Recently more men than I would have expected, at least of those who typically write, plus some parents and a few women who write as well, have been talking about their own re-discovering that there's only one sure way to educate, guide, and control an unruly, underachieving, overly playing around young man or even with a university-aged student. Nothing works better than the time-tested trousers way down, over the knee you go, good and long spanking across his bare bottom. Several times each week this years, I have increasingly received emails from men (and from some women) seeking pointers on how to establish a real disciplinary relationship with their boy or young man who needs to be pulled back or focused. Although each boy is different and the relationship, trust, and respect MUST be developed first, spanking a boy arises out of the context of a real care between the two individuals involved. Yet, there are some basic guidelines I'll share that I know from personal experience here.
The Bottom Line:
Young men and boys always do best when their have structure, guidance, and effective discipline that is swift, sure, and dependable. You need to understand the young man, yes, and in addition to nurturing him, you must set and strictly enforce boundaries. Still, I would argue from experience that nothing works better than a good swift spanking for a boy who gets out of line.
Beginning?
In a disciplinary relationship, if you have not brought him up in one (or took him in with the understanding he would be in one), some power struggles are always going to have to be eliminated. You decides when, where, and why punishment will occur and you draw that line very, very clearly. You boy must understand and come to ultimately accept that punishment can occur at any time. He is spanked whenever you see fit to spank him. He will have no say when or how his spankings will occur. If he is in his teens or twenties and has not been spanked for years (some these days never have!), you can expect some resistance to your decisions to spank him; but you must enforce your decisions and follow through no matter what. Over time, he will come to understand that when you decide to spank him, he will be spanked. He may not think he needs one or even that he deserves one, but he will learn that your decision is final and he will get one.
You must first have a good relationship based on respect, trust, care, and even real love and concern for him and his future. In this context, his punishment and his spankings follow naturally and can be extremely educational. He needs to know and emotionally be sure that you are spanking him for his own best future. And he must know his discipline and spankings will occur now and for the foreseeable future.
His Rules:
Begin by thoroughly understanding him and his own goals and expectations for his future. Many young men have no idea what that means and thus it takes a lot of talking with and communicating to really understand him, but it is worth the time and effort in the long run. His spankings, after all, will be used to guide him toward his own goals and to educate him while keeping him focused on them. He must understand he will be spanked whenever he breaks the mutually agreed upon rules as well as when he breaks any "house rules" you happen to insist upon for him to be around your house. That is the case here.
In addition, the boy also needs to understand that there will be times when he gets moody or out of sorts, regardless of his age, and that on those occasions when you sense he needs some quality time across your lap, he will get it swiftly.
But as for his rules, they must be rules with accompanying consequences for any disobedience and they must be as specific and succinct as possible.
For example: If you want him to study each night before the evening meal or take the trash out or even just make his own bed each morning, write down exactly which nights and at what time (or by what time). State the rule positive but also state exactly what will happen should he forget or be late (and make sure it always does!).
Always state your rules positively. Tell him what you want rather than what you do not want.
For example: "I want your homework finished by 9 p. m. on weekdays" rather than "I don't want you struggling to finish your homework late in the evenings when you have had all afternoon to do it."
Start with those things that are most important to your and his agreed upon goals and objectives but make sure he knows you can, and will, always add to them. For example: in high school Larry's rules always included his completing his homework before dinner so we could go over it all right afterwards. Rules varied during sport's training season and on the weekends and vacations, but we always worked on increasing his reading and writing skills and those academic tricks that make a difference. Today he holds a full research fellowship.
Make sure your boy or young man understands his rules carefully and that he signs them before you post them where both of you can always see them. In our house, Larry's rules were in the kitchen – right beside where his punishment paddle always hung waiting. He did not screw up often, but boys sometimes have short memories.
When To Spank:
Some men spank their boys only on one specifically designated day and time of each week -- often on a Saturday at 10 in the morning or 9 at night or Sunday at noon. Some men pick two or even three days each week and keep a check list of anything he has done in between times. In our house, Larry was typically spanked in the evening after we had gone over things and talked about everything going on. Basically I usually had more time and less pressure on me for other things during the evenings and could devote more time to him and then ultimately to his young bare fanny. Some might argue he was spanked too often, yet, I remind them, today he holds a fellowship. Not bad! I never spanked him when I mad or angry and I never raised my voice.
