For best results you will require the following:
Implements
A small spanking paddle, available from most online stores or a small clothes brush, oval and flat backed and made of mahogany will do.
Environment
A seclded famale-free property is best. Arrange your furniture to suit, a firm bed is ideal.
Ingredients
Two small pieces of meat, choose two rounded pieces, and one strong right arm, an arm used to working out on weights in a gym is best.
Recipe
Take your two slender young pieces, choose the youngest you can find, mould well before starting and ensure that the meat is tender by applying the paddle very hard and briskly. You will need to ensure that the meat is tenderisied. You will know when the meat is done because of the automatic and very high pitched warning sound which will be heard when it is cooked.
Enjoy.