The rehearsal was grinding through it's pre show routine of lighting cues, wirings, microphones failing to work, introductions and staging routines without any real singing or performance getting done. Luke stepped over a tangle of wires and two stagehands trying to organise them, and reached Val who was twirling slowly round and round on the piano stool, waiting yet again for the lighting rigs to get the right light on him for this song. Usually by this time Val was ricocheting off the wall, screeching at everyone and threatening, if not actually storming out. This afternoon he looked too tired to care much. Luke pushed his hair off his forehead, half wondering if he had a temperature. To him, Val had been looking pale and fragile for days now.
"Kitten? I've got to go and check the new hotel over, Clark's on duty if you need anything."
Val didn't answer, just nodded. Luke took advantage of the chaos going on around them to crouch in front of him, hands on his knees.
"Are you okay? You look shattered."
"Headachy. The mikes have been screaming ever since they got the power going." Val flinched again as someone dropped a piece of scaffolding behind them. "It won't take long, we'll run through a few of the songs in a minute."
"You could do this concert in your sleep." Luke hesitated, still not happy. "Do you want to come with me? I'll check this place out and you can get a few hours to lie down before tonight."
"I'm fine." Val tried to summon up a smile and more or less managed it. "You go, I'll be fine once they stop crashing and banging. And there's some things I need to go over before tonight. Go on."
"Are you sure?"
"Sure."
Luke brushed his forehead with a rough, discreet kiss as he stood. "I think we're going away this weekend. You need a few days out of here."
"You'd make someone a wonderful wife." Val said behind him. Luke gave him a grin over his shoulder and swung himself down off the stage to head for the exit. Val dragged himself together and tried to read the music that was jumping in front of his eyes.
After four concerts a week for three months, five some weeks, he was exhausted. The energy that possessed him in each concert, now vanished with a vengeance an hour or two after the end and left him more and more drained with each show.
Spotlights flashed on in from the lighting rig, piercing his eyes and making him wince. Someone shouted from the floor, demanding to know if he was ready to test the sound levels again. Val got up, more than willing to take the chance to run the musicians through the paces. The band quickly collected together, took their cue and they launched into one of their less well practised songs. Val waved them to a halt at the point it went wrong, found a pencil and began to try to explain the music to yet another stand-in keyboard player. Half the musicians had gone for rests and holidays during this everlasting tour, they were playing with new instrumentalists nightly. The lights changed constantly as the teams tested new lights, blinding one minute, creating darkness the next. The heat radiated off the lights, contrasting with the chill emanating from the frosty stadium. Val shivered as he walked back to centre stage and collected yet another microphone which screamed as he picked it up.
"One more time. Watch me for the changes."
The musicians counted in and began to play. Val waited for his cue, shaking the microphone cable into place. His hands felt like lead. The lights seemed to be buzzing louder and louder and the heat pouring down from the spots were unbearable. Val was vaguely aware of the mike slipping from his hands. He didn't realise he'd fainted until he found himself with his head on someone's knee. Mick Henson's voice was above him, shouting for water. Val struggled upright, accepted the bottle of water pushed into his hands and drank deeply, trying to get the buzzing out of his ears. Henson hooked an arm around his shoulders and helped him to his feet.
"Are you allright? You went down like a tree then, you look like a bloody ghost-"
"Just the heat of the lights. Sorry." Val pushed Henson off, shook some of the water into his hands and splashed it over his face. Henson planted his hands on his hips, still anxious.
"You ought to go somewhere and sit down for bit. You look terrible."
"I'll be fine." Val handed the water back and fixed the team with the Cross Me If You Dare look.
"If anyone tells Luke about this... it could be worth your job. I mean that. He's got enough on his plate. This was only a dizzy spell."
Mutters. Val waved at the lighting team who were leaning over the edge of the gantry to watch the drama, and headed for his dressing room. In there, in the cool and privacy, Val dropped into a chair and flopped over the table, head on his arms. He felt like hell. Sick, dizzy. And he'd been feeling lousy for some days. It was getting hard to keep from Luke just how little he could actually eat- Val was keeping the secret as best he could, aware that once his bodyguard cottoned on he was likely to find himself dragged to the nearest GP in this city and life would get complicated. The rap at the door made Val sit back, gathering himself with all the speed he could. He relaxed a little at the fat, suited man in the doorway.
