A m m discipline romance story
Cat's web site: http: www. geocities. com catsfiction
The multitude of flowers were beautiful, really beautiful, but somehow, their combined perfume was cloying, more than that, threatening, it hung on the atmosphere like a prophecy of things to come. Adam, sitting on the edge of his chair, hands tightly clasped between his knees, stared hard at the floor, concentrating on keeping his thoughts in check. He needed to get through this day, before other days and their awful possibilities could be taken into account.
There was no sound in the room, a few attempts at conversation had been made and abandoned, silence reigned, silence and the sad sickly stench of funeral flowers. Adams tie felt like a tourniquet around his neck, strangling, choking, hed always hated wearing a tie, avoiding them whenever possible. His fingers reached compulsively to drag the knot loose, but a gentle hand intercepted his and pushed it back to his lap.
"Theyre here." A voice shattered the tense silence, causing a ripple of movement to undulate through the room.
The atmosphere deepened further as the tall, dark suited men from the funeral directors stepped into the room, bringing with them an air of finality. They looked to Adam for permission to proceed, he managed a nod, then sat mesmerised, as the oak lid with its brief inscription, and poignant desire that the enclosed should rest in peace, was placed reverently over the occupant and screwed down. Adam felt a chill sweep over him, as if hed been doused in iced water, tremors racked his body, this was it, this was really it, the last stage.
A hand under his elbow helped raise him to a standing position, though his knees were shaking so much that he didnt think they could support him. "I cant," he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion, "Phin, I cant! Let them do it, I cant do any of it."
"You can, of course you can," Phineas gently squeezed his partners elbow, "and you will, because you loved him, and you owe him this last respect."
Adam nodded, forcing back a desire to fling himself into Phins arms and sob like a child, to ask for all responsibility to be removed from him in this matter. But it couldnt be, he needed to play his part, for his future peace of mind, he knew that. He stood up straighter as the undertakers approached to ask if he was ready. Again he nodded, bracing himself for the saddest, most unwelcome, yet most honourable tribute that a son could pay a father, to be his chief mourner and pallbearer. He knew a little of what to expect, theyd had a dry run with an empty coffin, but the undertaker had warned him that it would be much heavier once his fathers remains were held within, and the path to be walked bearing this sad burden was a fairly lengthy one.
Pale petals, from the avenue of almond trees that shaded the route, drifted down upon them as they walked in slow, solemn procession from the vicarage to the ancient country church, that his father had loyally served for thirty seven years. It had been his dying wish that he make one last journey down the leafy lane that hed loved so much, and travelled every day of those years. As a child, Adam remembered running down this lane in the springtime, laughing, trying to catch the myriad petals as they floated on the air, and again in winter, hand held snugly in his fathers, never imagining that one day he would be walking it in circumstances such as this. Thereafter, May blossom was forever tinged with sorrow for him.
Adam got through his duty as one of his fathers pallbearers knowing that Phin was beside him, sharing that duty, and his sadness. He managed the readings and delivered the eulogy without breaking down, something hed dreaded. He shook countless hands, thanked people for their respects and condolences, listening to their reminiscences, while keeping his own at bay.
In the crematorium, he watched the dark green velvet curtains begin to draw silently around the coffin of a man that many had loved, whom hed loved, but who had shut him out of his life for twelve years, because he didnt know how to accept that his son was gay, didnt know how to square it with the tenets of his faith. Then, out of the blue, reconciliation had been sought, forgiveness asked, and long painful months had followed, with them trying to rebuild a relationship and come to terms with each other as different people, to accept each other, flaws and all.
Those months had been hard, not just for Adam, but for Phineas who had to put up with the outpourings, the agonising, and the shedding of bitterness, which he did, though he was always endearingly willing to point out when soul searching and peace seeking, had crossed the line into self pity or unfair assessment.
Just as Adam and his father were reaching a stage of ease with each other, at times almost bordering the happy relationship of childhood, his father had been diagnosed with cancer and six short weeks later he was gone.
