A Thomas and Andy story.
Third in the Moving On Sequence. No parts of this story to be used or reproduced without permission of the author.
Warnings: discipline fiction, contains spanking, fat content negligible, low in cholesterol and calories, suitable for those on a gluten and sodium free diet;-)
This story takes up more or less from where Moving On part two ended. Andy has laid the past to rest, but now there are other issues to deal with, maybe not as pressing, but still there are consequences to be faced for his actions, and he has to decide whether he wants to accept those consequences or consider moving on, alone.
"Did you make that appointment with the doctor as I asked you to?"
"Theres nothing wrong," I croaked, feeling my face turn blue as I tried to stop the cough from erupting, I was annoyed really, blue had never been my colour.
"Let it out Andrew, before you choke." Thomas glanced briefly away from the road he was driving along, "you know what they say; love and a cough cant be hid, and that shade of blue does not become you."
I gave in, proving the wisdom of Thomas proverb and complying with the coughs demand for release. "Its just a dry tickle Thomas, I need a drink." Paroxysm over, I wiped the water from my eyes and tried to keep the hoarseness out of my voice, "besides, with one thing and another Ive hardly had time have I?" If I was expecting sympathy, which I was actually, I was sadly disappointed.
"I told you to do it this morning before we set off for Yorkshire. The surgery will be closed now, so youll make an appointment first thing in the morning, and if you dont Ill make it for you. Im not having you go down with pleurisy again, or worse, pneumonia. Youve been living what amounts to rough for the past month, not eating, not sleeping and drinking far too much, youre ripe for a serious illness. Hot bath and bed for you the moment we get home."
I glanced at him, his face, outwardly at least, was as calm as ever, but something about his manner had changed since we had started the journey home from bluebell woods. It was as if hed slipped into another skin, an all together chillier one. Wed reached the car, hed opened the door for me, then hed pulled me into a close embrace, kissing me deeply. I was just about to suggest that we go back into the woods and do something indecent in celebration of Spring, when he swatted me, saying briskly, get in the car young man, were going home, youve laid the past to rest, its now time for us to put our lives back in order. There was a slightly ominous ring to his words, in fact not so much a ring as a definite loud clanging.
I sighed, heavily, very heavily, my plans for a kiss, cuddle and something frisky in front of the telly looked unlikely to come to fruition. I felt another cough building up and tried to swallow it, but it was uncooperative, more than uncooperative, after refusing point blank to be swallowed, it spent the next five miles of the journey spitefully reverberating around the cars interior. Eyes watering copiously, I slouched in my seat and mentally revised my desires for action in front of the telly, the kiss was fine, as long as I didnt start coughing, I could definitely manage the cuddle, but I was too knackered for the something frisky!
However, by the time Thomas had pulled up on the drive, Id thankfully recovered a little. It was good to be home.
Bob rushed to greet us as soon as we got indoors, well perhaps rushed is an exaggeration, he staggered stiffly to his feet and lurched out from underneath the hall table where hed been snoozing the afternoon away. I bent to scratch his ear affectionately. In a wild attempt to recapture his lost youth. he flopped playfully on top of my trainers, swiping an arthritic paw at the hem of my jeans. I indulged him in his favourite sport of fencing, finger to paw.
"Never mind playing with Bob, up you go at once Andrew, the water is hot enough for a bath. The steam will help ease your chest."
"In a minute," I continued to parry with Bob, I was gaining the upper hand I couldnt give up now. I also had every intention of gaining the upper hand where Thomas was concerned, by evading the hot bath and bed that he seemed hell bent on, I wouldnt have minded so much if the bed part had a more active connotation, which included both of us. I flinched as a claw suddenly carved a mark on the back of my hand, I conceded the point, "touché Monsieur moggy." Bob relaxed, confident of victory, and I took advantage, carving a z in his orange flank with lightening speed. He purred happily, gallant in defeat. In gentlemanly fashion, I helped him get back on all fours and stroked his soft fur, then yelped, startled, and in turn startling Bob, as Thomas carved his own particular mark onto my flank.
"Now Andrew, when I tell you, not when you decide its convenient."
Straightening up, I glared at him crossly, "Im fine, I dont...ouch!" I jutted my hips forward as his hand struck my rear for a second time.
"It seems that in your case actions speak louder than words."
They say a word is enough for a wise man, but wisdom had never been one of my strengths. I opened my mouth to protest again, but the only sound that issued from it was another yelp as his hand contacted the same spot on my backside yet again. _d_a_m_n_, Id lost sight of how persistent he could be.
"Dont even think about arguing with me Andrew, am I going to have to apply more action to your rear end or are you actually going to do as youre told?" His voice was deceptively mild, it should have warned me, but a month of living alone had tragically blurred the edges of my perception.
"For Gods sake Thomas," I rubbed resentfully at the smarting spot on my left buttock, "its only a little cough, I dont know why youre fussing about it and I dont see why I have to be despatched off to bed like some little kid."
He slipped his jacket off, hung it up neatly, then began rolling up his sweater sleeves in a purposeful way while quietly counting, "one, two..."
Bob glanced up at us, then wisely headed for the kitchen, he didnt like it when his favourite human on earth started counting, it usually meant trouble for his second favourite human...me.
"Okay, okay, Im going, keep your hair on," some instinct kicked in and I sulkily headed for the stairs, thumping up them two at a time to prove how fit I was, an action regretted as I reached the top stair and a burning shaft of pain in my chest caused me to double over and cough so hard I thought I was going to be sick.