"Max. Come in."
"I came to see how you were." The agent shut the door and came to take the opposite chair, dropping a heavy hand on Val's shoulder as he passed. "I saw what happened on stage."
"I'm fine." Val said automatically. Max lifted an eyebrow.
"Are you?"
"No." Val admitted. "I feel like hell Max. I don't think I've slept in two weeks. All I think about all night is the bloody songs- its like I spend all night doing another concert, I'm going over and over the words and the cues and the lighting scripts. Maybe I need a break, I don't know."
"You're kidding aren't you?" Max said jovially. "This is where things get really big! You're right on the threshold here, Orion's thrilled with you! We've got to keep the pressure up, keep you travelling!"
"But I'm so tired, Max."
Max looked at Val, realizing with an unpleasant jolt that what he said was true. He took out his calendar, making a show of reading it through.
"Alright Val. Let's see. Hmmmmmmm. Oh here, right here." Max showed the calendar to Val. "Yes, you can take those three days off right there. I'll pencil it in right now. Want me to make any reservations for you?"
"Max! That's two months away!"
"I know, but you're booked until then. We can't change the whole concert schedule because you're tired. And you always get energized for the concert itself, I've seen you do it. There are too many people counting on you Val, to live up to this schedule. Think how many people lose their jobs if you stopped working even for a few days? You know I'd change it if I could, right?"
Val pondered that for a moment, too tired to think. "Yeah, I guess so. But what if....what if I faint on stage? What will people think then? The publicity....." Val trailed off.
Max's phone rang.
"Henson. Just a moment."
Max got up and ruffled Val's hair. "I've got to take this call. You'll do fine Val, I have faith in you my boy. Just try to relax between the concerts, the vacation will be here before you know it." He walked out, softly closing the dressing room door behind him.
Val collapsed back down on the dressing room table, unsure of how to keep Luke from blowing a fuse should he find out how really run down he was.
Max finished up his phone conversation and headed out to lunch. Val's last comment had him seriously worried. He had to figure out a way to keep his star going on the schedule they had, it was making him a rich man.
As he situated himself at a table in a posh restaurant, a thought crossed his mind. Tony. Tony could give him something to help energize Val. It wouldn't be the first public figure they'd bailed out. He picked up the phone and dialed.
The rehearsal appeared to be continuing without Val. Luke came in through the stage door and saw one of the stage hands, jeaned and t shirted, standing in Val's place, hands in his pockets and a bored look on his face while the lights were altered around him. Good. If the music was set up and organised, then Val was out of here for a couple of hours. Luke edged around total chaos going on backstage and went down to Val's dressing room. He found the star of the show asleep over his dressing table, head down on his arms. Val glanced up at the hand on his shoulder, blinking until he focused.
"Luke. You're early."
"I take it you're done?"
"Not quite. There's a few more-"
"The answer was yes, kitten." Luke picked his car keys up off the table, collected Val's personal possessions and pulled him to his feet. "You're out of here until seven tonight."
"Luke I've got a million-" Val found himself talking to the corridors, walked towards the car park at a speed beyond arguing with. Luke paused in the doorway to grab a stage hand.
"Find Henson and tell him Val's gone, will you? We'll be back by seven."
"Gotcha Luke." the stage hand looked curiously at Val, but said nothing further. Val thanked God, following Luke towards the still battered, still unfashionable truck he refused to trade in for something more appropriate. If Val didn't know better, he would have suspected his bodyguard had some sort of attachment to the old rust bucket.
"What's the hotel like?"
"Ugly, over sized, over furnished and completely over the top. You'll love it." Luke flipped the locks and watched Val get in. "I spoke to your father an hour ago. We can have the London house over the weekend. Just get away from the crew and hotels and schedules for a few hours. We can go up late Saturday night and we don't need to be back here until Monday morning."