The curtains drew finally shut and for a single second Adam felt like the whole world had stopped turning. A sharp thorn of truth pierced him to the bone, he would never see his father again, all that had been left unsaid, would remain unsaid. A sound issued from his throat and his grief made itself public, tears that he would have preferred to keep private spilled down his face. Phin was there, lending him support and comfort as he had throughout the whole crisis. "You had your moment Adam," he spoke quietly, "hold onto that, you reached a point of understanding and the only thing that needed to be known, was known, he loved you, you loved him."
Afterwards, reviewing the floral tributes that had been spread on trestles outside the crematorium, Adam glanced at Phin, and caught a look on his face that tinged his grief for his father with guilt, guilt for indulging his emotions, and something else, fear, which he quelled ruthlessly. It was time to start taking those other days into account, and dealing with whatever possibilities they contained. "Its okay Phin," his voice was reassuringly confident, "its going to be okay."
Phin smiled softly, "as long as youre with me."
Adam lovingly squeezed his hand, "all the way."
A week earlier:
"Honestly," Adam shook his head, "how these irresponsible idiots get deemed fit to drive in the first place is beyond me." He jabbed an irritable finger at the TV screen, "I mean look at this fool bike rider, hes been clocked at over one hundred and forty miles an hour, and thats..." his voice trailed away, setting his slice of pizza back onto his plate, he leaned closer towards the television set, mouth slightly agape.
Phineas gently closed his eyes, silently beseeching Jesus to intercede for him with God, and have the TV transmitter that had been struck by lightening, thus rendering only one station operable, struck again, in order to put an end to the sensationalist documentary that had Adam, who usually loathed such programmes, riveted to the screen. It didnt happen, obviously his Church attendance record had been taken into account, and found to be lacking the requisite points to make prayer granting possible, nor did the chair he was sitting on oblige him by swallowing him whole.
Adam, his face set in lines that the Chinese might call inscrutable, switched the set off and slowly turned to gaze at Phin, who snatched up the pizza box, thrusting it under Adams nose, gabbling, "you have the last slice this time, I had it last time, I know that ham and mushroom is your favourite, go on, you have it, how about another beer, or some ice cream, with chocolate sprinkles, Ill get it?" He made to rise...
"Sit!" Barked Adam.
Phin sat, testing out an ingratiating smile on Adam as he did so, but it was a bit like offering a starving polar bear a stale sardine, in the hope that it would choose to make a sandwich of it, instead of ripping your throat out for fresh meat.
"Tell me Phineas," the voice was smooth, dangerously so, "have I just experienced some kind of hallucination, or was that really you taking a starring role in that ghastly programme?"
Gulping back a desire to indulge in a fit of hysteria and start screaming, Phin hazarded, "I must admit, he did look rather like me, but Im not as tall, not in real life anyway, he looked much taller than me, dont you think, and his hair was longer than mine?"
"He had the same bike, with the same licence plate. He spoke with your voice. He had your features, but I know it cant have been you, because," Adam gave a cut glass smile that made Phins blood run colder than the Czech beer he was drinking, "I know you would never behave in that socially unacceptable, downright idiotic, life endangering way. And I know that even if you had, you would never withhold it from me, nor fail to tell me about the six hundred pound fine such behaviour incurred, not to mention the points on your licence," the smile disappeared, "WOULD you Phineas?"
Phin pulled his gaze away from the eyes that were burning holes in his, mumbling, "I was going to tell you Adam, at the right moment."
"When," Adam uncrossed his long legs and got up from the floor, "when were you going to tell me Phin, on your deathbed, as a last confession, was that the right moment you were thinking of?"
Phin suddenly figured that the weekend could only get better, that nothing worse could happen. After all, what was possibly worse than having your past sins aired on prime time TV on a Saturday night in front of, not only the nation, but the partner youd kind of not confessed the sin to in the first place. In fact, Phin admitted the truth, in all honesty, the partner hed gone to considerable lengths to conceal it from. At the time hed had been so high on adrenalin, having pushed his new, state of the art bike, to a record breaking, as well as law breaking, one hundred and seventy miles an hour, that he hadnt noticed that the traffic cop who had finally halted his joyride, had a docu film crew in tow.