Typically though, review and punishment sessions should occur each week. They do here. Usually even if the young man has been good, he may still need or could benefit from a spanking to keep him focused and moving forward. Use the time to counsel him on how he can improve even better and then tan his bare bottom for him to insure he does not slip.
Sometimes, an immediate correction is called for. A swift and unexpected yanking down of his jeans and briefs to bare his buns for a spanking can be effective and helpful, but remember to never spank him when you are irrational or beyond yourself in anger. If someone else happens to be there at that point, take him aside privately and spank him in a spare room regardless of whether that other person can overhear it. Some men do spank a boy with others in the room. Yes, that works too. No boy wants others to see (or hear) his getting spanked and a boy with a fine, red, bare bottom pulling himself up from over your lap while tears are still in his eyes for all to see is embarrassed. Some men even argue it is more educational and a greater punishment when that happens. It depends on the boy. Larry and Aaron often got spanked together, Chris was occasionally spanked in front of others, Bruce these days never has been . . . yet.
Beginning The Discipline Session:
If the young man has been told that his discipline with take place at "x" hour, he should be there and on time. Some men specify what he is to be wearing. Typically his clothing is comfortable and easy to remove. Sweatpants, T-shirt with underpants is rather common among men I know.
Read him the rule(s) or regulation(s) he has broken and let him know you are disappointed in his behavior. Tell him exactly how he will be punished. Normally his punishment will begin with a traditional over the knee spanking as such spankings establish an intimate bond. They are nurturing and should be administered with care and love ultimately across his tight bare bottom.
How to Administer an OTK Hand Spanking:
Sit on a straight back chair with your legs together slightly angled. Call him to you and he will stand in front of you. Some men will tell him to put his hands on his head and keep them there (if he does not, a quick slap of a strap will remind him). Some will then, while still lecturing him on his conduct and their disappointment, begin to unloosen the draw strings on his sweat pants and pull them down to a clump around his knees. To embarrass him more, they then put their fingers in the elastic of his briefs and themselves gently take them down to that same clump now around his ankles. Some young men will become erect but it does not matter. He knows he has more important things to worry about. Some men will have the boy turn around to show them his bare ass that he knows is about to be spanked. A few pats to his bare buns usually raises his nervousness. The more tension you build up, the more effective and meaningful his spanking is likely to be. His behavior in breaking his rules has resulted in his losing his right to certain things and thus if you want to pat his bare buns, do so. Do not hesitate to touch or go over him any way you wish. Ultimately you will know everything about your boy anyway.
Personally, when I spank my boys I first hold them tightly and we talk a lot and for a long time at this "stage."
At your pleasure guide him across your lap and get him comfortable with his hands extended on the carpet and his feet fully stretched behind him with his toes turned inward. Bend the naughty boy over your knee with his trousers on (if you haven't already removed them).
Other men often prefer to spank a boy first on his pants, then remove them and spank him on his briefs, and then finally later remove those also and spank his bare bottom. Ultimately it is completely up to you and what you prefer with your boy.
Lower his underpants yourself. Remind him that part of his punishment is humiliation. Sure, it is embarrassing to be spanked bare bottom and he knows it is going to hurt. That is right! It is suppose to be all of that plus more! Spend a great deal of time on the bare bottom spanking. In general, the older he is the longer it takes to spank him right. Spank rhythmically and alternate cheeks. Keep your hand on his buns and do not hesitate to squeeze, grip, or pat them either. Work him up to a high emotional peak then spank him well. If he does not cry some before you finish, you simply have not reached him emotionally . . . yet. It has nothing to do with pain.
When you actually slap his bare buns, cup your hand to mold against his lower buttocks. Let your hand rest on his buns while you are talking with him and make sure he is well positioned with his bare bottom right up high over your lap or knees and his legs spread enough for you to have a good view of where you are educating him. Remember to spank solidly and build up the intensity of the spanking.
Some men start with a volley of 20 or far more quick, hard slaps. In between these volleys, rub his buns and work it in deep. Other men work up slowing but surely, never stop until the boy is sobbing. Never stop when those sobs begin. Keep spanking him until you are sure he has learned the lesson you are teaching him. Always make it meaningful.