"It's just more hassle." Val leaned against the door as Luke pulled out of the carpark. Luke glanced across at him, concerned but keeping his voice light.
"What hassle? I'll drive. I'll even pack. All you need to do is sleep and laze around once we get there. Right up your street."
That raised a faint smile. The hotel suite was the same as a hundred other hotel suites they'd stayed in. Val headed straight for the bar, got a hand on the door and was interrupted by a firm swat from behind.
"You'll find water over there. Lots of it."
Val didn't argue. He flopped down on the overstuffed sofa and reached for the clipboard laid out on the table. "I see Diane's already been. Interviews. Another tv show next month-"
Luke heard the crash of the clipboard tossed down. "Do I even get consulted about any of this?"
"You've got the right to say no." Luke paused by the phone, picked it up and listened, frowning.
"I haven't." Val said, oblivious. "Orion insists due to the publicity. I'm denying them money if I turn down publicity- what's the matter?"
"No dial tone." Luke put it down. "Stay put, I'll talk to maintenance downstairs."
"I'm not going anywhere."
Except to the bar the minute the door closed behind Luke. Val nearly went through the roof as the door opened a few seconds later, but it was Max's head that appeared.
"Val? Henson said you'd taken the afternoon off. Not actually sure you ought to be sneaking hours off like this with a show tonight, but I won't say anything!"
"Good. Care for a drink?"
"Never pass one up!" Max said jovially as he crossed the floor over to the counter. "You're looking better than you did earlier today."
"Really, hadn't had time to notice." Val poured both of them a strong shot of bourbon, splashed in a little water, then set Max's glass down in front of him, before throwing back his drink in two swallows. "Ah, the pause that refreshes."
Max watched in silence as Val rinsed the glass, dried it off, and put it back in the cupboard.
"Didn't know you were so domesticated."
"That's what happens when you're followed around by a gorilla." Val said laughing.
"Speaking of gorillas, where is Luke?"
"Maintenance, the phone wasn't working."
"Good. I had a little something I wanted to talk to you about, without being interrupted. Come on over to the couch, let me show you something." Max ambled over to the couch, Val trailing behind.
"What is it Max? Another day off? Now THAT would be a surprise."
Max took the opening. "Now Val, you know you can't take any more time off than is already scheduled. It just won't do. But I have something that should help you. I've used it myself on occasion, and most of my clients use or have used these. It's a simple, easy and effective drug that can help you re energize." Max took out a small bag with a couple dozen small white pills in it. "These are tiny, but pack a powerful punch. You take one when you're feeling down, and within just a few minutes you'll get your second wind."
"What are they?" Val flipped one over in his palm, frowning. "Speed?"
"Nothing so dramatic. You could get it on prescription if you went to see a doctor."
Val pulled a face. Max gripped his shoulder.
"Don't look so suspicious! Would I give you anything dodgy? I've taken these myself when I'm under pressure, it's just a little something to keep you going over a tough patch. No different to taking vitamins or those herbal sleeping pills. Why don't I leave them with you? You can keep them for when you need them, just see if they help."
"Maybe.." Val said doubtfully. Max got up.
"Good lad. I can't stop. Oh and I'd put them out of sight. Can't imagine McNeil would approve."
No, Luke would certainly not approve. Max shut the door behind him. Val surveyed the pills, rolling them around. For a minute, he had every intention of dropping them straight into the waste paper basket. Except as he looked at them, he started to have doubts. Eventually he got up and went to his suitcase, slipping them deep into the side pocket. Maybe they'd be useful things to keep around for emergencies. No different really to a strong cup of coffee. Just a pick-me-up.
Val began to wander and once more to go over and over the words of the songs on the list for the concert tonight.
The afternoon was a washout. Val was too strung up to sleep and the skies opened after a lunch Val had no intention of eating. He managed to get room service in and out successfully while Luke was in the shower as Luke tended to be picky about him skipping meals, but in this weather not even Luke could be persuaded into a long walk. Or to returning to the arena. Val flopped around the sitting room for what felt like eternity, half watching tv that made his fingers curl with boredom.
