Humble Pie, Inc. (Part 2)


by Joe Kari <Jkari59@hotmail.com>

The new officer flipped a switch, and the many sectors on the enormous disk lit up, while a scrim slid down from the ceiling, where illustrations and explanations relating to the different colored sectors on the wheel were projected. The first screen appeared to be an introduction.

"Welcome to the Punishment Selector!" it said, "A means of providing disciplinary alternatives for prisoners. Use the Selector for inmates at a punishment assembly, or as an introduction for new convicts. When a prisoner is in trouble, simply send him to the Punishment Selector to determine his penalty. By spinning the Wheel, one or more of the following punishments are awarded:

Dunking, Tar and Feathers, Principal's Office, The Stocks, Fuller Brush Man, The Whipping Post, Convict's Choice, the Cage, Spin Again, and The Spanker."

There were about forty sectors on the wheel, and each punishment appeared several times. One very narrow sector said "2nd Chance: No Punishment--This Time!

The Wheel and the projection scrim must have been linked by computer, because when the officer moved to a new sector on the Wheel, the corresponding explanation screen was displayed.

"#1. Dunking!

"The prisoner goes for a dip. For acute personal humiliation, stand the convict on the trap door in his BIRTHDAY SUIT. He is about to go down the _s_h_i_t_ PIT. Bombs Away!" A humorous illustration showed a large, unshaven prisoner getting a big surprise as he fell down the trap-door, grabbing his nuts!"

The officer moved the wheel to a new sector. Click! Here was the next option:

"#2. Tar and Feathers!"

"An old-fashioned punishment in front of the prison. The protection of a cup or jockstrap at discretion of the guard." The illustration showed a muscular convict fastened to a post before a mob, as long-handled brushes honeyed him with tar. Television cameras were recording the event; in his case, no protection had been allowed!

"#3. The Spanker!

A visit to the Spanking Machine. This popular attraction allows visitors to observe inmates as they learn to follow directions."

An enlarged newspaper clipping with a photograph now appeared on the scrim.

"Spanker Paddles Inmates Who Don't Follow Instructions," the headline ran.

"Automatic spanking by a complicated contraption is the humiliation suffered by inmates who don't follow instructions in a problem solving exercise at Custer Penitentiary for Men. If the convict pushes the buttons incorrectly or misses his target, a signal releases a skate wheel, tripping a hammer. This pulls another wheel on the spanking machine which drops a weight into a box, releasing a spring and causing the crude but effective paddle to fire!"

A video clip then started up, an interview segment from a news show. It showed an upright wooden frame like a carnival booth, inside of which was what looked like a video game. The Warden was demonstrating the apparatus and explaining how it worked.

"This part here's the 'Pants-Warmer,'" he explained, showing the thick paddle fixed at seat-height. If you're a good sport, you step in here and stand in front of it to work the controls. It's a problem-solving game that requires thinking skills and following instructions. The big screen up top shows what's going on. If the player gets upset and pushes the buttons too hard or misses a move on the screen, the machine triggers the paddle and, heh heh heh..." he paused to chuckle, "he gets a swat."

The reporter was apparently asking a question off-camera.

"Oh I can assure you it does," the Warden said. "It's a real good attention-getter."

Another question was heard from the reporter.

"No, not too easy," he responded, "Some of the problems are demanding, and we play a few tricks on the contestant. I'd say most fellas would come out with a pretty sore behind," he said. "You have to play until you get the answers right, and it takes some guys up to an hour to get out of the Spanker. And about a week and half to sit down!" he added, to off-camera laughter.

"I know a couple of schools where we need to set up one of those," a fellow behind me commented.

"#4. Fuller Brush Man!

"The prisoner shall perform a thorough cleaning of all facility toilets, under guard supervision."

A big man, naked as the day he was born, tearfully worked on hands and knees with a tiny toothbrush, as, to the rear, an officer with a big ole bath brush paddled his heinie!

"O ho ho, I'm beginning to see a pattern here," I chuckled to the man sitting next to me. "Lessons for the inmate all seem to be addressed to the seat of his pants!!"

"Ye-he-heah!" he laughed in agreement. He stuck his hand out. "Gardner's the name, by the way, Bob Gardner. I think this is a real good step in our judicial system."

"Good to meet you Bob," I said shaking his hand. "I'm gonna have to agree with you on that."

"#5. Whipping Post!

"10 to 15 lashes with the bullwhip!"

"#6. The Stocks!

"Each week of his sentence, the prisoner will wear the Dunce Cap and take a turn in the prison yard stocks. During the ordeal he shall maintain a humble silence with his trousers lowered.

There in the middle of the busy prison yard stood the Public Stocks, where a man was confined. As they pelted him with waste, he had apparently made the mistake of answering back. He was about to get a lick with a large Rod! Wow!

Click! #7.

"Convict's Choice!

"The inmate may choose: Twenty Swats with the Paddle, a Turn in the Stocks, or a Trip to the Dunk-trap."." A parody of Rodin's "Thinker" showed a hairy, naked convict in a dunce cap with a perplexed expression as images of the paddle, the stocks and the dunk trap whirled around his head. It had a giant question mark, and the caption read "Duuuuuhhhhhhhhh.....?"

"#8. Bonus Spin!

"The prisoner must select an additional punishment!"

"#9. The Cage!

"Confinement in the Punishment Cage!"