The policeman had politely asked if he was aware that hed hit speeds in excess of one hundred and forty, on a busy motorway where the limit was seventy? Phin, grinning _c_o_c_k_ily at the camera, had informed him that in fact hed peaked at one seventy. He had to admit, seeing it played back on film, that he didnt look much like the hero hed felt at the time, more like a thoughtless, arrogant, life endangering tosser actually. He flushed, "Im sorry Adam, really, I am, but it happened over six months ago, and I didnt see any reason to bother you with it."
"I bet you didnt," Adams brows registered deep disapproval, coming together in a dark frown, "for your information, when it happened is immaterial, the fact that it happened at all is the only cogent point here."
Phins weekend suddenly took a further downturn.
"Bring me your bike keys!"
Being smart mouthed with Adam was a mistake at the best of times, being smart mouthed with Adam when he was already in deep trouble was just plain stupid. So why on earth did Phin say, "Ive had a few beers Ad, Im in no condition to take us out for a nice bike ride, theres laws about drink driving you know."
His weekend hit the earths surface like a meteorite, burrowing itself several miles deep and dragging his heart with it, as Adam countered. "Forget the keys, for the time being, bring me your paddle."
"It was six months ago, six months!" Phin looked in tearful appeal at his partner, who shook his head.
"For you it might have happened six months ago. For me, it happened less than five minutes ago, and anyway, do you really imagine that an act of wrongdoing being six months in the past, makes it any the less wrong, or any the less punishable?"
"But I was punished, I was fined, I had my licence endorsed."
"In my opinion, your licence should have been revoked altogether after that disgusting display. Youre not fit to be allowed the privilege of driving. Im ashamed of you."
Stung by Adams words, Phin allowed his smart mouth to exercise itself again. "Well, we all know that you make Judge Dredd look like a bleeding heart liberal, and that youd bring back hanging for litter offences if you could."
Ignoring the remarks, Adam said coldly, "the law might have seen fit to deal with you too leniently, but dont expect the same from me. How dare you withhold something of this magnitude, were partners, were not supposed to have secrets."
Phin tried, he really tried to keep the whine out of his voice, but it crept in anyway. "But youd have punished me if Id told you."
"Tell me Phin, do you think you deserved to be punished?"
"Then, maybe, but not now, not six months later, its not fair Adam."
"Do you think its fair that you broke your promise that youd confine your fetish for speed to the track, where its permissible? Do you think its fair that Ive discovered this in the way I have? Most of the people in my department watch this programme, I can guarantee whos going to be the subject of gossip and sniggers come Monday." He suddenly ran his hands through his hair, "Christ! I hate that you go and do that kind of thing on a track designed for it, but to drive like that on a public highway is just beyond the pale, and what the HELL were you thinking Phineas, giving permission for them to film you full facial view?"
Phin shrugged, folded his arms and stared hard at the floor.
"I bet you were so stuffed full of adrenalin after that chase, so proud of yourself in fact, Phin the speed king, that you didnt even think about withholding your permission!"
It was too near the truth for comfort, Phin rubbed a hand across his mouth, but couldnt bring himself to say anything, or even to look at Adam.
Then Adam said the words that Phin hated more than anything. "Im so dreadfully disappointed in you, youve let me down. You know how I felt about you getting that machine in the first place. I needed to believe your promise that youd act responsibly when riding it." There was a brief pause, then, "go and get ready, Ill be waiting."
Phineas went silently upstairs, changing into his pyjamas, pulling open the drawer of his bedside cabinet, his stomach turning as he viewed the hated object within. Gingerly picking it up, he slowly, very slowly, made his way across the landing to the guest room where Adam was waiting, sitting on the bed. Handing the paddle over, he climbed on the bed, arranging himself over Adams lap, so that his top and lower halves were supported. With them both being tall, in fact Phin was tallest by an inch, this was the most comfortable position, if such a word could be used in conjunction with the act that followed.
