This is part II of my post. I must apologize.... i tried posting the entire story in both Netscape and explorer (for mac, both version 4), but it got cut off at the same place BOTH times. So here's the second part SEPARATELY. Please go back and read the first "Cal from Cal", then continue here. The last paragraph ended (and now continues at):
I also went under a spank web site classifieds thing, and got a lot of replies from that. Yeah, I spent a lot of time emailing people and everyone wanted to meet (of course). Now from the man's point of view, it can be VERY easy to get something they want. Most of them want a nice piece of ass to play with and spank. It's easy; it's two plus two equals four. From my perspective, it's not that easy. I'm not there to be _s_e_x_ual with another guy. I'm not there to look at him in that way, either. Getting spanked can hurt. I mean, what was I looking for? Every single person I talked to just wanted to have fun. I was looking for something deeper. What was that? Discipline? I'm a good kid. I'm a young adult now. I'm pretty focused and don't screw around a lot. I mean, I was raised well, so no I wasn't looking for just straight discipline. It was easy to avoid the "spanking fun / _s_e_x_" guys. I deleted quite a few emails. Instead, I looked at the "I want to discipline you, son" types. But then, that is also dangerous.
A lot of men (I hear, and I know), are total sadists, and don't spank a boy, but beat them into submission. They also treat them like slaves, or are extremely strict with them, and do not help them, just look for any reason to beat them and make them act like robots. That is a very typical situation and I hear about it all the time. I feel sorry for these boys. They should just leave. That's not what is good. The first person I met seemed like a really nice person based on our emails, and he is a nice guy. I was nervous as hell driving to his apartment (I was 18 then, and it was my first "spanking") but it turned out he just wanted to hit me as hard as he could. I got nothing out of that. And I was uncomfortable the whole time. What did I meet him for? To just get beat? Would I ever grow close to him, and respect such a guy, and actually enjoy hanging out with him? Hell no. And if there are boys staying with such men, they are not doing so out of their own free will. Either they are confused, and don't know better than to get out of such a situation, or they are in fact willing to leave but to scared or overpowered to do so. But the main thing remains true: they are NOT happy.
The second person I met was 2 years later. It was very much the same. A guy looking for just a power trip and _s_e_x_ual arousal. Also a really nice guy, and this time we described much more thoroughly what it is we were looking for prior to meeting. I was nervous as hell once again meeting him. Two years later, and finally meeting someone else. Still uncomfortable as all hell. He took it farther than I wanted, hitting too hard, but when I was really uncomfortable, he let me relax and get less uneasy. Although he was closer to a person that could become not a "spank partner" but a true friend, he was too much into spanking for arousal (his) and he was outwardly gay. Well, my mistake was not talking about what I REALLY wanted with people beforehand. But all this time, all those 2 years .... I was still emailing this "Cal" character from this archive, and all his stories related to the same kind of thing I was looking for, and this was also emphasized in our emails.
Well Cal finally realized I was doing the wrong thing, and he ended up calling me out of the blue and telling me to meet him. "Come home for your spanking" he actually said. We were going to meet before, or maybe discussed the possibility, but Cal just doesn't meet people over the Internet. I never liked the thought of that either, and now I can see why. But by this time we were emailing almost 3 years ... we almost knew each other that way. And he was starting to become the only person I'd even trust or bother with meeting over the Internet. Well I did. I went out of state to meet him.
I couldn't believe I was travelling so far to meet Cal. Such a trip was something I have never EVER done before. Now I was going so far to meet Cal who called me out of the blue to finally get myself "home". And when I finally got home, it was a whole lot different than anything I'd experienced before.
When I finally met Cal he seemed maybe a little older than I initially imagined, and not as big or intimidating as I initially imagined. I've heard he was called "distinguished looking" and that's accurate enough. Just your average looking business man. He talked a lot; Cal could keep a conversation going on forever. What was interesting was that we could talk like we had known each other for a long time. But it was true! We have been talking (through emails) for almost 3 years. That's why I really wanted to meet him, not someone else. At that point I just wanted to be comfortable, and meeting Cal could afford me that (at least PARTLY). Well I was going to stay with him for 3 days so I'd better get comfortable!!
He did spank me that first night, and as for myself, I was mostly going through the motions. But he would pause the spanking a lot to hug me tight, and talk to me. I don't even remember what he was saying that first night, and I hugged him too, but I was mainly going through the motions. At that point I was still a little uncomfortable. But he was going to have me get comfortable. By the second night he had spanked me several times. Not as hard as he could. No, the point was not to keep me in pain, barely able to survive one spanking. He went slow and built it up over time. And it could sting, sure. I was always totally quiet throughout a spanking. But at one point he kept spanking me in the same spot until I had to ask him to stop. Why did I not like speaking during a spanking? I don't know. But at least he got me talking there. He said other boys he spanked would spill their heart out to him, and why I was so different I don't know. By the second night there was a point where he started to paddle me. He was still hugging me all the time, while I was over his lap, but before he paddled me he told me to hold on tight. The way he paddled me then was like insane. I mean it hurt like hell during, but not after. Cal knows how to spank. The point is, I hugged him as tight as I could right there, and this time it was all on my accord. It was a good thing to get comfortable with him and be able to do that. He let me get to that point, he wanted me to get to that point.
I think I may have tons of pent up emotions inside me. I always thought it would be a great thing to just cry, especially after a spanking. Still hasn't happened. When I got spanked the first and second time (with the other two people I met), they hit me as hard and fast as they could. I yelled, and grit my teeth, but never cried. I didn't cry when Cal spanked me either. The point is, pain won't make me cry. I think it's more of an emotional thing, something that may happen if (when) I get a lot closer to Cal, and everything's more natural, and it just comes out. See, I can now imagine being that close to another man. A man, that is someone I can rely on, someone I can trust, someone I could call a father were he my father. And to have a friend that close, that intimate, I believe that to be a rare and special thing. Maybe it's more common than I think, but it seems like it's not.
There are many more details of what happened those 3 days. They are noted in the letters I sent to Cal regarding that time, and Cal did post those letters under "Cal" on this archive. It's called "Attitude Adjustment of an American Boy" #1 - 6 (or aaaab for short : )
Anyway, I left to go back home and I felt fine. I thought that for sure I found someone that I would want to share this with, and only with him. I won't need to meet anyone else now, nor would I want to. Obviously I'm not living with Cal (I still live at home with my parents, but I'm moving out soon). Cal's away on business right now. He did leave me with a list of rules to follow, which I wrote. Stuff I want to accomplish, basically. Some of it is daily, some weekly stuff to do. I'm glad for that too. Another type of motivation, you could call it. So anyway, I can picture meeting him again after a while. I would like to continue to have our friendship grow and become very close. Do I like spankings? Yes and no, so part of it is yes, so who cares? I'm proud of who I am, what I've found, and the potential of who I can become. All the better to share it with someone who's got like 30 years on me. And cares about me.
So the question is why? Why? Why find someone who will spank you, be so close to you intimately like that, yet maybe become one of your closest friends in the world, who really cares about you, who you care about, and who may even successfully change you emotionally?
My friend, all I can say is, "Why not?"