... Actually a lot of the stuff of "how I met you" I did not tell anyone. I started to (enough to satisfy my friends why I went so far), but I decided to put down an ENTIRE story to just fill in the blanks that MIGHT come up sometime in the future. Just to be secure. I never told anyone about the Country Club. I BARELY told one friend you knew my dad. The thing with my dad came up because one of my friends kept _f_u_c_k_ing asking me where were you from? I said, "Oh I've been emailing him for a few years." Yeah but how did you meet him? How do you know him? How do you blah blab blah blah!!! BlaaaaAhhhHHH!!!! so I just said "I think he was a friend of my dad's from way back. I remember seeing him one time...". I barely mentioned it so it shouldn't be a big deal. You don't have to tan me for that one!!
Still, It doesn't matter. That doesn't mean you ever met my family or anything. Just my dad. And me, one time, randomly, when I was very young (like 8 or 9 or something). But God _d_a_m_n_, I'm not as nosy as my friends, that's for sure. But anyway, I left it at that. I still haven't told anyone that I emailed you after my dad passed away, and that's how we started emailing. Or that you knew my dad from the CC. I just wrote that stuff down to be thorough. I'll just store those away as "facts" and use that as the story if it ever comes up.
So you'll be here at the airport for 3 hours eh? Don't worry, I won't faint; I'll never do that just because you are arriving. Maybe I'll get a little "antsy" but not even a lot... remember I am a lot more comfortable now that I was ever before we met.
If you take a project near here though... well that's 15 minutes away from my house! But don't worry I said I won't faint!!
Ahhhh I can't recall your full name! It's just Cal.... Cal Cal Cal Cal.... and???? I can't remember. That's it. You didn't tell me your last name. Oh no... if your name was on the magazines.... well I didn't look. And I read them but I threw em away before I thought of looking at the mail to address. Well I'll have to apologize. I don't need spanked for it. See I apologized first. Please don't write back and say I do. I apologize, I really do and sincerely too.
But the rules...what can I say. I don't want to talk about that. . . yeah mail them to: [mailing address deleted]
And write your full name on the return address!!! (heh eheheh)
Yes, I realize I didn't write too much about my emotions or feelings. Well, for the same reason as that side of me didn't come out so much at your place. So the fact that I didn't write about it as much goes hand in hand. I guess I need to learn to grow in that aspect... but the thing with me.. I don't readily feel emotional. It's not like I'm forcing anything back emotionally... I just don't feel it most of the time. But I know it's there.
But yeah, when you were holding me that night on the couch... I sort of realized what you were trying to do... but I didn't start talking to please you per se... I felt like I myself was totally sealed off... and I didn't like that about me... and to let go a little would be good. It was! Total high. Awesome! But I don't think I could do that with anyone else, not like that!
Yes, probably by that time I felt like the whole thing was mutual... maybe before that I had less trust, more reservations, more doubts. It was very important actually, to meet totally out of the way, for 3 days, in a comfortable environment. You might not have reached me at all otherwise. (I'm not the easiest guy to reach).
As for the fact that I came... I don't relate that too much to emotional... to me it feels all physical, that aspect of it. But maybe there's something I just don't see yet.
Well if you feel like I may be someone you've known forever... that is amazing to me and great too. I feel like I have known you for a long time, of course, well that is true!
But of course every time we meet won't be the same as that first long, long weekend that flew past too quickly. Hey, no one needs to be spanked that much! HA AHA HAHAH!! Hope you still have your sense of humor.
Sometime, let's go on a trip or something. But then there's that real world thing.. why the HELL am I going on a trip, and with who, and why and what the hell...
Even if I say I'm going to ____ one day in the future, my friend is going to want to go (my partner). And why not? What reason could I possibly say no for? I would of course like to go by myself to meet you. But in the real world, I would want to travel with my friend(s). That's sort of that conflicting issue thing I was talking about.
But you bet I'll be working on that stuff I'm supposed to! I know the rules we agreed on and set. I want to improve in every way, just need to get off my arse and do it. Hehhh... for sure I'm motivated now! I'm not dumb and I know you don't need any reason to spank me anyway but I'm not going to give you a good reason but slacking up on the things we agreed to. That's for sure!
I'll probably hear from you in LA? If you miss the next flight... well um, yea, that would be great in every way but one, if you get my drift and I'm sure you do! let me know what happens. You got my number.
later,
Scott