[for a description of the Boy writing and what is behind this correspondence, please see the first part. This correspondence is current between a straight Boy and a Man who spanked him and is in response to the Boy's first note since returning to his home]
Date: 29-07-2000
Scott,
Well, the coffee's hot, but it's too quiet here on a Saturday morning. It's a good time to write to you. ". . . please email me back ASAP . . .." I guess there is no question I reached you and you reached back firmly.
Bookkeeping: The Country Club and that scenario is funny, but fine -- But did you have to say you recalled meeting me from when you were so young!?!?! I'll tan you a good one for that and soon! Actually, it is/was coming very soon. You lost sleep and got swamped, but I did too. I've never had people so pushing for my attention as those days we tuned the world out. I've had to change my schedule and re-institute the meeting I'd cancelled in your town (don't faint!) and am arriving _____ at 09:40 on ____ from here BUT I'm just meeting with them for two hours at the airport and then going on to _____ at 12:50 noon. Guess you're safe (this time), but don't relax too much. If I can't make the plane, I'll phone you and stay over, but I still think you're safe as that's not real likely. [these folk want me to take on a project, a tiny one, next town over from you -- did you faint yet? All I've said is I'll talk]
Your friend, even your family, will be fine. That is never an issue. Sometimes people can't believe that Chris' parents know me well, etc., but you can now understand and see that that's just normal. No big deal.
You must have felt a little edgy admitting to me that you lost the rules? "I know ... the principle of the matter is that I misplaced the _d_a_m_n_ thing." Good thing you told me though because for some reason your original and my copy were both inside one grocery bag so I have them both. What's your mailing address and I'll mail them to you? Put them on your refrigerator door and make sure you keep them religiously. You did "misplace" your copy, but we both know it's the little details in like that you don't place enough attention to that I always do that will land you in trouble occasionally and already have (the shoes, etc.) but those will work themselves out over time.
"And hey, I am beginning to miss you a little too. And that's saying A LOT. I'm sure that given time, I may begin to really miss you. I can imagine a lot of things happening down the road (along the lines of becoming a much closer friend with you)." Yes, I really how difficult it is for you to say that, but I could also see it on your face and in all of your non-verbal reactions as you began to get out of the car at the airport. You have met someone you can relate to very deeply and in many, many ways you already have.
"And what do I consider you as? Brother? Probably not. Father? Well, sort of, maybe, but not really. Family? Yes! (for sure as time goes by!) Friend? Most definitely, now and forever."
I read your chronicle or reflections on those days that just passed. Like most guys your age, you write of what you were thinking (cognitive reactions that were going on in your head) when you were face to face with a man who was spanking you but also controlling you and your body in anyway he wished. Your reflections clearly show points of comfort, points of discomfort, but points of pure comfort, even happiness, too. But, if you read over what you wrote, you don't speak much about your feelings or emotions. That where you need to begin to learn how to grow. Males in the West don't grow up learning how to recognize, nor express, feelings of happiness, comfort, softness, emotions, tears, etc. -- those things boy's aren't "suppose" to do, but we all have them no matter how hard we struggle and learn to oppress them. Males when they feel rage and anger can typically only last out violently physically or verbally and that's typical in our culture over here. But those feelings of closeness that generate often from inside a person's male body are more difficult. That night you finally relaxed enough for me to reach you was when I made a point of holding you on that couch, keeping you naked with my hand able to spank you or paddle you at any point, with the lights down very low on purpose. I could feel your emotions as you hugged me and then you began to just talk. You, like all of us, are a very emotional person and have needs of acceptance, care, love, and all the rest just like everyone. The world's not easy and even your best friends accept you but rarely completely. Try focusing on what your emotions are/were and you'll find yourself growing.
What you really were or weren't "into" is a factor of both what you envisioned, but also what you've been taught in this culture over here (same one I grew up in, though yours being more Latin was more restrictive in some ways). "And you really started paddling me fast! That really was intense!!! But I just let go there, and held you tighter than I ever held anyone before, but it was the same effect... I totally forgot about everything.. forgot about any reservations in my mind, about being a little to close, I mean... nothing mattered except just holding on, as tightly and as close to you as possible. I don't even remember pain from that night. It's actually a beautiful thing." Yes, that's it. It's not the game stuff of the guy who strapped you silly or the other, nor even the fantasy. It is the reality of a real relationship that is based on care, trust, respect, motion, and even grows into love that is far higher than the hollywood variety.
"Of course, I know it was stinging like hell, but just for that moment, and now looking back it was not even an issue. I remember reading a lot of your posts that always mentioned that. They always mentioned how all holding back was totally thrown out the window, and nothing mattered anymore, not being naked over a man's lap, not being spanked, not anything. I remember wondering a few times what that was like, well now I'll tell you I know what that's like!! Holding on to you like that so tightly, almost out of my control, was one of the most intense moments of my life ever. And one of the best moments I had there during our time together. Ironically, it was also when I was getting paddled the hardest there!!!" All that is true, and remember there are very, very deep emotions and feelings your expressing above, but yes, you are right. That only happens when you are with someone you really, really care about and you feel and know it is mutual.
You naturally "came" which is another very deep indication of trust, acceptance, etc. That is extremely rare (except in fantasy stories) and usually only happens when a boy is exceptionally emotional and at ease with a partner.
"Did you break me? Heh... I don't mind. . . .) What's funny is you were really spanking me nowhere near as hard as I've been hit in the past, but yet, it was building up over time. Much closer to what I always wondered about, and it's such a thing that would allow us to get closer. You made me talk. Then yes, I wrote about this above.. but you really paddled me, and told me to hold on tight. Oh, you bet I did! I once again lost all care in the world to where I was; it was actually a very special thing." Yep, you were there. Pain or hitting you harder and harder has absolutely nothing to do with it and it not something any guy needs ever.
"So that night, when we were talking on the couch, spanking me a little... yeah, I just started to talk. I finally did it... but yeah, right before I started talking, it's like, I felt like saying something, and just held it back. Literally felt like constipation of words. But you let me get to a point where I could just let it out, and be myself, or whatever you would call it, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that." It was easy for me to feel your emotions beginning to well up at that point and just help things along to let you talk and be held. No question it was good and brought us very much closer.
"You definitely made the trip over to Florida worthwhile, and not another dumb meeting, but instead, to meet the person I've known for so long, and actualize a few things, and have some things come true. I would look forward to seeing you again anytime." And you well may Wednesday if the plane screw me up, but I will phone you if at all humanly possible from the airport.
". . . even telling them "you have a new boy"." I don't see you as a "new boy" but far more. You have so much potential and are so intelligent, even gifted on that piano, that I really do see you as someone I've known forever. Will every time we meet be the same as your first time. In many ways, yes; but in some ways, no. For sure you already know though that I will always spank you but you also know that you do have family and a relationship and there is nothing we cannot share ever. You know, and I know, but no one else will ever know or understand, how you can still feel my hand on your bare bottom and in strange ways that will always make you feel good if you're tense, horny, or just remembering and feeling good. No question. You are fine.
Now get your act together and make me really proud of what you can do and accomplish in every way. I've got a stake in you and it's a stake you're already real proud of.
Cal