He grabbed a pillow as an arm came around his waist and a draught came round his bottom as his pyjamas were pulled down.
"Why are you being punished Phineas?"
"For breaking the law?"
"The law exacted penalty from you in that regard, albeit too leniently." Adam raised the oblong paddle, "however, I cant honestly say Im too pleased about it, or the fact that you concealed it from me."
Oh God in heaven, or wherever he resided in these secular times! Phin clutched the pillow, holding his breath for an agonised second as the paddle smacked down for the first time, he let it out slowly as it was lifted from his bottom, then sucked it straight back in as wood struck his buttocks again. Adam was getting straight to business, no messing.
"Why Phin?"
Phin was horribly conscious of the paddle resting on his stinging cheeks. "I endangered my life and the life of others for the sake of a speed fix!"
"Yes, and weve had discussions on that topic before, I thought Id made my opinion on it clear, obviously further clarity is needed. The fact that you showed a lack of regard and respect for your own safety is bad enough, I wont tolerate it, and I certainly wont tolerate you showing the same lack of respect and regard for the safety of others."
Phins legs stiffened, then drummed frantically against the bed as the paddle burned across his bottom ten times in rapid succession, with him yelling all the way.
Adam rested the paddle on the bed, slipping a hand under Phins pyjama top to rub between the tense shoulder blades, giving him a few moments to calm down and get his breath under control.
Any hopes Phin had that it was over were dashed when Adam asked quietly. "What else Phineas, what else?"
"I broke the rule about not keeping secrets from each other, I broke my word to behave responsibly with the bike, which is the same as lying, and lying isnt permitted because it undermines trust and trust is a vital component of our relationship, and I didnt mean to, I didnt!" Phin began to cry. It didnt deter Adam from proceeding with the mother and father of all spankings.
Laying the paddle aside, Adam raised a weeping Phineas from his lap and led him back across the landing to their bedroom, lying down on the bed with him, gathering him into his arms.
Finally managing to quell his tears, Phin mumbled unhappily, "I was a total prick, and I let you down badly. I deserved a good hiding."
"You let yourself down badly too. Have you any idea how I felt when I realised that the moron on the screen, whose shoulder and knee were just about brushing the tarmac as he turned a corner, was you. What were you thinking of Phin?"
"I wasnt." Phin sighed miserably, "isnt that always my trouble? I was so hyper about picking up the bike that day, the moment I put the key in the ignition, common sense went out the window. I just wanted to see what it could do, what I could do. I knew it was stupid, wrong, but I let my excitement get the better of me. Then, when I heard the police siren, something just flipped, it was like a game, I thought I could loose him easily." Phin swallowed, " I would have too, if I hadnt had to drop my speed because of an accident that had caused a build up of traffic. I suddenly realised what a pillock I was being and it was game over."
Adam hugged him tightly, burying his face in the dark hair, "Ive lost too many of the people I love, my mother and brother, and now my dads dying. I dont want to lose you because of this bloody obsession you have with speed, it isnt a game to be taken lightly Phin, not on the track, and certainly not on the open road."
"Sorry, and sorry for not telling you about it after it happened, I just, well, first of all, I didnt want a paddling," he glanced up at Adam with a sheepish little smile, "that bit didnt quite pan out, and second I..." he stopped himself.
Adam ran his fingers through the dark hair, "you didnt want to burden me when I was so preoccupied with the situation with my father. Im sorry you felt like that, I obviously wasnt giving you the attention you required, though that doesnt excuse anything. Whatever my apparent state of distraction, you tell me what I need to know and Ill make sure it gets listened too, burdens are to be shared."
"Theres some of your attention that I could permanently do without," Phin ruefully rubbed his sore bottom, "that really hurt Ad."
"A sore backside is nothing compared to the pain of crashing at a hundred and seventy miles an hour, you werent even wearing full leathers, theyd have had to hose what was left of you from the road surface."
"Thats gross!" Phin grimaced as an unpleasant mental image flashed across his minds eye. Snuggling into Adams arms, he thought the worst was definitely over in the bad weekend stakes. His conscience was cleared, he felt a lot squarer with himself.
