This one is for DAP....
Todd woke up to pitch-black, suffocating darkness and mind-numbing panic. The stale air told him right where he was....his closet or some other closet. There wasnt much left in life that shook up Todd as much as waking up from sleepwalking. The other night was by far the worse, up on the roof. Todd scrambled out of his closet and slammed the door shut, as if to hold back the panic in his chest. He pressed his forehead against the hardwood door to get his breath back and control the shaking. Todd nearly jumped out of his skin when his bedroom door opened and Jared walked in with a banana muffin and one of his special power shakes.
Good morning.
Todd mumbled under his breath, something that to Jared sounded suspiciously like _f_u_c_k_ off.
Excuse me? Nothin."
Frowning at Todd, Jared noticed he seemed edgy and a little breathless. He wondered for a moment if he caught Todd masturbating. He shook off that idea. Todd would have been more than irritable if he had. Not that he would find fault in Todd if he had been. Jared himself gave into that need nearly each morning and night since he moved Todd in.
Jared attributed Todds prickly mood to his pending appointment. He had no way of knowing that it was from Todds upset at his sleepwalking and how it truly rattled him, how it frightened him, or how much he hated himself for it.
We have two hours before your appointment....so its room service and hit the shower. Want me to lay out clothes for you?
No. I can _f_u_c_k_in dress myself.
Todd just wanted to be left alone to get it together. He bristled at what felt like being rushed, ordered around and smothered.
Trying to be understanding, Jared calmly just pulled out a chair indicating that he wanted Todd to sit down and eat.
I aint _f_u_c_k_in hungry, so just get the _f_u_c_k_ out and let me get dressed.
Understanding went out the window. Jared had enough of Todds mouth; nerves or not hes not going to get away with that. He shoved the boy roughly down in the desk chair.
Too bad. Just one more F bomb, just one and buddy youll be eating that on your feet. I dont know what you're so grumpy about but you better get it adjusted....or Ill make my own adjustments. Im not trying to dress you, just help you out. Hungry or not, you are going to eat and then get showered and dressed. You have 45 minutes so I suggest you dig in.
Jared left Todd alone to get ready with a stern warning to be on time down to the main lobby. Todd tried to calm his nerves and felt a little quirk for snapping at Jared. The human tank had been really cool last night. Well getting slapped wasnt so cool, that stung. But after, when Todd told him about.... * Oh _s_h_i_t_! * Groaning he buried his face in his hands. What the hell happened last night? Hed never lost it like that, just blurting out everything like that. He couldnt even tell himself that hed just lost his temper....because after returning from the garage he just seemed to volunteer _s_h_i_t_.
What a _f_u_c_k_in loser.* Todd mentally spat at himself. Jared must think hes some mental freak now. At least Jared didnt treat him like one....so far. Last night Jared was....Todd didnt have the words for it. He clearly remembered Jareds fingers rubbing his scalp, it felt so good and soothed him till he slept. Jared had just sat close and listened and made Todd feel....well something he didnt really want to admit he felt.
Man up, whuss.* Todd tried to get himself under control. Not even the hot shower helped to relax him much. He was still in a foul mood when he joined Jared in the lobby.
Jared was pleasantly surprised Todd was on time and somewhat neatly dressed in clean jeans and something other than a T-shirt. The expressionless face told Jared Todd was not a happy camper and probably wouldnt be today. Taking a deep breath Jared smiled and tried to ignore the dour attitude and led him out the main doors to the circular drive where the Hummer was waiting.
The silence was deafening in the cab. Jared had given up on any small talk and concentrated on driving, leaving Todd alone to look out the window. Somewhere along the way Todd acted on a thought....a bad one. It was not planned, purely spontaneous, the impulse just hit him and he acted on it almost involuntarily. Jared rolled to a stop at a traffic light, next thing he knew Todd bolted out of the Hummer and was running down the sidewalk. Jared cursed himself for not making Todd buckle up. That might have slowed him enough to grab him before he made it out of the vehicle. Leaving the Hummer where it was in the street Jared gave chase.
Todd didnt need to look back to know that the tank was in pursuit, he could hear Jared right behind him. Jared was never more grateful for the recent purchase of athletic shoes than right now. Todd was quick as a deer. Jareds 36 inseam was the only reason he caught up to the kid so fast. Todd knocked anything over he could use to put distance between himself and Jared. Trash cans, boxes, vendor carts, anything that could be knocked over. He even knocked over a lady, purely by accident. All that effort and he didnt even get to the end of the block. Big as the tank was, the man was lightning on his feet and those long legs had him right on top of Todd in minutes, despite any obstacle. Todd was grabbed by the back of his collar and jerked to a stop so fast he couldnt stop his momentum. His feet flew out from under him and he was only saved from a nasty fall by the same arm that caused the problem in the first place. Todd was yanked to his feet to face a very upset man. The look on Jareds face made Todd react instinctively. At the slightest movement from Jared, Todd recoiled and covered his face and upper body in a defensive movement. Anger flashed in Jareds brain as he looked at the cowering young man, he now knew where these responses came from and for the millionth time he cursed Stan Jefferson to hell, or any other such place.
Shaking Todd a little, Jared just growled at the boy not too concerned that Todd thought the tone was directed at him....mostly it was.
Hey....Youre covering the wrong target, Ansley. Now move.
Todd slowly lowered his arms. Cold green eyes bore into him making him shiver a little. Jared didnt bother yelling at him. He kept a firm hold of Todds collar and pant waist, holding him on tiptoe, Todd was steered right back the way they came. Passersby watched with smug grins or sympathetic expressions. Todds face was beet red, his struggles to free himself just made Jared lift him higher on his toes. Jared didnt say a word. Todd was frog marched back to the Hummer with just one stop. Jared parked Todd in front of the lady he knocked over. If looks could kill, Todd would be vaporized to atoms.
I think you have something to say to the lady, Ansley.
Todd looked from Jared to the lady casting him the evil eye. His delay earning him a rough shake.
Now or so help me...
Her hands caught his eye. They were scraped and bleeding a little from her fall. Her pants had a tear in the knee too. He felt ill. He didnt mean to knock her down or anyone down, he just wanted to get a way. She wasnt that much older than himself and really angry.
Im.....sorry.
Todd could feel how red his face was. He knew his apology was lame and tried a second time but was cut off by the lady. She jumped in with both feet.
Sorry? Thats it? You stupid little sonofabitch! Look at my pants....my hands! Whats your problem? She was building up a full head of steam.
Do you know how much these pants cost me, they dont grow on trees you jerk? The lady took a swing at Todd with her bag, he started to duck but Jareds other hand stopped the bag.
Oh no you dont, miss. Hes apologized. Not very well I agree. Yell at the kid all you want, but no hitting. Your hands were an accident....a senseless one but your bag would be battery. Ill pay for the pants and any medical treatment you may need.
Oh yeah? Is he your kid or something?
Or something.
The lady yanked her bag free from Jareds grip. Glaring at the both of them she moved to leave. No hitting huh? Well your or something could use his ass kicked and you look big enough to take care of it....so keep your money and do the world a favor huh.
She brushed past them and limped away down the sidewalk.
Before Todd could say anything about being treated like he was invisible, he was yanked like a rag doll towards the Hummer. Jared literally tossed him in the drivers side and followed right behind, shoving Todd into the passenger seat, not easy to do with the console the hummer has.
Hey!
Get your tail in that seat, buckle in and shut up. Listen punk, you are going to make this appointment." Looking at his watch Jareds eyes narrowed at Todd. Thats the only thing saving you from an ass whuppin right here and now, were running late."
F..umm....Dude just let me go. Whats the fuc....er....the point to all of this _s_h_i_t_? Todd struggled to keep his language clean. The look on Jareds face now was pretty intense and deadly serious. Todd was helpless if Jared chose to smack him now and the knowledge fired his own temper.
Cmon, dude....this is wack.
Do I need to pull over into that alley over there and let my belt have a chat with your butt?
Todd winced. He did not want that. Yesterdays belting still fresh in his mind. He just slouched in a huff and pouted out the window, missing the ominous glint in the green eyes. Jared put the Hummer in gear and drove towards downtown. Todd risked furtive glances under long lashes towards Jared. He was clenching his handsome jaw in agitation. Jared said not one word as he drove and the few glances he spared Todd were heated. Jareds cold shoulder really bothered him....it shouldnt but it did....a lot. Leaning his head back on the headrest Todd just watched the city go by. It was still surprising for Todd. Many buildings were so clean. For the most part this part of town was fully operational and safe. Not the areas he tended to live in or visit which were run down and filthy. It was almost as if the blackout never happened....here anyway.