"I refuse to be a prisoner here!" he eventually snapped at Luke. "I'm going back to the _d_a_m_n_ rehearsals, I've got things to do!"
"Val, I don't think that's a good idea." Luke said patiently. "You're just over tired. You need to rest."
"I can't rest! I'm going stir crazy here. Do I need to call a taxi, or are you driving me?"
"You are NOT going by yourself mister. Don't even think of it." Luke got up and walked to Val. He placed a hand on his chin and raised his face up. "We'll go back, but you must promise me to take it easy."
"If you want something to mother, buy a cat," Val snapped, flinging his hand away. Luke's hand snapped up and caught his wrist.
"Now listen. If you want to go anywhere at all you get a handle on yourself and calm down. Otherwise you're going to find yourself facing a wall or in bed until I say it's time we leave."
"Go and _f_u_c_k_ yourself McNeil."
Val wrenched himself free, snatched up the first thing that came to hand and hurled it. Luke ducked the missile and walked towards him, lips compressed. Val's second choice of missile was pulled out of his hand, Luke gripped his wrists and steered him through the sitting room and into the bedroom, oblivious to Val's wrenching and swearing. Once there, he drew the blinds and pulled the covers back.
"Bed. Now. If you're tired enough to act like this you need all the extra sleep you can get."
Val opened his mouth. Luke caught his eye and drowned him out.
"Strip."
"Go to hell." Val folded his arms and glowered at Luke. Luke actually looked anything but angry which was still more annoying. "What are you going to do McNeil? Sit and watch me? I'm going back to the arena."
"You're not, Quentin." Luke said mildly. "You had that option, you decided against it remember? You must have had your reasons. And if you throw one more thing at me, you're going to regret it I promise you."
Val tried to bustle past Luke but was brought up short by a heavy hand on his neck.
"_d_a_m_n_it, I CAN'T SLEEP!" Val yelled.
Luke pushed Val down on the bed, hands on his shoulders. He had lost the uninterested look and spoke firmly. "I have heard entirely TOO much swearing from you. One more word and I'll wash that mouth out. And I don't care if you can't sleep, you're going to lose those clothes and lie down. ANYTHING but a yes, sir, and the crowd tonight will be dazzled with more than just your rosy face."
Val twisted inside, wanting to say so much, but not wanting to be facing the floor while saying it. Finally he managed a short, biting "Yes, sir." And started to take his shirt off.
Luke stepped back and watched Val as he tore the clothes from his body, totally ticked off at the world. He bit back a smile as he watched Val about bust a blood vessel when his shoelace got knotted until he finally just kicked the shoe off.
Val flopped back down on the bed and pulled the covers up, huffing aloud several times.
He was awakened two hours later by Luke gently rubbing his hand on his face.
"Kitten, time to get going."
Luke had to try several times to get Val out of bed, finally resorting to pulling the covers off and bodily standing Val up.
Val was upset about being awakened, but even more upset when he realized Luke was right all along in that he needed the nap. He managed to make it into the shower, but that didn't wake him up at all. He fussed and fumed the entire time it took him to get ready, never feeling really with it.
Luke was at the door, yelling at him to hurry up.
Val walked towards the door, still feeling like he was walking in a fog. He wasn't going to survive the evening and he knew it now. He was in no state to go anywhere, never mind perform and his only option now was to tell Luke and hope he could stand buffer against Orion and Max and everyone else in the crew who was counting on him to perform. Unless.. Just as Luke stepped outside, Val made the decision that right now would be a perfect time to try one of those tiny pills, see if it couldn't clear the fog.
"Just a sec, I forgot my chain."
He left Luke at the door and quickly grabbed one of the pills, tossing it back with a splash of water from the bathroom. He followed Luke down the hall, hoping the pill at least kept his eyes open.
Forty minutes later Henson came across to Luke, glancing over at Val who was laughing in the middle of a small crowd of stage hands, dancing the Time Warp to someone's radio, amidst the chaos of preparation.
"Oh to be twenty again."