"Your bike is totally off limits until I say otherwise."
Phin stiffened slightly, this wasnt good. Taking a deep breath, he said cautiously, "Ill have to have it back by next weekend though, Ive got trials."
"Not anymore you havent."
Phins heart began to beat a rapid tattoo of dismay. "But Ill be letting my team mates down, what am I going to tell them?"
"Im sure youll think of something, either that or you could use that programme as evidence of how fast you and your bike can travel."
"Adam, please, just let me do the trials, you can..."
"No, its off limits Phin, and thats that."
"Adaaam."
"Dont start whining Phin, youve only got yourself to blame."
"No, youre to blame, youre so ruddy pedantic " he tried to pull away from Adam, but was held.
"I didnt break the law Phin, or your trust, I didnt endanger myself or conceal anything from you."
"Youve just given me a god-awful spanking, surely thats punishment enough?"
"Ill decide whats punishment enough Phin. Ill tell you something else too, when I give you back the privilege of riding that bike, itll be on the understanding that if you ever misuse it again, in any way whatsoever, the ban will be permanent, and by that I mean youll sell it."
"Bastard," Phin burst into fresh tears as the enormity of the threat registered. "You are such a bastard, youve just been looking for a reason to make me get rid of my bike!"
"Ive never disguised the fact that I dislike motorbikes, I love you, I worry about you, I dont think thats a crime. All you have to do is behave responsibly and your bike is safe. However, if you ever do anything even remotely like I witnessed on that television again, your involvement with bikes is over for good."
"Just go away and leave me alone," Phin rolled onto his side, presenting his back to Adam, who gently kissed his shoulder and wished him goodnight.
Sunday started out a little better, the weekend looked set to make a recovery. Some of the rawness Phin felt at having to miss the trials had dissipated, the optimistic adventurer within him convinced that maybe, just maybe, Adam might change his mind. So what if experience told him this was a vain hope, there was always a first time. He gave a small sigh of pleasure as gentle lips kissed him awake, yes, the weekend could only get better. Then it faltered, as the preliminary stages of love making led to a discovery that neither of them was prepared for.
Adam knew every inch of his lovers body, every contour, and the lump beneath Phins left nipple was not a familiar part of that much loved territory. Adams tongue suspected it first, then his finger. He sat up, all desire for _s_e_x_ gone.
"Youre making a fuss about nothing." Phin gazed down at the area of concern.
"I hope so, all the same Id like you to make a doctors appointment first thing tomorrow morning."
"Oh come on Ad," Phin got abruptly out of bed, "so Ive got a slight swelling under my nipple, you probably nibbled it too hard or something." He grinned, "its not as if Im likely to have breast cancer is it, seeing as I havent got breasts, well," he squeezed his chest and simpered, "none that would get me a slot on page three of The Sun."
"Youll arrange to have it checked Phin."
"Listen to me Adam," Phin shed his pyjamas, giving his bottom an inspection in the dressing table mirror, it was still tender and a little bit reddened, but nothing cataclysmic, he pulled on his briefs. "Im not having some strange bloke handling my nips, its embarrassing!"
"Hes a doctor, hes handled worse than nipples."
"Exactly," Phin dragged a t-shirt on, "theres no telling where hes had his hands and hes not clamping them to my chest!"
"Its probably nothing, but I want to know that its nothing, youre going."
"Men dont get breast cancer Adam. Ill just feel stupid if I go to the doctors about it."
Adam shook his head, "I dont understand your logic, going to consult a doctor makes you feel stupid, while riding a motorbike at breakneck speed makes you feel what...intellectual?"
"Im not going Adam. I dont want to."
"Just bear in mind the time you refused to see the doctor for what you termed a strained wrist, that turned out to be fractured."
"As theres no chance on earth that my nipple could be fractured, Im not exposing it to the chilly mitts of the medical profession!"
"You have no choice," Adam got out of bed, "Im ruling in this matter and youll obey."