I was right. You do live in an ivory tower....dude, look at this place.
Not sparing Todd more than a glance Jared spoke briskly. "No. I dont, Todd. I live in a city or part of a city rather that kept its head and banded together to protect its citizens. It took hard work to keep this part of town safe and sane during those first years.
Todd said nothing else during the ride. All to soon for Todd they were parking in front of a tall metal and glass building. Turning in his seat Jared fixed his green eyes on to Todd. Trying his best to hold that emerald heat, Todd ended up looking away, down at his hands. Content for the moment that Todd was giving in, Jared laid into Todd about this morning little exercise.
I dont know what the hell that was back there, but it better not happen again....ever. It was reckless and dangerous and someone got hurt, didnt they?"
Todds conscience pricked him at that.
"You ever run off again and Ill whup your butt so hard and so long you wont be able to walk let alone run. No more running, Todd. Now that little jog just cost you a whole week of garage privileges....
Jared pointed a finger sharply at an open-mouthed boy.
You want the alternative? Cause buddy boy I dont care where we are or whos around us, for a stunt like you just pulled, I should bare your ass and beat it like a drum.
Todd shut his mouth so hard his teeth clicked. Jared hoped if he made enough threats to the boys seat he just might get it through his think head.
You have a problem with something, someone or with me....we talk it over. No running, thats over now, Todd, you run and the only talking will be a very one-sided conversation between my hand and your ass. Is any of this clear? Do you understand me?
Todds eyes flickered up and then back down. The tone of Jareds stern voice made his stomach feel like he was in an elevator and his blood roared in his ear. He nodded affirmatively, he couldnt scrape enough courage to speak yet, the tank was really pissed and all up in his face, making it difficult to stand his own ground.
Satisfied with Todds silence as answer enough. Jared could see the red that tinged Todds face. The boy was irate but he didnt argue back.
Good. Now, we are going to go in there, and you have a couple choices. You can behave and let the good doctor do his job with no trouble."
Todd gave Jared a mutinous look. Jared was not in the mood and shut him down quick.
Or, the doctor will be examining you and your freshly bruised backside. Your choice, Ansley. Im game either way.
Todd snapped cruelly at Jareds threat. Yeah? Big _f_u_c_k_n deal. Wont be the first time a doctor has seen me bruised or beaten. Why should this be any different?
Todd watched Jareds color drain. He did not mean to blurt that out. A sharp pang of guilt hit him at Jareds hurt reaction and the husky tone to the deep voice betrayed that hurt.
I know its not the fist time.... Jareds voice was thick but his expression did not waver or soften. Todd couldnt stop from snapping still.
You dont know _s_h_i_t_, Todd muttered almost under his breath, as he looked away from Jared and out the window.
Dont I? We both know that I was not talking about those kinds of bruises. Dont we kid?" Jared got nothing but silence from the boy next to him. He gripped the clenched jaw in his hand with firm but painless pressure.
Answer me Todd.
Todd jerked his face away so hard he cracked his head on the passenger window hard enough to make his eyes water. Closing his eyes he missed the sympathetic grimace that flashed across Jareds face. When he opened his eyes he found that face still stern and waiting. Not trusting his voice against betraying the anger he was feeling, Todd wisely just nodded as he rubbed the back of his head. No other argument was forthcoming, so Jared left this conversation where it was and got out of the Hummer, Todd did likewise only to have a firm hand collar him around the back of the neck. Jared steered Todd into the main lobby of the building. The doctors office was on the main floor just down the hall from the main entrance. Todd balked at the door. The hand on the back of his neck moved to pat him on the butt sharply as he walked through the waiting room door. Each threat Jared just made flashed in his mind immediately shutting down any and all thoughts of escape. He already made one huge mistake; he didnt feel up to a second attempt just yet.
Todd had never seen an office like this one. It was clean, quiet and empty except for two other people waiting on the sofas, it was decorated like some nice living room. That alone told him this would be different. The only doctor offices Todd remembered were crowded, smelled like bleach and were noisy with screaming kids and mothers screaming at the receptionists or their screaming kids. His eyes scanned the room for the exit sign like hed been trained to do. A chill climbed up his spine, turning his head the found Jared aiming a scowl at him and silently shaking his head.
Todd was convinced this man was a mind reader. He had to be. Jared would disagree; to him Todd was just that transparent. Pointing meaningfully to a sofa, the big man waited for Todd to sit and gave him a look of pure threat.
Stay put. Jared growled with a finger aimed right at Todds nose. Heat burned Todds ears as they caught the attention of the others in the room. Todd slouched as deep as he could in the sofa. Sure that Todd would stay seated Jared walked up to the receptionist and signed in. Yet another difference for Todd, this receptionist was young and pretty and she had a friendly smile. Not like the old army mules hed had before. Jared returned, clipboard in hand and sat down to write. Jared filled out the medical forms and the questionnaire best he could with what he knew already. Thankful, for the time to relax and cool his temper. Todd had no idea how close to a true, old school, ass busting he was. Glancing up occasionally to watch the sullen, young man who sat next to him. Todds posture was slack and inexpressive, clearly wishing he were somewhere else. What was strange, Todd resisted coming here to the point of jumping out of a truck, he openly resented Jareds authority over him, yet Todd made no move to sit apart from him, if anything he seemed to have moved closer. Todd even mumbled...grudgingly some answers for Jared on the questionnaire. He began to suspect that the insolent posturing was a front for nervousness. Jared returning the completed forms and clipboard back to the receptionist.
Great, thank you. Dr. Kingman has one other appointment ahead of you then hes all yours. About 20 minutes?
Thats fine.
Jared found the magazine rack and filed though it for something to occupy Todd with. That done he walked back to Todd. I gotta whiz.
Todd was slouched over, elbows resting on his lap like his head was to heavy to hold up alone. Studying the top of the bowed head, Jared decided he was not going to take any chances.
Lets go.
Lifting Todd up by his arm, Jared started to lead him to the bathroom. Todd jerked he arm away. I have done this once or twice before. I dont need help," he ground out between clenched teeth.
Jared gave him a look of feigned disbelief. Really? Well I guess Ill just have to see this wonder for myself.
Keeping a firm hand on the back of Todds neck he lead the boy passed the receptionist, who secretively motioned them over.
Does Todd have to go potty? She whispered loudly. Todd glared at her. She winced apologetically.
Sorry. Bad habit, Im a mother of three toddlers. Dr. Kingman will need a sample. So if you need to go now....it would be as good a time as any. She handed Todd a plastic cup with a lid and directed him how to fill it. Jared led a disgruntled Todd away like he was some little kid. Only after checking the single toilet and sink room for any escape routs, did he leave Todd to his business in peace. Todd shoved past Jared and nearly slammed the door in Jareds face with a smirk. That smirk was wiped off his face when Todd opened up the door a few minutes later to find Jared leaning against the wall waiting.
Dude this is _f_u_c_k_n lame.
Jared shrugged. Get over it....fast. Cause Im your shadow starting right now.
As Todd stalked off, Jared gave him a fierce swat on the seat. It was as loud as it was painful. Todd was sure everyone heard it. Todd was grateful he was able to keep the yelp behind his teeth and that the specimen cup had a secure lid. Todds icy glare was returned full measure.
That....was for language. Are you going to clean it up or do we have us that little chat?
Jared stroked his belt, just like Brian used to do. He watched to see if he could induce the same effect. Todd dropped his eyes and turned beet red, from anger, resentment or embarrassment he wasnt sure. Perhaps, all three. Jareds only concern was that it took the steam right out of the boy. Stiffly but calmly Todd sidestepped Jared keeping his bottom out of reach and walked away. Todd handed the cup to the receptionist and stormed off back to the lobby.
Later, flipping through the pages of the magazine that Jared found for him. Todd slid a secretive glance over to Jared who was reading his own magazine. He was trying to figure this man out. Todd had been handed a thick magazine that was mostly pictures, advertisements with very little reading material. The last time Todd was brought to a clinic, his foster mom tossed him an ancient coloring book along with some insults like, stupid, retard, idiot, etc. No one ever took the time like Jared just did to find something he would enjoy and understand without embarrassing him. It was like second nature to the large man but so was smacking his ass and issuing orders. Todd was so confused by Jared it hurt his head. One minute Jared was the largest asshole on the planet and the next he did something like this and made Todd feel important or wanted....
Something that he hadnt felt in ....he couldnt remember when.