Luke gave him a brief grin but his eyes were on Val. "I know. He's a walking yoyo. Either right up or right down, and nothing in between. This is after just two hours sleep."
"You know he keeled over just before you got back at lunchtime?" Henson said lightly. Luke shot him a sharp look, eyebrows snapping down.
"No. He kept that quiet."
"He issued threats to anyone who told you. Guess with the all the pressure at the moment he's getting pushed a little hard. Obviously these afternoon siestas agree with him."
Luke kept his opinions to himself. The concert as usual flowed like magic. Val might be hard to work with but he was an acknowledged professional once he was actually on stage. He might never have been the same, exhausted youngster flopped asleep over his dressing table that morning. Ten minutes after the end, Luke fought his way downstairs, expecting to find Val on his usual adrenaline high, still in costume and sheer hell to calm down enough to get him out of the arena with anything like dispatch. He was more than slightly surprised to find his lover sitting in a small, white shirted huddle at the foot of the stairs beside his dressing room door, his arms wrapped around his knees and his head down. Luke wondered for a minute if he'd fallen asleep. He sat down beside Val on the cold concrete and put an arm gently over his shoulders. Val turned his head towards him and managed something approximating a smile.
"Hi."
"Hey. What's the matter?" Luke rubbed the limp shoulders under his hand. "That was a great show, you're usually flying about now."
"I've got a headache, that's all."
"Come here." Luke pulled him close and kissed his temple. "Get changed and we'll get out of here. Your work's finished, let everyone else do theirs."
"In a minute." Val's shoulders hunched and he turned his face into his knees again. Luke tried to pull him up and Val twisted away from him, voice rising.
"_d_a_m_n_it I said NO! Just leave me alone for a few!"
"Val what's the matter?" Luke demanded. Val pulled his hands over his face.
"NOTHING! Just leave me alone will you?"
"Not while you're screaming at me, no." Luke got hold of his wrists and pulled them away. "What is this? Post show nerves?"
He expected another earful- Val was usually vitriolic once upset. He was not at all prepared for Val to burst into tears.
Luke dropped Val's hands and pulled the boy into his arms, gently rocking him until the sobs subsided. "Love, that can't be good for the headache. What's the matter? What's gotten you so upset?"
Val mumbled into his chest "I think I'm just tired, that's all." He really didn't want to admit that, but it was better than the alternative, telling Luke he had a splitting headache and was nothing short of shattered. The little "pick me up" pill had worked wonders for the show, it was exactly what he needed. But now he was left feeling completely out of sorts. He couldn't quiet the thoughts racing though his brain at breakneck speeds, couldn't focus on anything for more than a fleeting moment, and was tired beyond belief.
Luke disentangled himself from Val's arms and took a good long look at the face. It was white and drawn save for the redness of the crying. He made a snap decision. He picked Val up and carried him directly out to the truck.
"Give me just a minute to see Henson, then we'll be off."
He got a listless nod of agreement.
It took Luke only ten minutes to wrap up things at the arena before returning to the truck. He found Val snoring gently, head against the window. There was no visible signs of movement as Luke started the truck and drove to the hotel.
Val jerked awake as they reached the hotel carpark. Luke put a hand across to steady him.
"You're allright. Come on, let's get you upstairs and you can go back to sleep."
Val staggered out of the truck and stood shivering. Luke put an arm around his shoulders, increasingly anxious, but by the time they reached the room, Val slipped from under his arm.
"Actually I'm not that tired. I just want a shower and a few hours in front of the box, it's been a hell of a day."
"I'll come with you then-" Luke started to peel off his jacket. Val flinched away from his touch.
"I- I'm better on my own. Just let me settle down a bit Luke, I'm okay."
"Do you want something for the headache?"
Probably mixing aspirin with the- whatever it was- wasn't a good idea. Val agreed to keep Luke quiet, vanished into the bathroom and flushed the aspirin down the sink. Then he locked the door, sat on the bathroom floor and pressed his head against the chill of the tiles.
Never again. Never again would he touch those blasted pills.