A good hand spanking should always leave his bare bottom very, very red and very, very hot to the touch. If you are doing it right, you will not leave marks or bruises.
Hairbrush Spankings:
Usually your hand should do the job, but there are times when you will want to give him the brush. Nothing punishes a young man's bare bottom like the hairbrush. Use with discretion. It should be reserved for times when he has really gotten out of line. Again, if you do it right you will not bruise him at all.
Other Implements:
I recommend easy to find items. The leather slipper works extremely well. Switches can be picked from your own backyard. Leather belts are sold everywhere. Canes can be found in certain specialty shops. Wooden paddles are simple to make and I make any boy who comes here makes his own.
Spanking Positions:
Have your boy ultimately completely naked for purposes of embarrassment and humiliation. Have him bend over the chair or touch his hands to his knees. Tell him to arch up and ask to be punished.
He can also be positioned flat on his stomach on the couch or across a bed. Several pillows to prop up his bottom are a nice touch. Do not use whips and switches until you are positive you know how to apply them for maximum effect with no damage or lasting marks. This takes time to learn and is why I occasionally do groups for men on this one.
Additional Ways To Punish:
Though spanking my boys over my knees is my personal favorite because of effectiveness and building a solid bond between the two of us, you can and should employ other forms of punishment to drive the lesson home. Several techniques that men I know use effectively:
So-called Corner time - Standing in the corner gives a bare and spanked boy plenty of time for reflection. Some men will stand the boy there in just a tee shirt with or without socks, but many men I know make their boys stand there naked. If they are forced to stand with their nose against the wall, it often highlights their just spanked bottoms and can be especially embarrassing if the two of you are not alone. If, for any reason, your boy cannot stand still, pull him back over your lap and paddle him again. You would be amazed at how fast he can learn.
So-called Writing Lines - Give him a writing assignment. Choose a specific behavior you would like to change and have him write the sentence over and over. Sounds strange, but it works. Young men hate it!
So-Called Essay Writing - Have him write an essay entitled, 'What I Learned From My Punishment Tonight.' Make sure he knows that if his essay is not detailed enough you intend to spank him all over again.
One other which is always controversial: Enemas. Yes, some boys respond very well to them and their deterrent effects (see the story Jeff, who is 18, just wrote). When done right this can be a very emotional experience for the boy and very good for purging and clearing out bad behavior. There are specific techniques for this but I'm posted some things from men who employ this previously. A spanking combined with an enema can be extremely "hot" for the boy, if this is your intent; but, only some boys respond that way. As in everything, you have to know the boy you are mentoring or guiding and know his extremely well.
Quick Slaps – Many boys take to briefs, boxers, or shorts inside the house. Pulling them down suddenly for a few well placed slaps works exceptionally well and often lets the boy know he is getting close to one. Be creative!
After his Punishment Bring him back into the Fold:
Hugs are always in order and I mean tight long ones with lots of pats and strokes. Remember to tell your boy that all is forgiven and he now has a clean slate. Give him praise and positive reinforcement. Make sure he knows you care for him. This takes a LONG time but it is crucial! Remember that you're looking after his interests and you ultimately appreciate and respect this boy who has just been spanked and is in tears. If you did not care for him, you would not take the time to spank him! And, remember: you are going to do it again!
In Summary:
When done right, spankings are a loving, effective way towards establishing a solid and very positive relationship with a boy or young man. Assuming and taking control of a boy or young man empowers you too, sure, but it can be used to build up a boy's pride in his body and utter surety that he has a man in his life who cares and will continue to. The results can be spectacular! But the bonds and long-lasting friendships and relationships go on for years and years and years. Ultimately the boy will come to share and talk with you about everything and respect you as someone who as a man and will help him find his place in life with happiness and security. Boys are comfortable with men who are crystal clear. If you still do not believe me, meet some of those who have been or lived here!
Spanking is universal and found all over the world. Although not all boys get it, you can be sure that on any give night and far more so on weekends, there are many young men who have their jeans and briefs in a clump around their ankles and their bare fannies sunny side up over a man's lap about to get a spanking. And, even more importantly, they are benefiting from it!
How long does it take me to spank one of my boys? Usually two to three hours but it all depends on the boy and the relationship. The spanking comes out of the relationship and is not about pain. No way!
Hope this might be helpful to those who have written with questions recently? Anyway, I tried.