Jared was acutely aware of Todds attention. He read on as if totally unaware. His Adams apple felt more like a huge dry cottonball, making it hard to swallow his emotions. Jared could see that Todd was completely confused by his respect and sensitivity to his illiteracy. Maybe he was confused because he was still very angry with Todd and made no secret of it. Was this kid never shown any kindness at all....ever? Jared asked himself.
Yes* Todd had to have been or he would not have that sweet side to him, seen maybe only a handful of times but it was there, underneath all this ice and bravado.
Todd, want to cmon in?
Todd looked up at the doctor. No, was what the mind said but the body stood up and followed with Jared right behind.
Roy led the silent duo into his office. One didnt need to be physic to know there was some tension between the two.
Have a seat, boys.
Roy looked across his desk at the young man. Todd was obviously nervous. Well it was obvious to anyone but Todd. He was working so hard on playing it cool. Roy gave him a reassuring smile and tried not to burst his bubble.
You look much better than the last time we met, young man. Legs or back giving you any more problems?
Todd just shook his head never making eye contact. Roy took a mental sigh. Roy continued pleasant small talk with Jared as he watched the boy. Todd was silent and sullen. Acute observations detected some tell tale signs of anxiety. The slouched posture in the chair was more withdrawn than insolent. One leg was in constant motion the whole time. His trained eyes narrowed at the way the boy fussed with his lip. Kid actually peeled skin off.
Okay. I think we should get started.
The anxiety level in the boy rose. His dark eyes flickered up reflected his worry.
Relax, Todd. We are just going to do some simple tests. Ill go over and explain each to you beforehand, okay?
Whatever.
Typical teenage answer to any and everything. Roy asked some simple background questions. Todd spoke in clear, crisp, one-word sentences. No known allergies, not currently taking any medications, non-smoker, didnt take drugs....intentionally. Todd didnt know anything about his families medical history leaving any inherited problems as unknown.
You said that youve had no more pains?
Only answer to that was a silent shake of the head.
Good. Are you still taking the pain killers?
No.
Did they help any with sleep?
The boys shoulders lifted in a shrug. Jared made to answer for Todd but caught a look from the doc. He let Todd answer for himself.
Todd?
Looking from Jared to the doctor Todd kept his answer short and felt real uncomfortable. Hes never really spoken to a doctor. Someone has always done the talking for him. Even in Arizona whoever took him in to the emergency station did all the talking. He was cool with that. Then again he hated it when people talked like he wasnt even there....he felt confused and edgy. Jared also was watching Todds reactions. Todd was such a complex boy. But this side of him always surprised Jared. Todd was actually a shy person, hostile to be sure but shy to the point of painfully so. Jared could see that Todd was really struggling here. Todd hated nothing more than to talk about himself or anything remotely private.
Roy watched Todd, as he seemed to withdraw, he studied the laces of the shoe resting on the opposite knee as if it held some fascination.
Todd?
Huh?....Um not really. I dont need a lot of sleep. Just cat naps and Im good to go.
Roy smiled indulgently. Well thats really not healthy. Especially at your age. A young man like you needs more than just a couple hours of sleep, Todd. I think you are just so conditioned to getting so little that you think you're fine. With the lifestyle you have been living it makes sense to sleep little and keep your guard up. Jared says you get up a lot during the night and you sleep pretty late.
He got another silent shrug. Guess Im not a morning person.
I think its more than that. Its your body telling you its tired and needs down time. Speaking of sleep....Jared tells me that you sleepwalk, do you do that often?
Todds face flushed bright red. He was embarrassed to his soul. Ask him. Hes doin all the talkn.
He shot Jared an accusing look. The heated exchange did not go unnoticed by Roy. Todd, its nothing to be ashamed about and it goes no further than this office.
That was miles too far for Todd. The doctor asked him how long and how often it happened, what the possible triggers might be and took notes. The doctor finally moved on.
How are you and Jared getting along, everything okay at home?
Everyday is _f_u_c_k_n paradise.
An icy warning glare from Jared toned down his attitude and he lowered his eyes. Roy wasnt surprised by Todds flip and returned with some of his own. So things are good.....well thats wonderful, Im happy for you both.
What the _f_u_c_k_ ever.
Roy noted the look Jared tossed the boy but it was Todds reaction that he was the most intrigued by. He went from hostile and _c_o_c_k_y to a meeker attitude. He scratched down a couple notes for later.
Well I think we can begin. Todd, my nurse will take over now. Dont worry; you get to keep your clothes except for your shoes."
Roy paged the nurse.
Todd, youll just go down the hall for your height, weight and a hearing test all right?
You say that like I have a _f_u_c_k_ing choice, Todd snapped.
Jared opened his mouth to chastise him but Todd was already swallowing his tongue. The nurse walked in and had him totally wide-eyed and pale. Amy was a very capable and intimidating woman of 40+ years, she was nearly every inch as big and broad as Jared, and she possessed more than enough brawn to handle a teenage boy. She looked him up and down, sizing him up. This one was trouble, she frowned. Grey eyes, cold as the artic narrowed at him.
Come with me, young man.
Todd wasnt only intimidated he was terrified of her. His puppy dog eyes pleaded with Jareds hard green ones. An appeal to Jareds softer side.
Appeal denied. Jared just jerked his blonde head towards the door. Todds expression grew bitter and hard as he sullenly followed the Amazonian nurse like a man being led to the gallows.
Not missing the look of doubt in Jareds expression, Roy smiled, he had no doubts she could handle any problems with the boy. Secretly Jared enjoyed the momentary look of horror on Todds smug face. Kid needed taking down a peg or ten. Roy watched with sympathetic humor as Jared slumped in visual relief after the boy left the room.
He must be a laugh a minute. So hows life treating you, Jared. Todd looks better than he did a few weeks ago, though I think hes lost some weight and hes still breathing....so Ill assume things are working out. Jared chuckled at the doctors rye humor. His expression turned grim as Jared tossed Todds file on the doctors desk.
Oh yeah, like he said, every day is paradise.
As it should be.
Seriously, doc, I cant seem to get him to eat much. Its not like I dont have the food, not the way I eat.
Roy frowned as he read the file Jared gave him. There was nothing to worry about in the blood work he had just done prior and nothing mentioned in the kid's file.
Hmm. Must be nerves. Hes still getting settled in. His life and life style have sure changed from his normal. We'll give it a few more weeks and if there is no weight gain well do some more tests."
For some reason Jared was nervous and found sitting while the doctor read the file hard to do. What would he say? Would he take Todd away? Stunned that he even had that thought, Jared shoved it away. He was the boys legal guardian now so that was a non-issue. He paced the room.
Roy read on, going over the photos and making notes. Setting the folder down he rubbed his eyes when done. Looking up at Jareds somber face.
Ill be honest. I suspected as much....that there were some issues in his past. Have you two talked any about this?"
The large blonde shook his head negatively. Jared told him a little about Todds tantrums.
I see.
Hes really not into sharing. Repressed is a good word for it....or hostile and repressed. Its like pulling teeth to get anything out of him and last night the kid has this melt down on me. He told me things....things that made me sick to my soul, Roy.
The doctor asked what he had told Jared and what might have brought that on. Jared related to the doctor what had been going on in Todds home but he was reluctant to tell Roy intimate details of their home life, more specifically details on Todds discipline. He doubted very much that Todd would appreciate this conversation.
Jared Im not asking you to betray a trust. But I do need to know his reactions to situations to understand the boy and maybe figure out his behavior.
Jared could see that point. He related all that had gone on in the last month. Roy listened with patience. They talked awhile on Todds sleepwalking and his past. The doctor took notes, studied Jareds notes. Jared told him about the books hed been reading, especially the one on anger management. Roy was impressed.
Youve done a remarkable job, Jared. I know this author; he was quite an interesting man. Met him once, many years ago. He had some interesting views on anger management. Especially dealing with youth. I have his other two books if youre interested.
Jared said he was. Roy pulled them down for him. Do you know if hes still alive?
"No....I dont. Last I heard, after the blackout he and his partner headed for the mountains.
Roy winked and put heavy emphasis on partner. Jareds brows rose. Partner? Really?
Laughing at Jareds surprise. (Chuckle) Really. Some hockey player or something like that. Here read these. The man is or was great in this field had some old school notions about behavioral problems and anger management with young people or people in general.
Jared took the books and placed them on his chair. So what are you going to do with Todd today?
Why is there something I should look for?
Jared shook his head no. Id like to be present when you exam Todd.
Roy looked at Jared so long, Jared blushed and had a hard time holding the older man's gaze. He rushed to explain. I dont know how hes going to take all this. Im thinking not too well.
Oh, why is that?