It was hell keeping Luke out of his hair for the rest of that evening. Thankfully within an hour or two the effects wore off, Val was once more exhausted and had no problem settling to bed. Sleeping was another matter. Eventually Val slid out of bed, careful not to disturb Luke, and went into the sitting room to turn the tv on very softly.
He was dressed when Luke got up shortly after five. Luke halted in surprise in the doorway of the bedroom.
"What on earth are you doing awake?"
"Too hot to sleep. I couldn't turn the radiator down." Val gave him a faint smile. "I've already eaten. Want me to order you breakfast?"
"I'll have something later. Thought I'd go for a run- didn't know you'd be awake."
"Go, I'll be okay."
"Want to come?" Luke invited. Val's nose wrinkled in a far more familiar gesture.
"It's cold out there and it isn't even LIGHT yet-"
"Okay okay, just stay in the apartment."
"As if anything is open in the real world at this ungodly hour."
"Perfect for running!" Luke said as he closed the door behind him.
Val got up and wandered aimlessly through the apartment, exhausted but unable to sleep. He went over to the suitcase and took out the pills, trying to decide whether to throw them out or keep them. He did feel great when he was onstage, but every hour after that was pure hell. But HOW was he to make it through this day? He couldn't sleep, but he felt like the walking dead. And if something didn't change and soon, Luke was going to mother him to death. His face brightened at an idea. If these drugs were harmless and kept him awake, surely there were drugs that were harmless that would let him sleep! He immediately picked up the phone and dialed Max, not even caring that it wasn't quite yet 6am.
Henson saw Luke walk onto the stage at Birmingham and waved to him. Luke shaded his eyes, watching the stage manager set up the lighting rig. Their opening night was only eighteen hours away and this was their third change of venue in a week.
"Mick? Seen Val?"
Henson shrugged. Luke headed backstage, muttering. Something about Val was touching a nerve with him at the moment. The kid was either sky high, bounding around with his normally buoyant spirits driving his bodyguard and lover to screaming point- or he was asleep and harder to wake than a brick. And his jangled nerves were apparent in the occasional moods Luke caught him in where he was nervous and jumpy and likely to get hysterical over the slightest thing. This pace was ridiculous. Max ought to be shot for pushing the kid so hard. He was getting thin, he was starting to look strained and it was only a matter of time before either his voice or his strength gave way.
Val was hiding out in the upper deck of the arena. It was like watching ants at work on the stage from this high up. It still blew him away thinking that people paid upwards of $30 a ticket to sit this far from the stage! And the venues were always close to, if not a full sellout.
"Testing 1,2,3 testing." Rang out over the sound system, startling Val. He silently cursed, hating that the pills drove him to jumping out of his skin at the slightest provocation. But it seemed to him to be the only way to get through the days now. He tried twice to skip the pills, going 24 hours both times. But when he did that, he felt like the walking dead, and Luke practically glued him to the bed both days. But he could never sleep. And then at night, he'd slipped out of bed both times, unable to close his eyes for more than 15 minutes at a stretch. So now he had a routine down. One small white pill in the morning. One in the early afternoon. And if he wasn't feeling well, another right before the concert. And then before bed, one of the little pink ones. The pink ones at least quieted his thoughts, allowed sleep to come. The hard part was keeping all this from Luke. Luke had been, and still remained, very suspicious. As long as Val kept going during the day, and sleeping during the night, he figured he could fend off any other inquiries from Luke.
Val kept seeing Luke running around downstairs, checking the doors, doing his "Mr. Security" routine. He couldn't make out any distinct conversations going around, just a low grumble here and there. The stage hands had a radio going, not too loudly. All of a sudden Val just about had a heart attack as Luke's voice boomed out over the sound system. "Val, I'd like a word with you."
"Great." Val said aloud. "Now he's not only got the Supreme Being complex, he's getting the voice too."
He didn't move. It would take Luke a good while to think of looking up here, and it was easy to see him coming- plus there were sufficient exits from up here that Val knew he could appear down on stage looking innocent long before Luke started to lose his rag. It was recognising the black suited, rotund figure on stage a few minutes later that brought him to his feet. Max.
