So there I am last Friday, poking around in a flea market "junque" shop, and what do I see in the middle of a row of wooden kitchen implements but a paddle. It was quite obviously *not* a kitchen implement -- clearly it had been fashioned to heat up the sort of "buns" that you don't bake in an oven -- but I guess the seller didn't know where else to display it.
I just gave it a casual glance at first, because it was pretty small -- maybe 14 inches including the crude tapered handle -- and it looked too thin to make much of an impression. So I went on poking around, but I was intrigued and right before I left, I returned to get a better look at the old paddle.
I was extremely surprised when I picked it up to discover how heavy it was. Upon closer inspection, I found that the maker had carefully affixed a neatly-fitted sheet of lead to the quarter-inch-thick wood! Buried almost invisibly all around the edge of the lead were small tacks which had been used to bind it to the wood. It was plainly very old, the handle was worn smooth with use, and the wood itself was blackened with oxidation. I bought it -- for a dollar.
When I got it home, I examined it more closely under better light. Stamped crookedly into the soft lead near the handle, as if someone stamped it letter by letter, are the words PHILA BOYS ACAD. I am going to try and research this institution, but in the meantime -- what images were conjured up for me!!! Especially by the very tame and innocuous appearance of what seems to be an ineffectively slim instrument which, in fact, weighs nearly four pounds!
I can easily imagine the young gentlemen making their first acquaintance with the paddle -- bent forward with their hands on their knees or perhaps bent over the professor's desk, the thin serge of their trousers stretched tightly over round bottoms, and a slight smug smirk on their lips -- for, having seen the paddle, they must have imagined it capable of only delivering love-taps. And then! The sudden explosive crack of the weighted wood crashing across their buttocks! Their eyes flying open in abrupt surprise at the utterly unexpected bonfire of searing heat and sting blazing in their bottoms! Ah, there must have been many a strangled gasp of shock and consternation when that paddle's first smack was felt. I have tried it on my own butt -- over jeans and jockey shorts, both of which are more "protection" than the thin cotton drawers and serge trousers which boys of the 1910's or 1920's would likely have worn -- and let me tell you, even through the heavy denim and combed cotton briefs that thing STINGS like a bolt of lightning! Whoever came up with the idea of putting a sheet of lead on the back of the paddle certainly knew what he was doing. The weight, combined with the thin wood (I think it is tulip poplar, a native Pennsylvania tree often used in olden times for inexpensive wooden items) make for a paddle which is stingingly painful out of all proportion to its size.
If anyone is familiar with this type of paddle construction, please get in touch with me. I think it is fascinating, almost amazing, that someone took the time and care not only to come up with such a blistering paddle, but to construct it so carefully. And I love the fact that the handle is worn very smooth with use. I can only imagine how many young gentlemen's backsides were treated to a dose of this paddle, but it must have been very many. And I can hardly believe it is the only one of its kind -- or why would anyone bother to stamp the school's name into the lead sheet? I'll bet there were more than a few of these made!
It's always nice to find something interesting in the CP line in these old shops and antique marts, and as I live near Philly I should be able to find out some history of this boy's academy fairly easily. In the meantime, I will just enjoy imagining all those sizzling bottoms of long ago. And I am sure the paddle's maker would be happy to know that it will once again, soon, be turning "boy" behinds red-hot and sore!