Sitting back down in the chair Jared blew out a long breath. Just the fact that the brat jumped out of my Hummer in the middle of the street on the way over.
Hmmm. Really didnt want to see me did he?
Jared just gestured with raised hands. Id just like to be handy if he snaps.
Roy smiled. Perhaps to be supportive also?
Pulling a face worthy of his charge, Jared looked bleakly at the doctor. I dont think Todd will see it hat way.
As his legal guardian, its your right to be there. I have no objections.
So....what tests will he get?
The usual, hearing, take a look at him. I already have the blood work from weeks ago and there is no problem there, I see you had his dental and eyes checked so we are good there. We will be doing a rectal today.
Jared was surprised and said so. What? Hes very young for that. I thought only guys well....Brians age had to do that? I havent even had one.
I guess well be making that appointment for you, son. That used to be true. Under the age of 35 it was rare. Now we test males at age 15 once and he hasnt had that yet, then again at 25 and 35. Beyond age 40 its yearly after that."
Jared frowned. Whoa, doc, I dont know about this. Hes.....well....I dont think hell be a model patient. This is a bit much to spring on him.
If you want a complete exam, Jared, it needs to be done. Its quickly over with. I havent had a real problem yet."
You havent had Todd in there. If hes calm, Ill leave him to you. I dont want to humiliate Todd by being in there. I just dont want to pay for damages.
Roy laughed at stood up walking to the door. I appreciate it. Lets go check on him.
Todd followed behind he nurse. His nerves were on edge and ready to snap. He wished Jared were with him. He hated that he felt that way, weak and small. The nurse took him to a scale and had him take off his shoes. She had some trouble with him leaving them on the floor. He just got them and they were the first new pair he had in years and they fit perfectly. You dont go leaving good shoes around if you want to keep them. Only to himself would he admit that the affection for the shoes was that Jared bought them for him.
Young man! No one is going to steal your shoes.
Yeah? You gonna watch them the whole time? You aint taken em.
The nurse stared at the boy who had all but accused her of wanting to steal his shoes of all things. With a great show of annoyance she yanked them from his firm grip and locked them in a cabinet before he could blink. He tried to reach for her key but she blocked his reach by tossing the small brass key down the top of her white uniform into the valley of her ample breasts. She smiled in triumph as Todd cast her a horrified look. Todd was not about to follow that key....Jared would just have to buy him some new shoes.
Happy? Now get on the scale. She ordered. He stepped up on the scale.
Five foot....hmm....seven and
Todd glared at the Amazon who towered over him. Five-foot-eight." He glared hotly at her and bit off each word so as to make himself clear. Her gray eyes clouded. She found a tender spot in the boys pride. Amy drilling him with a stern glare of her own until he lowed his eyes.
Fine. Five foot eight....flat. One hundred thirty-eight pounds. Tsk tsk tsk.
She made sympathic noises at his slight frame. All too sensitive about his build he popped off a comment before it even registered as rude. Not everyone can have a girlish figure, right?
Taking none of his lip the nurse looked at him. Its not wise to provoke the one who will be drawing your blood, son.
Her sharp reply stole his thunder. Todd blanched....alarmingly so. Feeling bad for teasing him, even though the little guttersnipe had it coming. Amy tried to reassure him. Im only teasing, Todd. I would never hurt a patent with a needle like that. Not even a rude child like you. I can be a pretty easy-going person, young man, but I will not put up with that kind of rudeness, understand me?
Yessam. Todd had no idea where that came from. It was delivered complete with southern drawl and contrition. He could feel the heat of his blush from his toes to his ears. He sounded like a little kid.
Amy smiled at the lowed head in front of her. He wasnt so big he could get away with that kind of talk with her. Someone had taught him some manners down the line somewhere. That came out of the boy smooth as honey and genuine like it was second nature.
Thats better. Just be glad you're not one of my own kids or youd be a very sorry young man right about now.
Todd's blush grew red hot. He was indeed, infinitely grateful. The merry twinkle in her gray eyes took the sting out of the threat. Placing a soft hand on his shoulder.
Todd your chart says nothing about taking blood. Im sorry. I should not have teased you like that, so relax okay?
He tried....but just the idea of being stuck with a needle broke him out in a cold sweat. The nurses demeanor changed after that, before she was all business now she was very attentive and motherly albeit a very stern and bossy mother. Not once did she make him feel like an idiot or treat him like a waste of her time. He felt like a real ass for mouthing off to her but didnt have it in him to admit it.
She was stern to be sure, putting up with no more nonsense, when he balked at having to sit in what looked like a glass box with just a chair and some headphones hanging on the wall. For all his talk of being an adult, just the threat of her calling for Jared, moved his feet like some kid afraid of angering dad. Thats where the two men found him. He was sitting in a chair with headphones on. He was in the middle of his hearing test. They walked by the glass walled room he sat in with headphones on. Todd was to lift a hand to indicate which ear the sound came from. As soon as he saw Jared he indicated with a middle finger. Jared just shook his head at his antics. Todd couldnt hear anything the people on the other side of the glass said, but he could see they were talking. Jared asked the nurse a question; it was sometime before she answered. The look Jared gave him was more surprise than anger.
When the nurse turned around she winked at Todd and he let out the breath hed been holding. Jared was surprised at Todds co-operation so far. He guessed Todds little escape attempt or failure rather, mellowed him out. Other than the surly mood he was almost always in, he was behaving. Both the doctor and Jared left him alone again with the nurse. Soon that was over and she led him to a small exam room. The room was small but like all else here real nice and comfortably decorated. The nurse had him sit on the exam table she took his pulse, blood pressure and his temperature, making a couple notes she finished with him.
Okay, Todd, wait here and the doctor will be right in.
The room had an eerie quiet to it. He could even hear his own heartbeat....it was loud in his ears. He felt like a rubber band stretched too far and ready to snap. His last physical was at school, like when he was 12 and all they did was check him for lice, check his eyes and ears and that was it. He was a little worried about what was going to happen here. The door opened and both the doctor and Jared came in. Jared smiled and patted him on the back taking a chair next to him. Todd was all too aware of the relief he felt with Jared sitting next to him. The doctor just gave him a friendly smile.
How are we doing, Todd?
Todd just shrugged.
"Okay son, I need to take off your shirt, might as well take off any under shirt you have.
Almost of its own accord, Todds head swung around to look at Jared. It was the most open expression of worry Jared had ever seen. Todd was actually looking to him for reassurance. Jared gave him a smile and nodded for him to do as the doc said. Todd was glad he had worn a long sleeved sweater instead of anything with buttons. He could feel his hands shake a little; he whipped off his shirt and the tank under it revealing his still too slender torso. His nervousness raised gooseflesh all over him and his face flamed with his blush.
Jared reached for the clothes he could see how nervous Todd was. He placed a hand on Todds swinging leg in comfort. Todds eyes were glued to the floor and he was very silent. Todd crossed his arms and hugged them under his armpits to hide the shaking. This was a different version of Todd. The one he'd been living with was surly and moody and had no problem snarling at people. This Todd was very withdrawn. As if he was zoning out on them. One hand moved and began to pick at his lower lip.
The doctor set down his chart on the counter with a small sink and cupboards. He walked up close to Todd. This is what were going to do. Im going to listen to your heart and lungs. Then Im going check your ears, eyes, and throat. Okay?
Todd nodded his head silently eyes darting to Jared again. Roy worked fast but with deliberate movements. This boy was about to snap he was so tense. His heart rate was up a little but that was just nerves. Roy had Todd take some deep breaths to hear his lungs, actually he asked for several more, just to get Todd relaxed. Roy massaged the rigid shoulders a little before he asked Todd to lie down. The boy jumped a bit as he lightly tapped him along the abdomen. When the doctors hands slid down lean ribs an odd noise escaped Todd as he wiggled away from the exploring. He giggled, not in the conventional sense but a giggle none-the-less. The faint tan on Todds face darkened to a nice pink. That sound was the most amazing thing Jared had ever heard. Mistaking Jareds stunned expression for one of displeasure, Todd spoke only one word.
Roy
avoided tickling any further. Jared kept a close eye on Todd as the
doctor looked him over. The kid was doing good and remained calm.
Only problem was when the doctor looked down his throat and took a
swab, Todd nearly panicked as he gagged. Thats it, sorry, Todd.