Val slipped around the back entrances and down towards the carpark, meeting Max by the long, black Mercades. The agent lifted his eyebrows and smiled.
"I was beginning to think you'd slipped out for a smoke."
"Are you joking? Luke'd kill me." Val flushed a little, even as he said it. Luke wouldn't be happy about cigarettes. But he'd be far less happy about the little supplements in his pocket. Max pulled a packet from his own coat pocket.
"Here. And try and make these go a little longer this time."
"Do you want me to do this run or not?" Val snapped. "Its me that gets up on the stage and works my ass off, not you."
"Easy, easy. I'm just saying, these don't grow on trees. You are coping with the run aren't you?"
"Watch a concert and see." Val said unpleasantly. Max put an arm around his shoulders and gave him a hug.
"Now come on. You know I'm your biggest fan, I'm always there rooting for you, it just takes someone like me to keep drumming up business for you and making sure you stay on top, right where you belong. You just keep singing and everything's going to be magic."
"Sure." Val said softly, feeling slightly ashamed of himself. Max was one of his oldest friends in this business, Val knew the man had his interests at heart.
"Val! I've been looking all over for you. Max." Luke said as he walked up to them.
Val jumped when he heard Luke behind him and quickly shoved the bag into his pocket before spinning around to face Luke. "H..hey." He stuttered with a slightly sick smile on his face.
"Val, you know it's not a good thing for you to be out in the carpark without me or another security agent. Anything could happen out here."
Val's dander instantly went up at what he took as a condescending tone from Luke "I'm out here with my agent, Mr. get a _f_u_c_k_ing grip. I had business I needed to discuss, and I did. Excuse me."
Val turned on his heel and went back inside the arena, intent on another hiding place after getting rid of the pills in his pocket before Luke grabbed him.
Luke turned to Max. "I really think you scheduled far too much for him. He's been wound up like a bow string for days now. And his moods, they've been all over the scale. Have you even noticed it?"
Max never had liked Luke or his overbearing presence. "It's just the usual "star" problems. He's got a lot to deal with, I think he's doing fine. A lot better than some of the others I've worked with. Oh, here are the schedule updates, Diane asked that I give these to you. I've got to run."
Max got back into his car and drove off, leaving Luke with a bad taste in his mouth.
He began again what was becoming a familiar task- and one he wasn't keen on. Hunt the Star. He finally ran Val to earth behind a locked dressing room door, the sheer familiarity of which made him wince. Val's voice responded sharply to the knock.
"WHAT? Who is it?"
"Mr Get a _f_u_c_k_ing grip. I'd like a quiet word with you."
"I'm changing! Don't I ever get a MINUTE to myself?"
Luke leaned against the doorframe and looked skywards. "Kitten, if you make me break another door, I'm going to make you fit the replacement."
He counted three before he mouthed the word he didn't even have to hear. Short, sharp, frustrated.
"GORILLA."
The door unlocked. Val threw himself back into his chair.
"NOW what do you want?"
"I thought you were changing."
"Unless you want a strip tease- and I'm not in the mood- I'd rather have a little privacy."
"I've hardly seen you all day, I just wanted five minutes peace and quiet with you."
"Well sit down and shut up, it kind of helps if you want quiet. You're down to 4 minutes 30 seconds."
Luke shut the door firmly and turned to face his mouthy lover. "I hardly think I deserve this kind of treatment and I'm getting very tired of it. And your mouth has -"
Val jumped up out of his chair. "If you are so tired of this treatment, THEN LEAVE ME ALONE LIKE I ASKED YOU TO! You are hanging on me EVERY SECOND and you're SMOTHERING ME! Get the HELL OUT OF HERE AND LEAVE ME THE _f_u_c_k_ ALONE!"
Luke was shocked and hurt by that outburst. Instead of punishing Val for the outburst and language, Luke just turned on his heel and left, closing the door quietly behind him.