Sunday was lost in a stand off that resulted in lawns being mowed in a very uncompaniable silence, and lunch being burned beyond recognition, as two distracted people, one caring about the other, the other resisting being cared about, failed to pay due care and attention to the chicken smouldering in the oven.
The subsequent pub lunch was tense.
"I think youve had enough now." Adam stared in cold disapproval as Phin returned from a supposed visit to the loo, obviously via the bar, setting his third pint down on the table."
Phins hackles rose, hed had enough of being dictated to for one day. "You know what your trouble is dont you Adam?"
"Do tell."
"You think too much and know so little. I know when I need to see a doctor, and I know when Ive had enough, I vomit and fall over. Am I vomiting, am I horizontal?"
Adams eyes narrowed, "if you dont watch your attitude, youll be horizontal in a way you wont like in a minute."
"So," Phin took a gulp of his lager, "I have to watch my speed, watch my attitude and let someone else watch my tits!"
"Pork and lamb." The waitress made a timely appearance.
"Im lamb," Phin smiled at her sweetly, "the PIGS over there."
"When we get home," Adam sprinkled salt on his food, "youre going to bed for the rest of the day."
"Suits me love," Phin reached for his pint, "drinking on an afternoon always makes me sleepy." His hand closed around air as Adam got to his drink before him, emptying it into a nearby pot plant. "You do realise that youve just vandalised an artificial plant dont you Adam?"
"Shut up Phin."
"Is that an order."
"Yes."
"Good, I dont want to talk to you anyway, and I want my bike back."
"When we get home..."
"I know, youre going to send me to bed, youve already said. Repetition is a sign of mental deterioration, perhaps you ought to see a doctor."
Adam stabbed a roast potato with his fork, "Let me repeat again, when we get home, youre going to bed, but not straight away, not until youve written out, I will not question decisions made in my best interests, nor will I be resentful of punishments I deserve."
"That shouldnt take long." Phin flicked at his peas with his fork, "give me a beer mat, Ill do it now, save time."
"Two hundred times."
Phins attitude subsided along with his appetite, he loathed line writing. "Sorry."
"Saying sorry just to escape punishment isnt really being sorry is it Phin?"
"It has a kind of beautiful logic all of its own though, dont you think?"
Adam closed his eyes for a second, "yes Phin, I suppose it does, but not one that works with me, eat your lunch."
They ate in silence.
"Everything okay?" The waitress smiled brightly as she gathered their plates.
"Lovely, thank you," chorused Adam and Phin in true English fashion, even though Adams pork had turned out to be turkey and the lamb to be beef, and both to be tough.
"Men cant get breast cancer can they?" As soon as the front door closed behind them, Phin reached his arms around Adams neck for a hug.
Adam reached his arms about Phins waist, "it does happen apparently, men have breast tissue that can develop cancers in the same way as for women. I read an article about it in the dentists waiting room last week."
"Do you think Ive got it?" Phins voice wavered.
"No," Adam stroked his fingers through Phins fringe, "but you do need to know whats causing the lump darling. Most lumps have nothing to do with cancer, but they need investigating. Its probably a cyst of some kind."
"Ill make the appointment first thing in the morning."
"Thank you," Adam kissed him.
"Are you still going to put me under paper and ink torture?"
"Yes of course, youre not giving me sulky attitude and strife and getting away with it."
Phin scowled, "God, youre heartless! How about if I emotionally blackmail you by saying Ill only go to the doctors if you let me off line writing?"
"Ill increase the lines to a thousand, ground you for the rest of your natural life, and youll still go the doctors."
"I wont bother then."
"Wise choice," Adam grinned, reaching for the phone as it rang shrilly.
The weekend suddenly crashed and fell into oblivion.
Phin watched the colour drain from Adams face, grabbing his arm he steadied him, lowering him to sit on the bottom stair, kneeling down beside him.
"Thank you, Ill be there as soon as I can, goodbye." Adam sat numbly, the now silent phone still clasped in his hand.
Phin took it and set it back in the cradle. "Your dad," he asked gently, "has he taken a turn for the worse?"