I know thats never real fun, you did fine. I see your tonsils were
removed. Any idea when? No. Is that a problem, Doc? Jared asked
concerned. No, just curious. They dont do that much any more. After
making some notes the doctor opened the cupboard and pulled out what
looked like two shirts. Okay, Todd, Jared and I are going to step
out. I need you to get undressed. Put the first one on with the ties
in the back then the second with ties in the front. You can leave
your socks on if you like. Todd opened his mouth like he was going
to say something but he just nodded and took the gowns. Doc, Ill
be out in a minute. Jared lagged behind to talk to Todd. You all
right, Ansley? _f_u_c_k_n peachy.....why? Todd didnt look up or
move from the table. He was too busy kicking himself for cussing again.
Jared took his chin and lifted it up. Instead of anger in Jareds face
all he saw was concern in the greenest of eyes. You dont look so
peachy, kid. Im fine. Todd said a little too quickly as he shrugged
off Jareds hand. Jared didnt push him. All right. Im going to let
you get undressed. Todd? Hmm. Are you going to be okay with the
doc or do you want me in here with you? Stunned that he was getting
the choice in the first place. Todd looked up at Jared. There was
no mockery in his face, just honest concern. Todds mind screamed that
he didnt want this at all and that hed really like him there, but
his pride did the talking. Im cool. Jared gave him an unconvinced
look, then nodded and left. Todd took off his clothes and put on the
gowns like the doc said. He sat back down on the table, alone and
naked but for the gowns and his socks. He felt scared now and was
wishing he had asked Jared to stay and his pride kept him from calling
him back. He attacked his lip as he worried over what was going to
happen. Hed never been left alone with the doctor before, even his
lousy foster parents hung with him. More out of fear hed blab about
why he was all banged up but it was still someone familiar with him.
This was too much, too intense. He was about to bail. The door swung
open, Todd nearly jumped out of his skin. Too late now. Roy walked
in with the nurse; the boy waiting for him was strung so tight he
was barely breathing. His face was pale and hed made his lip bleed
with his picking. The doctor gave the nurse some silent discrete signal
and she handed him a wetted gauze pad. Roy moved to wipe the bloody
lip. Todds reflex was to put up a struggle. Roy just held his head
still and looked sternly into his eyes. Todd realized he was fighting
the doctor and forced himself to relax. Roy waited for Todd to do
just that and then began to dab at the lip. It wasnt bad, just raw
and the bleeding stopped quickly. Pick at your lip a lot, Todd? Sometimes. Roy
grunted. Well, lets give it a break now okay, youve made a nice open
sore. Todds eyes watched the nurse as she set up a tray for the
doctor. The rubber gloves were about the only thing he recognized.
That and the tube of KY, every one knew what that stuff was. The other
items were strange to him. What looked like the worlds largest cotton
swab, two small plastic envelops, the contents hidden and one larger
thick envelope that she crumbled up and reshaped before she placed
it on the tray. Then put the tray on the stand by the exam table.
The doctor had finished wiping at Todds lip about this time. Okay,
Todd. Have you ever had a physical exam before? Looking at the tray
Todd shook his head. No. Roy sat down on his stool and looked seriously
at Todd. This will feel strange and uncomfortable to you and thats
okay, its very personal. I will go slow and explain everything, okay? Nodding
his head, Todd tried to calm his nerves. Now Im going to check you
for hernia. What Ill need to do is to place my hands on and around
your testicles. That was it, Todds mental rubber band snapped. Oh
_f_u_c_k_ that! Dude, Im out." Todd! Wait! Todd was out the door.
He ran right into Jared. Seems his shadow was waiting outside the
door. He was given no chance to explain before Jared grabbed him,
spun him around and popped his butt, painfully with his large hand.
The thin cotton gown was no protection against the sting. Ow! Hey
wait....dont. You dont know what that old _f_u_c_k_.....Ahh! stop
it, Jared, wait! Jared landed another yet harder swat on his seat.
Todd tried to shove against the tank but being sock footed on vinyl
floor, he was at a disadvantage. He was simply and very easily slid
back into the exam room. Get back up on that table. Todd just
glared at him silently refusing. This time hed stand his ground. You
got three seconds. One.... He tried to reason with Jared who was
blocking the only way out. You dont know what he.... Two, boomed
Jareds voice in the small room. Todd licked his lips nervously and
his eyes panned from Jared to the others in the room back to Jared,
now reaching for his belt, hed have to stand on some other ground.
The same instant Jared counted three; Todds seat was planted back
on the tissue-covered table. If looks could kill, Jared would be burnt
to a crisp. Better. Now, whats the problem? Jared addressed the
doctor ignoring Todds glare. Seems Todd has never had a physical
exam. Todd, this is in no way meant to abuse you. The doctor went
into great detail why he would have to handle Todds penis and testicles
and while he had Todd as a captive audience he explained in advance
what else he was going to need to do. No amount of explanations were
going to convince Todd into allowing this man to handle his balls
or poke a finger up his butt and he said as much to the doctor. Surprisingly
as rough as he had just been with him, the tank didnt make any threats
during this conversation. Todds dark eyes darted to him from time
to time to gauge his reactions. Todd it has to be done and unfortunately
this is how its done. Just a part of being a man. Weve all been there,
son, its not pleasant but its nothing to fear, its not painful. Roy
tried diplomacy but met that ice wall of Todds stubbornness. I dont
give a _s_h_i_t_....not me. No one is going to do that to me. What
makes you think you have a choice in this, Ansley? Jared broke his
silent study of the situation. His voice was civil but there was that
edge to it than always made Todd want to run for cover. Not this time,
this was too much, he was not doing it. I mean it, Jared. This is
bull_s_h_i_t_ and I aint doin it.... not for you not for anyone! It
was obvious that Todd was adamant and would fight all the way on this.
Jared looked to the doctor and the nurse. Roy could I have a moment
with Todd alone please. Todds anxiety level rose. Beat me if you
want, asshole, that wont change nothin. That was not entirely true
but it sounded good. Be quiet, Todd. Roy looked from youth to
man. He nodded and escorted the nurse out. Alone with Jared, Todd
opened his mouth to defend his position. Jared lifted a hand to stall
what he would say. Just sit there, shut up and listen. This isnt some
sick freak wanting to grab your balls, Todd. Hes a doctor and its
his job to check you out. No one likes having this done in fact I
just found out that Ill be having it done soon myself. I know you
really dont want to do this but, Todd, it has to be done....and it
will be done. We had a deal. Thats one of our rules, Todd, we honor
deals....right? A sick feeling came over Todd, that he was on the
losing side of this. Hey, there was nothing in the deal about some
old man shoving his finger up my ass! Having to swallow his smile
at the indignation in Todds voice. Jared agreed that that specifically
was not mentioned but regardless that was exactly what was going to
happen and no further resistance would be tolerated. The fire in those
dark eyes told Jared that Todd was not ready to give in. Todd, do
you really think that I would ever let anyone hurt or abuse you? And
with me in the same room? He knew that Jared would not. But Jared,
_f_u_c_k_ dude....this _f_u_c_k_insucks! Clean it up Todd. Look
I know it sucks. There is no pain and it wont take long, okay? Todd
shot him a baleful look. Do I have a choice? No....not really. Actually
thats not true. You can be mature about this or I can just bend you
over my knees. That would probably be a big help for the doctor. So
yeah you have a choice....make one. The two glared at each other
for sometime while Todd wrestled with himself. He was defeated. The
idea of the exam was bad enough but to have it done over the tanks
knee? Hell no. Fine! All right? Let the old _f_u_c_k_ get his jollies.
Lets just get it over with," Todd said with more boldness than he
was feeling. Jared called the doctor and nurse back in. Roy could
see that Todd was not truly okay with this but it appeared that he
was going to allow it. He sought to comfort the boy. I will make
this as pain....er easy as possible okay, son? Now I need you to stand
up here in front of me. Dark eyes darted nervously to Jareds almost
on their own, seeking reassurance. Todd told himself hed hate himself
later but right now he wanted Jared close....just in case. Willing
himself to stand without shaking he did what the doctor asked. Roy
put on the rubber gloves and lifted the hem of the gown, when Todd
realized what he was about to do he yanked the gown back down and
looked at the nurse. Not with her in here. Amy frowned at Todd.
Young man, I have seen more balls and butts than I can count. Not
mine. He shot Jared a pleading look. *Man, cmon* Doc? Just this
once, give the kid a break. Roy gave Todd his best intimidating
glare. Just this once, son. Amy has a job to perform. Understand? The
frosty look he was getting from the usually gentle man was a little
unnerving. Todd nodded. The nurse didnt seem put out; she even winked
at him as she left the room. Once she was gone the doctor got down
to business. Okay, Todd I need you to pull up the gown to your navel. Todd
could feel the blush burn his face as he did. He couldnt help himself;
he flinched at the first touch. Sorry, son. Cold hands? Na.... Just relax, Todd. Trying to, Todd just fixed his eyes on the
picture on the far wall. The exam wasnt painful but embarrassing just
the same. The doctor handled his penis and balls with sterile detachment.