Val watched in shocked silence at Luke's departure. Then he threw himself face down on the couch in tears. He felt horrible for treating Luke like that. The outburst was borne of fear of his secret being revealed, and his emotions were in complete turmoil anyway, never sure from one minute to the next whether he was happy or sad. He felt he had no one to talk to.
Luke stopped in the corridor, frozen by the sound of Val in tears. He had his hand on the door, ready to go back in, to get hold of him and not stop pushing until Val once and for all explained just what was on his mind at the moment. Then he made himself stop. Maybe Val was right. They were together nearly 24/7, Val was under a lot of pressure, maybe smother was the right word. Luke made himself take his hand off the door and step back. It was hard- very nearly too hard- but he made himself walk away.
Val lay on the couch for what felt like hours, trying to stop crying without any clear idea of what he was crying for. Eventually he dragged himself to his feet, wiped tears off his face and surveyed himself in the mirror. He looked like hell, there was no doubt of that. He made himself sit down in front of the mirror and pick up the stage makeup box. Once he was on stage he would be fine. He was always fine. The energy of the crowd, the excitement and adrenaline, the music itself, it always took him over and it was no effort to perform. The two girls who organised his costumes came in and out, edging nervously around him. Val ignored them both. As soon as he was done, he headed backstage, intending to go over the music, get it clear in his head what was going to happen and in what order tonight. Maybe that would clear his head. He got the music and found a relatively quiet corner on a box behind piles of even MORE boxes. He started reading the music but pretty soon wasn't feeling well at all. He started to sweat, and shivering both at the same time. He got very nauseous and retched a few times, though nothing was coming up. He laid his head down on the cool vinyl of the box and drifted into a semi doze, hardly aware of his surroundings.
It was thirty minutes later that he came up missing. The concert was set to begin in just 45 minutes. Luke began to panic, Val was ALWAYS around the stage within an hour of the opening number, obsessing about the small details and generally driving everyone mad with his moods, no one knowing which of his multiple brat personas was going to show up before the real Val took over on stage. The opening act was already setting up, creating the usual ruckus backstage as stagehands continually moved things about, getting ready for the quick changeover from opening act to Val's act. Luke grabbed his radio.
"McNeil here. Anyone seen Val lately?" The radio clicked off, then one by one the security detail and anyone else on the same frequency all reported not having seen Val in over an hour. He keyed the radio again. "Clark, Watson, Stewart and Hopkins, take the four corners of the arena, search. I'll head upstairs and try there."
Luke ran upstairs to the dressing room. He passed by one of the costume girls. "Sally, when did you last see Val?"
"Oh about 45 minutes ago, we got his costume out for him and then he left. He didn't look too well."
"Did he say where he was going?"
Sally snapped her bubble gum, irritating Luke to no end. "Nah, he didn't. He's lost?"
"He's missing. Could you take a look around? It wouldn't be too much to ask would it?" Luke said rudely as he walked past her towards the dressing room.
"He's not up there, I just left."
Luke didn't even bother with a response as it wouldn't have been something that would bear repeating.
If Val had decided to walk out in one of his strops, Luke fully intended on wringing his neck- except he knew at gut level, this was more than just Val in a brat attack. Twenty minutes later no one in the arena was doing anything except search and Henson found Luke once more searching the dressing room for any kind of clue.
"Luke? They're howling at the gates down there, the police have just sent for back up to keep the crowd under control."
"Until I know where he is, no one's coming in." Luke said flatly. Henson ran a harassed hand through his hair.
"Luke he'll be in the middle of a tantrum somewhere, trying to scare us, if not annoy the hell out of us- he'll turn up. He's sitting tight, laughing at us all running around like fleas in fits. He'll be here in time for the start of the concert."
"Not this time." Luke pulled an item out of his pocket. "He left everything. Keys, wallet-"
"So he's not gone anywhere, he's just messing around."
"He's been strange for the last few days."
"He didn't look too good when Max left." Henson said, thinking about it. Luke glanced up sharply.
"Okay, I'm starting to get-"
His R/T buzzed static, then a stage hand's voice said sharply, "Luke? Get up here, backstage, we've found him."