Master,

i sit here, my whipped body nude to help me strip my mind as well, as You are teaching me to do. i write what comes to my mind...

i masturbated when i arrived home, and the thought that was most intense was the memory of being collapsed at the whipping post, crying and broken while the cat continued to lash me until i begged You to stop. i confess that i was wishing You would have done that to me again. maybe even 3 times, reduced to that state. ii suspect that each time i would have been able to take even more. i think that i have found my destiny and my proper place in the s/m world. thank You for leading me there.

even though my skin is tough, there are marks on my body today, Sir, and i keep looking at them, proud to wear them for You. some lash marks on my upper shoulders, and one small blood blister on my front shoulder where the whip must have sprung around and over my neck. there are welts and considerable soreness on each buttcheek, towards the top and outside. whenever i move in a seat, i am reminded that i was whipped last night.

when i left Your chambers, Sir, i was so high, almost as if i'd been smoking a joint. guess it was the endorphins kicking in. i also suspect that i was drunk on Your caring for me. i felt like a boy, Sir, truly...maybe a wiseass teenager who knew he was cherished and who was grateful for the direction and punishment. it took quite a while before i realized that my "other identity" is a middle-aged, successful, responsible man. i was actually disappointed that i had to leave the world You have helped me find, and i tried to hang in there as long as possible. even driving home, Sir, i remembered that You warned me about drunk drivers, and i drove very defensively, feeling very much like a 16yo who had just learned how to drive.

there is something about Your touch, Master. whenever You lay a hand on me, no matter where, it is so soft and warm and caring and makes me tremble inside and surrender. all You ever have to do if You need me to relax is touch me the way You do.

i don't remember it happening last nite, Sir, but suddenly at one point i realized that You had broken me, and i was completely surrendered to You and had really lost myself in Your will just like You told me You wanted me to. When You first told me that, i didn't think it possible, especially since i had arrived in an agitated state of mind. but it really, really, happened, Master, and it brought me great peace.

i love my puppy-couch, Sir. especially when You leave me there and then come over to me. it was also awesome to discover that You know and understand about meditation and deep breathing, and i did exactly what You told me while i was lying there. i also loved lying there quiet and subdued, blindfolded and bound, keeping my legs open so You could view my boy_c_o_c_k_ and smooth bare groin.

when You punished me with the strap, Sir, the end of it kept landing in the same place---my upper buttcheek towards the outside. that of course is Your right, and was real punishment, Sir. what happens however is that one small part of my body is lashed to the panic-point while there is so much other flesh that remains relatively unpunished.

i was so happy to know that i'd made You proud of me, Sir, especially since i know that you don't just say that. You were so encouraging last nite....and as a result you broke my resistance and agitationso that i could lose myself in the moment with you.

sometimes when You lash me, Sir, i go back in time. sometimes, in my mind, i am actually being punished for things in the past. other times, i am drawn to the memory of those friendships i told you about when i was a y oungster, where i secretly wish that my best friends would own me, take care of me and also beat me. one boy in particular, Sir, who wasn't really a friend but who always kind of acted feisty with me, and who i have often fantasized took my virginity and made me his whipping boy---his name was Danny, Sir--and he was blond like You (which is an extraodrary turn-on)...and at one point when I was swllowing Your _c_o_c_k_, it was also his, Sir.

thank You, Sir, for my first waxing. Chest was not too difficult to handle at all. You know how hard it was for me to take it on my boy_c_o_c_k_ and balls, Sir, and i'm glad i could drink that pain for you.. the most extraordinay thing of all was when You waxed the tip of my boy_c_o_c_k_---that was almost the same psychic kick as being collapsed at the whipping post, and even though i begged You to stop, i felt Your ownership on the end of my boybock very deeply and intensely.

i am learning a lot about myself. not only about my identity but also about things that are very helpful for me and things that are very difficult, and tend to bring on resistance or even panic. kneeling is bad, but groveling is awesome. reclining helps me relax and focus, no matter where You tell me to do it. time on my puppy couch is time when my mind calms down and becomes clear and i move to place where You own me totally. the whipping post is a place where i know i belong, Sir, for You. so is being blindfolded, although i adore the sight of Your ass and genitals, Master.

i have never explored age regression before, Sir, but last night it felt so wild and so good. i adored it when You brushed my hair for me, Sir, and when You give me advice about thing. smooth little whipping boy.

i went to get something to eat after i left You, Sir, because i needed something before i drove home. went to Paparazzi...kind of afun place, sitting at the bar. thegirls behind the bar are very very classy, and i got to be in the middle of all these cute adorable 20-something guys. i imagained myself to be younger than them, and sitting there already whipped but available to them if they wanted anything for me. i also imagined being there with you, groveling at your feet while you enjoyed a beer and talked to the others. i imagined what it would be like to eat from Your hand.

i needed to use the boy's room. there are two urinals there, and one is lower than the other. i used the boys' urinal. someone else came in and stood next to me to pee. i kept my boy_c_o_c_k_ and balls exposed in case he snuck a peek so he would see that i'd been shaved and there was wax on me, and know i was not a man but a boy.

i will be thinking of You a lot during the week Sir, while i am away in nyc. if i am whipped, Sir, while there, You will be very much on my mind and i will be a good boy to make You proud of me.

your smooth whipping boy robby.

PS If you would like continue my education, please jot a note to canerb@aol. com or, if that screen name isn't up and running, to grobnh@hotmail. com