There was nothing _s_e_x_ual about it. Even if there had been, Todd
would have been too tense to enjoy it. It was very weird to have someone's
face right there, scrutinizing your most important parts. He was gentle
but very thorough; no part of Todds groin was left unexamined. True
to the doctor's word it was over quickly. But the doctor wouldnt let
Todd drop the gown just yet. He still had Todds penis and picked up
the large cotton swab from the table. Again Todds eyes sought Jared.
He didnt miss the winch that crossed the mans face. Todd, Im going
to have to ask you a couple serious, personal questions, its important
to be honest. Nervously Todd just nodded, at this point with his
dick in the doctors hand, what wasnt personal? I need to know if you
are _s_e_x_ually active. A fresh wave of heat flushed Todds face.
Um yeah but not....uh....lately. Drug use? nah. Any STDs? No. Ever
have unprotected _s_e_x_? No. Todd answered indignantly. The doctor
gave him a skeptical look. No....honest. Roy smiled as he put the
swab back on the table and let go of Todd. Okay, son, drop the gown. Curiosity
got the better of Todd. What was that thing for? Roy and Jared shared
a look. Best you dont ask, son. Todd didnt argue. He watched the
doc reach for the KY; he knew what was going to be next. He looked
fearfully to Jared who gave him a reassuring nod. Todd, I need you
to take off the top gown. Todd took off the gown and placed it on
the table. Again the doctor went over what he was going to do next
and why and what it was for. None of the explanations or the soft
voice he spoke with, helped slow his heart rate. Todd? You want
me in here or do you want me to go outside? Jared surprised him.
He was getting a choice....now. Just as he told himself earlier he
could hate himself tomorrow, he wanted....no needed Jared in here
now. He just didnt know how to ask. Jared seemed to read that some
how and made it easy. Am I staying, Todd? Todd just gave him a
nod. Doc. Do you mind? No, not at all, I think it might be reassuring
for the boy. Todd didnt get upset at the boy reference in fact it
didnt register. All right, son, I need you to turn around and lean
over the table. Todd turned to face the table, closed his eyes for
a second to calm his nerves. Then he laid his chest down on the table
like he was told to. When he heard the wheels of the stool squeak
he flinched. Jared moved to the other side of the table to face Todd
and placed a hand on Todds clenched ones. The other hand rubbed the
back of Todds head in a supportive gesture. Okay, Todd. Im going
to pull apart your cheeks and have a look. It felt like all the
blood rushed to his face as he felt hands spread his butt cheeks.
Todd hoped he wiped good this morning. Thats a very intricate tattoo
you have, Todd, nice work. Must have been painful, hmm? Todd fought
for the power of speech but before he could, the doctor was done it
was over in seconds. He felt ....he didnt have the word for it but
it was an awful feeling. Todd, were going to do the rectal exam
now. Im going to put some lubricant on you....it may feel a bit cold. Todd
jumped at the touch. Jared spoke softly to him. Easy, kid, try to
relax....it will be over soon. The dark head nodded silently. Okay,
Todd, Im going to place my finger against your rectum.... A wave
of panic crashed over Todd. He stood up and looked at Jareds face.
I dont think I can .....I cant.... Strong arms reached across the
table to hold the tattooed biceps. Cmon buddy, relax. Lets just get
it done. Todd put up a mild struggle only to have the stronger arms
pull him with more force. Cmon, Todd. Itll be over in just a minute. Green
eyes soft and filled with tenderness locked onto Todds. Letting himself
be pulled back over the table Todd lowered his head to his fists his
heart pounded in his chest. Jareds large hand rested on the back of
his head in both comfort and to keep him from attempting to get up
again. Ready, son? He as unready as ever but nodded yes. Im
going to place my finger against your rectum. Todd flinched again
as he felt the doctors finger touch his most private spot. The cold
greasy feeling was weird and fresh waves of panic washed over him.
Jared must have sensed this. He rubbed the back of Todds head again
and whispered words only meant for him to hear. Okay, Todd, this
will sound odd but I need you to do it. I want you to bare down now
like your having a bowel movement. When you do, Im going to push my
finger inside....ready son? No he wasnt but he did what the doc
said. He couldnt help the low moan as he felt the smooth rubber covered
finger push slowly past the ring of tight muscles of his hole. It
wasnt painful but it wasnt pleasant. Todds eyes began to water with
unwelcome tears. He could feel the doctors hand rotate slowly. Todd
took in a big breath; Jareds large hand massaged his neck and ignored
the clammy skin. The doctor got up off the stool and stood to his
side, wrapping his free arm around Todds waist drawing him closer
as he pushed forward with his examining finger. Todd raised his head.
He could not believe what he was feeling. As if this wasnt bad enough
alone, he was also getting hard. A soft whimper slipped past his lips. Youre
doing fine, Todd. Almost done. I need you to do one more thing....
bear down on my finger again and try and hold it there. So I can test
your rectum muscles. Thats it good. Okay, son, were done with this. Roy
slowly withdrew his finger and a low groan from the boy. Todd didnt
move to stand up. A suspicious sniffle came from the bent over lad. Son,
you can stand up now. The dark head just shook negatively. Todd
didnt want to stand and let the other men know his current condition.
What would they think? Here he was getting a woody from a rectal exam.
He was mortified and about to bawl. Todd, please stand and face
me. Jared tapped his shoulder, silently ordering him to obey the
doctor. Shame faced he did and his dick poking out making an obvious
tent in the gown. He refused to meet the doctors eyes. Todd, I want
you to listen to me very carefully. All Todd wanted to do was dissolve
into the floor. That is a very normal and expected reaction. It happens
all the time. Its a totally involuntary reaction and normal, Todd.
Okay? It wasnt okay with Todd but he nodded. Jared leaned over and
whispered something in his ear and made Todd grimace. It had the right
effect within moments he was soft again and hidden in the gown. And
Jared had a mischievous grin on his face. And whats so amusing,
Jared, Roy asked in his best mock stern voice as he took off his gloves
and replaced them with fresh ones, making Todd frown. Oh nothin.
Just asked Todd to imagine Amy in a leather mini skirt and thigh highs. Jared
thats ..(choke)..not nice. The doctor barked as he fought to keep
a stern look on his face and failed. Instead he burst out laughing.
Thats not nice, Jared....shes a very nice lady....but in a mini?....Amy?....oh
heavens no! Amy could hear the roaring laughter. Not what she expected
from that room. She continued to type her reports. Roy looked at the
solemn boy who didnt join in their joking. Taking a deep breath he
addressed, Todd. Okay, kiddo. We are all but done but the worst
is behind us....er....no pun intended. Todd didnt get it any way;
he was so tense his head felt like it would split. He had just gone
through the most humiliating ordeal of his life and now there is more?
Roy reached for one of the plastic pouches on the tray. Jared Im glad
youre in here. From Todds file I see he has an aversion to injections.