"Yep," men nodded satisfaction, this would be a fine embarrassment, just right for a big man like Medford. The first panel of the illustration showed the cage before they put the prisoner into it. It was suspended from a beam in the prison yard. Too short to stand in upright, it had a tiny metal stool built in, but this stool put the occupant before a hard dilemma: fixed in the middle of the seat was a big rubber _d_i_l_d_o_! In the next panel he was locked in the cage, hunched and sweating with alarm he tried to remain standing and avoid the impending disgrace. A group of inmates watched his predicament, one offering a jar of lube!

"Oho ho ho!" my neighbor laughed, "That's a slice of Humble Pie! I'd like to see this convict on that punishement seat!"

"_d_a_m_n_!" I thought. "That would be a punishment, all right!"

"#10. Principal's Office!

The Principal's Office is selected. The Prisoner receives a Dentention Slip. Shortly after this notice, he will be taken to a punishment assembly to be paddled by the Warden.

This punishment provides a lesson for years to come and is recommended at least once for all inmates!"

The sequence ended, the sectors flashed, and the screen said "SELECTOR READY."

"Are you ready for the Wheel?" asked Sergeant Miller, and an enthusiatic roar of affirmation was the audience's reply.

"Come up here Convict Medford!"

The guards brought the big gentleman to the apparatus and made him grab the handle.

"New inmates get three spins. Select your punishment!"

Medford apparently realized there was no way out of it, so he gave it a hefty yank. Whizz! The huge Wheel was a blur as it spun, furiously round and round, playing a merry tune, till it began to lose steam, slowing, winding down, deliberately and irrevocably to determine the man's fate. Now we could read the penalties as they passed: Dunking, Convict's Choice, Principal's Office, Public Whipping, Tar and Feathers, Spin Again, Principal's Office... The Spanker... Cage... and... The Stocks... and... Dunking.... -and-- ...and the punishment was... The Whipping Post!

A huge illustration of a tall wooden post and a bullwhip appeared. The legend read: "The Prisoner is sentenced to receive a public whipping of 15 lashes!"

There was silence as Mr. Medford gaped at the scrim, aghast.

As the room broke into murmured reaction, a film of a prison whipping began to run. A large black man was being taken to the post. The prison yard was filled with inmates to witness the punishment. The prisoner's eyes were wide as they took down his pants. Now the officer got the whip. When the man was naked, they faced him to the whipping post. The camera showed his lower body, and he had a large erection. This was not a problem, however, as a channel for it had been cut into the column, and he was able to press himself against the wood. His feet were now shackled and they strung him up, standing on his toes. Up the stretched him, way up. The man was broadly built and muscular, and the camera moved back to show him ready. Whhapp! The bullwhip cracked across his big strong back, and an angry weal appeared. The man cried out at the shock of the whip. Whhapp! His narrow lower back was the target this time. Whapp! Now the whip got his bare butt, and he bawled with the smart and shame. The crowd roared as he shook against the whipping post, with a red stripe across his big black behind! The action halted in a freeze frame then, as in huge letters the screen read: "Twelve Licks to Go!" then it ended.

"Sentence is set for June 27th, at noon," announced the Sergeant, reading from a card. "Punishment to be carried in the prison yard."

The audience broke into applause as Medford stared at the screen, sweating.

The prisoner was now grabbed under the armpits by McCluskey and Wells and taken over to a little stool.

"Congratulations, Inmate Medford, you have just completed round one!" said Sgt. Miller. He addressed the audience. "Before proceeding to round two, we like like to allow the convict a moment of reflection. And so this is where a willing member of the audience is offered a chance to punish him! Would anyone like to volunteer?"

Every arm in the place shot up, mine included. There was no shortage of enthusiam for this idea!

"Well, that's fine!" the good Sergeant said. "How about you, Sir?"

He pointed right at my neighbor, whose eyes were wide.

He grabbed his pack and pulled out a handy paddle with holes in the middle. It was short and round, and pretty thick! As I looked around, I saw he wasn't the only guy who came prepared. Next thing, Bob was seated on the stool with his swat paddle; Medford's feet were spread apart and fixed in a bar, his wrists were tied, and they gagged him. Soon he was over the Gardner's knee, bottoms up. As the spanking stool was on a little riser, and my neighbor rested his right foot on short pedestal to elevate his leg, Medford was nicely jack-knifed for his lesson.

Mr Gardner now was squirting something out of a plastic bottle on the hairy heinie, he was now busily spreading the target area with baby oil!

It was observed with many guffaws that the punishee's long erection was protruding noticeably downwards against his disciplinarian's thigh. My neighbor paused to spread his knees a little, reached over and got his left hand around his punishee's thick hard shaft. Throttling the penis good now, he started to paddle.

Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!

I'll bet Medford didn't think yesterday he'd be getting spanked in public--with his bottom oiled for the paddling!

Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!

Gardner spanked the convict with gratification.

Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!--North, South, East, West, and plenty in the middle!

Grunts and muffled yells were heard through the gag as Medford got a spanking, squirming up and down in time with the swift, hard swats! Smack! Smack! Smack! With the paddle in one hand and his charge's penis in the other, Gardner diligently smacked his rear! Next he let go the penis and grabbed his charge's head by the hair!

Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat!

After twenty good pops or so, the stern spanker let the bad boy up, tickled as could be; the officers took off the prisoner's restraints, admiring the angry red and white circles that covered his seat. Medford now got a pair of oversized boxers to put on, that said "Correctional Facility Punishee."

It was time for round two. (Stay tuned for Part 3...)


More stories by Joe Kari