"Dead," whispered Adam, "hes dead, they say he died in his sleep a short while ago, one of the nurses discovered him when she took his lunch in."
Kneeling between Adams knees, Phin gathered him into his arms and rocked him as he sobbed. "I wasnt there Phin, I wasnt there for my dad in his last moments, he died all alone in a hospital room."
"Not your fault love, its not your fault," Phin stroked the sandy hair, "you cant foretell these things. You were with him all day Saturday, you have nothing to reproach yourself for, and you phoned the hospital this morning, they told you he was fine. He was expected to live awhile longer than this."
"No one should die alone Phin, its not right. I really wanted to be there for him."
"I know," Phin helped him up, steered him towards the sitting room, "and your father knew that too." Sitting on the couch he pulled Adam down onto his lap, and held him.
Two weeks after the funeral.
Cancer! The word dropped at his feet like a brick. Phin felt the world slip away from him. Cancer! The word reverberated around the room, pounding inside his brain, he had breast cancer. Of all the other words spoken by the consultant, only one more penetrated the wall of shock in his mind, rare, which made the first seem even more terrifying. The funeral of Adams father crept back to his mind, the sickly smell of death flowers, the taut emotions. The hard press of an oak coffin on his shoulders as he shared the burdens and rituals of death with the man he adored above all other. Who would help Adam bear him shoulder high, who would help him grieve, comfort him? The thoughts whirled crazily around in his head.
Cancer! The word dropped at Adams feet like a brick. He watched the colour drain from Phins face, watched him slip into a dimension of shock, watched stark fear shadow his eyes. Adams strength asserted itself ahead of his grief, his heart thudding dismay. He began to ask questions, gather information, feeling the burden of terror lighten as he listened to the consultants answers.
The walk back to the hospital car park was silent, though at some level, Phin registered the feel of a hand curled around his. Once home, he fell into Adams arms, breaking into tears. "Im going to die!" He was hardly conscious of being steered into the sitting room. Curled on Adams lap, he sobbed, neither of them spoke for a long while, words could wait, all that was required was the giving of comfort and reassurance.
Then, once the tears had abated, Adam spoke. "Lets get one thing straight Phineas, you are not going to die," he tenderly stroked the tear washed face.
"Ive got cancer, didnt you hear the consultant," Phin, still shaking with reaction, wiped his sleeve across his nose, "a rare form."
"Yes, but rare for reasons other than youre thinking. The form of cancer you have is rare in men, because its of a type thats almost always curable, particularly when caught at an early stage, like yours."
"Really," a light of hope sprang to the frightened brown eyes. "I was in shock, I dont think I really heard much after the word cancer, tell me?"
Adam smiled, "the prognosis is excellent. The only treatment youre likely to need is surgery, but that will be confirmed once theyve removed the tumour and some lymph nodes from under your arm, to make sure its as contained as they think it is. "
"What if it isnt though Adam, what if it isnt?"
"Well cross that bridge when we come to it," Adam kissed him gently, "and well cross it together.
The multitude of flowers were beautiful, really beautiful, their heavy perfume hanging on the air like the promise of long summer evenings in the garden.
"You must have bought the entire florists!" Phin grinned as he stared around the flower bedecked sitting room.
"I wanted everything to be nice for you when you came home from hospital." Adam insistently steered Phin towards the couch, "and to show how much Ive missed you."
"I was only in three days."
"Felt like years to me, I hate sleeping alone, sit down."
"Adam, I..."
"Sit, you need to take it gently, youve had an operation."
Phin sat, it was no use arguing when Adam was set on something, and anyway, it was nice to be bossed about again, it made him feel he was really home, and safe. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, he was a bit tired actually. To his dismay tears crept down his cheeks.
Adam was immediately beside him, "stressful times weve had lately," he wiped the tears away, "but thank God weve weathered them, and youre okay, everything is clear."
"Phin opened his eyes and smiled through his tears, reaching for Adams hand he held it tight, "Thank you, thank you for being there, for lending me strength, for helping me bear it. I love you."
"Ditto to all that." Adam leaned across to kiss him.
End.