Im afraid I need to administer a couple before we can call it a day. Roy
wisely left out that both shots were painful to take. Todds head whipped
from man to man. What did he just say? Yo, dude. No one said anything
about _f_u_c_k_in shots , man. Taking a deep breath Roy gave Todd
a very stern look. Im sorry, Todd. I know you dont like them, but
there is no way around them. Sure there is. Dont give them. Strong
hands clasped his shoulders, Todd look up into green eyes. Its all
right, Todd. Lets just do this. Todd couldnt help the tremors that
ran over his body. He could do this, he told himself. He tried not
to watch the doctor tear the packaging off the syringe, but his eyes
stayed lock on that small needle. Todd, this is a tetanus shot. Todds
eyes widened, he remembered those....they hurt. *Chill, man up, man
up, dont freak, dont freak.* Over and over like a mantra, he told
himself to be cool to take it like a man. He flinched when the doctor
swabbed his arm with the cold alcohol. The needle was just inches
from his arm. *Dont, man, dont freak....not in front of Jared....keep
it together....oh _f_u_c_k_ this!* Panic crashed his resolve to
be brave about this. It wouldnt be the first time Jared saw him lose
it. He shoved against the table and backed away from the two surprised
men. Jareds face had a dark expression and the doctor looked like
he had run out of patience as well. Jared walked up close to Todd
nearly backing him into the corner. He could see that he was really
and truly frightened and was about to have a serious melt down. Ansley,
we are not going to play this game. Now cmon and lets get this over
with. _f_u_c_k_ you, man! I aint getting stuck with no needle. Okay,
Todd, okay. Jared backed away. When Todd turned his attention to
the doctor, Jared made a lunge for him and grabbed a stunned Todd
firmly by the arms and held him while he kicked and cussed. Sorry
I have to do it like this but it has to be done , Ansley. Jared
lifted him off his sock footed feet, taking him back to the exam table
and bent Todd face down over it. Jared bent one of Todds arms behind
his back giving the doc a nicely exposed bicep. There was no moving
it. Todd bellowed his frustration. He watched as the doc swabbed the
area again. NO! Dont! He felt the sting of the needle as it pierced
his skin and sunk deep into his muscle. Arrrrgh! Jared held him
firmly until the doctor withdrew the needle and rubbed the injection
sight briskly with his palm and placed a bandage on it. Okay, son,
one more. Jared, Ill need to get to his hip. Todd felt Jared reposition
himself. He was still just as immobile as before. Whats that one,
doc?"The sound of plastic tearing sent chills down Todds spine. Its
one blessing from that infernal black out. Modern medicine found a
way since to combine all vaccines into one safe injection. Im afraid
youll need to hold him still. It goes deep into the muscle and the
serum is thick so it will be painful for him. Ripples of panic washed
over Todd. Jared! Dont! Quiet, Todd! Todd had no intentions
in just letting them stick him with another needle. He used his only
weapons available to him, his feet. He kicked and gave Jared a glancing
blow to the groin. Roy winced at the pained look on his long-time
friend's face. As well as the dark shadow that followed. Thats enough,
brat! Jared jerked Todd up like a rag doll and dragged him over
to the armless chair in the corner. Todd was jackknifed over Jareds
lap, his gown opened, exposing his backside from mid-back to ankles
in a single heartbeat. His bared bottom was a ripe target. Jared took
full advantage of it, his large hand cracked down on the white globes
several times with great force. Making Todd yelp and squirm. His butt
ignited in flames immediately, Jared was not holding back. Todd yelled
and cussed Jared. Amy could hear the ruckus. She was about to walk
in when she heard the familiar sounds of bare flesh being smacked....and
firmly by the sounds of it. Nodding her approval at the closed door
she returned to her tasks. That was a mistake, boy, I have half
a mind to whup your butt until my pain goes away. But we arent going
to take up that much of the good doctor's time. Doc, can you give
him the injection like this? Roy grinned approvingly and nodded.
He had been sorely tempted to paddle this kid himself. The fight still
was alive in Todd. He put up a renewed struggle. NO!....dont!....Jared,
no needles!....pah....please!! Todds voice cracked with panic, Jared
felt his resolve soften, Todd was genuinely afraid. Both he and Todd
watched, the doctor approach with the needle. It was a monster and
the fat syringe held what looked like milk. Jared felt the panic rise
in Todd. Frantic grunts, almost whimpers escaped Todd as he fought
Jareds hold on him. Jared looked down at the squirming pink moons.
There was one way to ensure this outcome and that Todd wouldnt suffer
too much from the needles bite. Jared wrapped a leg over Todds pinning
them and cracked his palm down on the upturned flesh, painfully. Do
not tell me no. You will do what you're told, Todd. If the doctor
says you need a shot, ....you _d_a_m_n_ well will take one. Jared
landed several swats to the already reddening bottom. Todd stopped
fighting and concentrated on keeping himself from bawling in front
of the doctor. He grabbed onto Jareds ankle with a death grip and
bit his knuckles to keep from crying out. Once Todd stopped squirming
Jared nodded to the doctor to resume his job, Jareds warm hand rubbed
the tattoo just above the pale skin that displayed red handprints
complete with detailed fingers. The rubbing was not felt really. Todd
never felt the swab of alcohol or the long needle that was injected
into his left butt cheek. All that registered was pure heat from the
spanking. Todd did feel the sting of the think serum as it caused
an ache to spread across the already sore cheek and down the length
of his left leg. It lasted what felt like hours but in reality the
needle was in only a full minute. Todd couldnt help whimper a little
when the needle was removed. Jared felt the tremors shaking the slender
body over his knees. He was directed by the doctor to massage firmly,
the knot the injection caused. Jared worked the fair sized lump under
his fingers with gentle pressure until it felt like it was dissolving.
Todd was grateful for the rubbing, it did minimize the ache and it
gave him time to get himself together, as best as one can over a lap.
Jared eased Todd back on his feet. Roy watched all this with interest
and scratched down a few more notes. Todd was subdued but not exactly
repentant yet made no move to retaliate Jareds treatment of him. Poor
boys face was red and so were his teary eyes. Roy gave Todd a gentle
pat on the shoulders and wound up a timer. Were all done now, son.
Its over. Roy picked up the larger thick package and handed it to
Todd. It was almost hot to the touch. Todd had never seen anything
like it. Its a thermal towel. To clean up with, just toss it in
the trash when youre done. When youre dressed come back to my office.
I need you to wait 20 minuets before I can let you leave the building
okay, son? Todd nodded, too emotional to speak. His chest was so
tight he could hardly breath. Doc, Ill be there in a moment. I want
to talk to Todd a moment. The doctor left taking the timer with
him. They were alone now. Alone with the tank sized man that had taken
any shred of pride from him. Todd stood stone still. His emotions
were all over the place he was having trouble locking them back up. Pretty
pissed at me, huh? Liquid eyes burned with fire. I can live with
that. Im not real happy with you right now either. You had that coming.
You made this trip much more difficult than it ever had to be. From
the beginning youve been a little ass today, whats with that huh?
Anyway, you could say I did you a favor. Todds expression said he
doubted it. Jared picked up the needleless syringe the doctor had
just used and held it up so Todd could see it. Would you have rather
felt this or a few deserved swats? Todds eyes locked on to the syringe,
hed never seen one that big. His knees felt weak. He reached back
and rubbed his bottom he felt the bandage the doc covered the injection
with. He never felt it stick him, all he was feeling was the spanking.
Jared watched the color drain from Todds face. Poor kid was terrified
of needles....why? So are you going to tell me what that was all
about? Jared indicated the needle. "I thought you said you werent
afraid of shots. Just didnt like them....is what you said. Kiddo that
was more than dislike. Todd stood a few feet away head down. He
stood so long and still like that, that Jared thought he had zoned
out completely. When he did finally speak his voice was husky and
low. Youll just think its stupid. Not what Jared was expecting....far
far from it. Kid, since when have you ever cared what I thought....about
anything? Todd shrugged; he didnt have the words to answer that.
He was not sure why he should care....but he did and it didnt sit
well. Todd, have I ever called you stupid? No....Look it is stupid
I know that okay. But they just....freak me out okay? No, thats
not okay. You werent freaked out you were terrified. Why do needles
scare you so bad? Todd tried to busy himself with his clothes but
Jared didnt let up or miss the hand that rubbed an eye. Jared was not put off. What did she tell
you, Todd? Brown eyes begged to be let go but the plea was unanswered.
That the doctors had shots that would hurt worse than any beating
and that shed sell me to one so I could be used as a human pin cushion
to test them. Behind kind green eyes worked a mind that was _d_a_m_n_ing
the bitch to any and the worst of hells. Thats not stupid, Todd....thats
sick. I wish you would have told me earlier. Wouldnt have done any
good. Todd said dismissively. I still would have freaked....I always
do. Self-loathing rang clear in Todds voice. Giving the serious
boy a goofy grin Jared gave him notice. Well then I guess youll just
have to be spanked before a shot from now on. Thanks I can feel
the love, dude. There was no humor in that voice. Jared pulled a
very sullen Todd into a quick hug. Todd gave a half-hearted struggle,
more for the appearance of one. He felt Jared place a kiss on the
top of his head as he pushed the man away. A weird sensation squeezed
his chest but he was too angry to think much about it. Todd, none
of this was geared to humiliate you. It was necessary. You wont have
to do that again for many years. Im really sorry it had to be done....I
didnt know about it myself and I did ask if there was a way around
it....believe me? Todd did and nodded; he was still pissed at Jared. Good.
Okay, get dressed and when you're done you go straight to the doctor's
office....hear me? Nodding his head he almost missed the warning
look Jared was giving him. Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Im not playing,
Todd. Jared said sternly giving the boy what he hoped was an intimidating
glare. Back up off of me! I hear all right? Todd snapped at him
but his posture didnt back up the tone. He refused to meet Jareds
eyes as he fumbled with his piled up clothes. Good. We are all but
out of here, okay....just a few minutes and we can leave." Left
alone, Todd took a couple deep, shaky breaths, he moved to sit down.
