[For background on this actual correspondence, see Part #1]
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Date: 30-07-2000
Cal,
At least I can see that yes, if "there is at least one person I can really let things out with" then that is healthy. I know that for sure. That's what I really want and have looked for for a long time. I'll let things out with you, I know I will, and you won't just have to spank me to make me either. That hand of your's just touching me you know where does a good job of making me relaxed and very comfortable as well as everythign else. Most importantly, I want you to really know me.
Yeah, anyway, you probably did know my dad. HA HA HA! It's a small world, man. I wouldn't be surprised one bit... But still it feels a little funny making some things up. But I guess there's always an exception to the rule...
Well if you're here, you can definetely get through to my phone. I'll keep my phone on. I won't let anyone else tie it up. If you have enough time in a 3 hour window with a meeting... but let me know if you *GASP* miss your flight... Heh. We'll go get a some ice tea or something.
Yea, I got your point about details. I'm trying and I'm going to try even harder now. It's hard when somebody like you can pick up on everything and notice things I don't notice at all, but I've been warned and I know the consequences and I'm sure I'm about to become a real detail man! Please don't paddle me for this last small. I've learned and got it now for sure!
Hah, if you felt my emotions more than I did I wouldn't be surprised either. Maybe it's true I was raised for 21 years in a culture that holds all that stuff back. I don't feel like it, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's true.... You really picked up on me and I'm glad too, but my holding you really helped too.
Oh, I'll definetely have made "good progress" on my list by Wednesday. I like the fact that you are actually motivation for this. I can feel it even if you aren't here looking at me. Unbelieveable but it's true. I actually made a decision tonight affected by you.. I was normally going to stay at a friend's house tonight like I alwys do and just work on a few things and then crash there on the couch, but I told my friend, no take me home. Why? So I can friggin' do my jog in the morning (which is a lot healthier in the long run than you know...), and whatever else on the list of rules we put together for me. Yeah some things will change (a little). Actually things are changing a LOT! I've never had someone who I really felt was looking after me and that I could talk to like this and all, but I know I've got someone now. And I may be 21 and maybe I should be able to motivate myself and to some degree I sure can, but still the fact that I now know you're looking over my shoulder and I know what it feels like when you take down my boxers and take me over your knees and spank me, well, heck yea, somehow that motivates me for sure. No question I'm going to do what we agreed to. I know what happens if I don't and for sure I know what that feels like. I think I said this before but anyway I know you spank me anytime you want to, but I don't want to give you reasons anyway. Things definitely are different now for me even though you're not right here. How is that possible? But it's TRUE!
It's funny about how up I am and positive and really looking forward to things now. It's not just that I am afraid of your spanking me or even getting the switch. Not at all. It is because of my own personal feelings, even emotions (though I can't really admit that yet), and the fact that I feel very comfortable and accepted knowing you even though you will continue to spank me and I know that now. And now, the only one who will set any limits is you. I really did come home to meet you and you accepted me with pride just because my being who I really am.
Well, yeah I guess, no, I know, that is all true. Maybe I'm a little afraid of the switch. You barely used it on me, but I can somewhat imagine... but a big point is that yes, you are the only one setting limits and the fact that I completely trust you is important. And yeah, I do feel a little proud! Can you believe it? I feel happy and glad to be me. Not that I haven't before, but in a way, I just think it's cool.
You always said being with a man who would spank me would be different. Well, it really is and it's also much better and deeper than I ever imagined it might be. I am not afraid of your spanking me, but I am not seeking it either. I like it real and I like what we can talk about and anything. I even miss your smile and your hand too. Can't believe I said that! But, it is true.
ok talk to you soon,
Scott