It was not a great idea. He was really feeling the shots effects now.
His left butt cheek was sore and felt real achy from upper hip, down
into the thigh. That on top of the spanking, it was a bit much for
sitting, though the soreness of the spanking was beginning to fade
some. Todd used the hot towel to wipe the lubricant off with. He was
taking a shower when he got home, this KY stuff did not want to come
off. He just pulled his jeans over his hips when the door opened and
the nurse came in. He couldnt help the blush that flamed his face.
She had to have heard all the noise. She probably enjoyed it too he
thought. Doing all right in here? Todd only answered with a silent
nod. A mothers heart went out to the dejected boy. He didnt seem the
tough man now. Half naked and half the attitude and all boy and a
miserable one at that. Okay, hon, Ill let you finish getting dressed. Just
as he was ready for shoes the door opened again. The nurse opened
the door and walked in. With a gentle smile she handed him his precious
shoes. The red staining his cheeks and the humble thanks, only made
her smile deepen. He was about to leave when she held out her hand
and in it was an assortment of suckers. She smiled at him and gave
him all of them. Her heart melted when he gave her just the weakest
of smiles and walked stiffly down the hall. She followed and had him
sit by her desk until the Doctor was ready to call for him. Jared
sat with Roy in his office waiting for Todd. He was nervous with all
the note writing the doctor seemed to be doing. He could take no more. Is
there a problem, Roy? Roy looked over his glasses at the man across
from him. Relax, boy. Just some notes. Sorry, Doc. Dont be.
Was that one of these tantrums you mentioned. Jared rolled his eyes.
Do you have to ask? Very seriously Roy said yes he did. Jared, that
was not a tantrum as much as panic attack. I am concerned that these
tantrums may be more than that. Jared got worried. What do you mean? The
doctor and Jared talked seriously about Todds behavior. Jared learned
many things. That Todd was very possibye and more probably suffering
from PTSD and that it was not something to fear just meant that there
were reasons behind the anger. Roy said that Todd hid behind his defenses.
It was like living in a bubble. Well bubbles are fragile, one wrong
move and POP! Theyre destroyed, sometime so are those who live in
them. Todds control issues made more sense now....living in that bubble
you must control each move and the moves around you or all is lost. Todds
problems now a days are that these little tricks that kept him safe
as a child or a younger child no longer work at his age so he tries
harder to control his life but without the guidance or experience
to do so. The doctor pointed out some of the signs that Todd had displayed
today. His lip picking was on top. Todds ability to zone out when
being scolded or yelled at. Roy surmised that he also had the ability
to withdraw mentally in tougher situations like during beatings or
when fights....it was not uncommon among abuse victims and a clear
symptom of PTSD....almost like an out of body detachment. Jared was
asked if Todd became sleepy or real lethargic during or after intense
situations. The answer was yes. These were all signs of anxiety or
Todds tells he was feeling it. What Jared saw as a tantrum was most
likely caused when Todds defense tricks failed him resulting in an
anxiety attack? This was very deep and overwhelming for Jared, as
if it wasnt already with Todd. Great....thats just great. What am
I suppose to do with this....with him? Roy looked at Jared like
he had just said the most idiotic thing known to mans ear. What do
you mean?....what do you do now? You do just as you have been , Jared.
You love that boy; you take care of him. Nothing has changed.....has
it? Jared blushed bright red feeling very much chastised. No, nothing
has changed, Roy. Just how do I handle him....like today....did I
do the right thing in there....hell, Roy, that boy is just begging
for an ass whuppin but is that the right way to handle him, I mean
with his background? Leaning on his desk the doctor nodded. Im no
physiatrist, Jared, and Im very....whats the word....old school? I
never bought into the Dr. Spock version of raising kids. At the
face Jared made, Roy quickly amended his thought. I know you're not
really raising Todd....he is a little passed that. Hes no toddler
and not a man yet either. Man in training, that work better? Jareds
chuckle said volumes. I dont buy into that inner child crap either,
son, seems too much like blaming someone else for our problems. Todd
needs to be trained how to deal with his problems. So yes, yes if
its warranted, deserved, and from what Ive seen today it most certainly
is, yes, by all means, bust his tail." Slouching in his chair Jared
cast the older man a doubtful look. I dont know, Roy. Ive busted that
can of his a few times and pretty hard too but youd never know it
by his reaction. The kid doesnt cry, not really the few times he has....Roy,
its the eeriest thing, he makes no noise , none....sometimes I feel
like I need to make sure hes even breathing. How do I know if Im doing
this right, how hard do I push? You push all the way, Jared. Youre
an intelligent man I have no doubts that you can discern the difference
between his temper and a panic attack. Jared grimaced and shook his
head. He really hates it. Hes even taken a swing at me for it once. Roy
nodded and stroked the area behind his ear, as was a habit of deep
thought. Hmmm. Not that surprising and I think normal in this case.
Natural that he hates it, Id be a might concerned if he didnt. Was
his response back in there a typical one? Typical what? Oh, yes,
one of his better performances too. See what I mean? Shaking his
head at who used to be a very confident young man. Rest easy, Jared.
Is he calmer after you punish him? Like he calmed down in there? You
seem able to rein him in. Jared said yes that Todd did mellow out
after he got after him like that, occasionally even got him to talk
openly after a spanking. The doctor questioned more deeply about their
time at the cabin and at home, then asked Jared to listen to him very
seriously as not only his doctor, friend, but also as a father of
four boys. Listen to me, Jared, listen to what you just said. Hes
calmer; he listens to you, at least a little bit. You said he seldom
repeats the same mistake so hes learning the rules and living by them....right?
Okay and that hes even opened up to talk after hes been in trouble.
If he felt abused I dont think any of that would be the result....do
you Not having thought of it like this Jared shook his head. Jared,
in a perfect world Id be sending him to counseling but, well, here
we are and its nowhere perfect. Im not concerned about him with you,
you're doing a great job. As for his what did you call it....ice wall?
Detachment is like I said, one of those little tricks kids like Todd
use to hide behind. Jared, whatever it is you are doing seems to be
having an effect on his ice wall, Todd is showing some strain in his
control there....Jared, that boy is wound so tight with 10 kinds of
trouble just itching to escape, Im tempted to prescribe some meds
for him. Seeing the unease that Jared displayed at this. We can
hold off on that for now....see how things go. Right now you are the
best medicine for him. Just be there for him, son, support him, and
be consistent. I see no reason to change what seems to me to be working.
Its only natural that he tests you, his boundaries, even himself.
Use your head; use whats in those books I gave you. Dr. Berringer
was a brilliant man and he covers those anxiety signs Ive mentioned
and call me if you need anything. Ready to call in Todd? Jared said
he was. He had a lot to chew over and was looking forward to going
home to relax and let it all sink in. Tods was very silent and the
look Jared got from him killed the idea of a peaceful evening. The
temperature in the office had just plunged several degrees. The doctor
went over the exam. Todd was in the pink and the only thing he needed
was some weight. He refused any offer of vitamins but agreed to continue
the power shakes Jared had been giving him. He was given a stern lecture
on nutrition and eating properly, bordering on mind numbing. He had
to bite his cheek when Jared made assurances that Todd would follow
these instructions to the letter. When the doctor casually asked about
his past disappearing acts at hospitals and other offices, Todd honestly
but apprehensively explained that he was taught how to avoid paying
for treatment that way. Any attempt the doctor made to discuss his
nervous habits or their cause was met with stony silence. Todd wanted
to sink through the floor when the two men began to discuss his sleepwalking
again. The doctor said for Jared just to keep an eye on him and that
he would contact some people who knew more about this than he did.
Jared looked at the surly younger man. He knew in that single moment,
that no matter what caused the tempers, his past, the sleepwalking
or any other little eccentricities the kid had, he loved Todd. That
was all he needed to know. Todds thoughts to himself were a little
different, he also thought that Jared knew all he needed. Im a loser
freak.* A warm hand closed around the back of his bent neck and
gave a gentle squeeze. Todd looked over to Jared and those _d_a_m_n_ed
green eyes of his reflected what the hand conveyed....knowing compassion
and a flame of some long forgotten, barely recognizable sentiment.
Jared leaned over as the doctor rummaged through paperwork and gave
him a little shake, sternly whispering in his ear. Knock it off,
Ansley. Startled, Todd could only blink, stunned to the core as
Jared sat back in his chair grimly shaking his blonde head. Todd truly
believed the man had the power to read minds and it was beginning
to annoy him.
More stories by Frost Spinner