Thomas was immediately beside me. Gentle hands helped me into the bedroom and rubbed my back soothingly until the spasm passed, the same hands helped me undress and get into pyjamas.
"Better?" Thomas stroked my hair back from my forehead as I sat on the edge of the bed.
I nodded and managed a small smile, though my throat and chest felt unpleasantly raw from my hacking.
"Good."
Thomas leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose, it tickled, like the touch of a butterfly. In sharp, very sharp contrast, a crowd of wasps suddenly decided to hold a protest march on my bare bottom, at least thats what it felt like. It still had the power to surprise me, the speed at which, for a comfortable looking man, Thomas could move. I was smoothly turned over his knee with my pyjama bottoms pulled down even before the touch of the kiss on my nose had faded away. His hand smacked a stinging lecture onto my backside.
"You appear to have completely lost sight of the fact that when I tell you to do something, particularly on matters pertaining to your health and well being, physical or mental, you do it immediately, without gestures and without back talk. Is your vision clearing with regard to that mutually agreed and very basic tenet of our relationship?"
"I hate you Thomas, I...oww, oww!"
"I said is it clearing young man, answer me at once!"
He punctuated the last word with a tremendous spank that left my buttocks vibrating with the after shock. I squawked as his hand continued to smack my rapidly heating bottom, and smack it hard. "Yes, its clearing Thomas, its clearing!" I yelped, beginning to feel alarmed. They say the first blow is half the battle, from the feel of it, Thomas was after winning not only a battle, but a complete war!
"Lets help clear it a little more," Thomas suddenly stopped spanking and leaned over me, reaching to pull open the drawer on his bedside cabinet. "After all, is it not true that, whatevers worth doing at all is worth doing well."
"Youve already done it well enough with your hand!" I struggled, trying to push myself up off his lap, but he had me gripped firmly around the waist. "Thomas, please!" I began to panic, the paddling Id got at the caravan was still etched fresh in my mind and the hand spanking Id just received had reawakened its presence, leaving my bottom more than sore enough already, "not the paddle, I dont deserve to be paddled, not just for saying I dont want to go to bed. I dont want to be on my own. Ive been on my own for a month, dont you even care about how lonely Ive been?"
I wished Id phrased it differently, he hit the roof, well metaphorically speaking at least, alas the paddle spanking my behind was anything but metaphorical.
"HOW DARE YOU!"
That was it, I burst into tears, Thomas rarely shouted, but here he was yelling, really yelling at me, somehow it was worse than being spanked. My tears did nothing to distract him from what he intended to say and do, though at least he said it at a normal, if stern volume.
"How dare you say that to me Andrew, did you care when you upped and left like a thief in the night? Did you care about how lonely, how worried, how upset I was? A month you were gone, a month without a single word to let me know where you were! You could have written, faxed, emailed, telephoned, this is the age of communication for heavens sake! Just a word or two on a postcard would have sufficed, just to let me know that you were at least alive, but did you? NO! You were too busy wallowing in misplaced guilt and alcohol." He smacked the paddle down firmly.
My bottom felt as if it was generating enough heat to smelt steel. I clutched at the duvet, kicking and crying as hard as my strained throat would allow. I began another bout of coughing, and he immediately stopped, making me do the last thing on earth I wanted to do, sit up until the spasm passed.
"I didnt deserve that Thomas," as soon as the cough retreated, I pulled away from him, and lay down on my stomach, keeping my head turned away from him, truly shocked that hed paddled me for what amounted to nothing. "You paddled me at the caravan, you shouldnt have paddled me again, not as hard as that."
"Ill decide what you deserve young man, and incidentally, the paddling at the caravan was for your behaviour at the caravan. The paddling Ive just given you was for disobedience, and for discounting the most basic principals our relationship has been built on. Hopefully, it should serve to refresh your obviously jaded memory with regard to that." He walked briskly out of the bedroom, returning a minute or so later with a cool flannel to wipe my face with. "Ive started running a warm bath for you."
I stared at him from tear swollen eyes, there was a definite sharp hint of frost in his manner, and I didnt like it. I spoke challengingly. "I dont know why you bothered finding me at all, you hardly seem enamoured of my company?"
He met my gaze without flinching, the frost in his voice turning to pure ice. "You expected me to seek you out Andrew, the proverbial Knight on a white charger riding to the rescue at the eleventh hour, no questions asked, no payment expected. Im disappointed in you Andrew, you should know me better than that. All else aside, I needed to find you, I needed to know that you were safe." The ice cracked slightly, "and Im not made of stone, I have feelings, vulnerabilities. I also needed to know why you left me so cruelly, Im older than you, I wondered whether youd met someone younger and hadnt had the courage to tell me. "
Deep shame, and guilt swept over me as I realised what a selfish, inconsiderate bastard Id been. Guilts a funny thing, it can be misdirected in many ways, blaming yourself for things that are not your fault, as I had done with Issy, and blaming others, when the fault is yours, as I was now doing with Thomas. I should have apologised to him, tried to explain the confused emotions and warped logic that had driven my actions. I didnt, I let sulky resentment take charge of me, and got up, making my way slowly to the bathroom,
"Do you need any help?"
"Im neither infant nor geriatric!" I snarled, "I dont need your _f_u_c_k_ing help to take a bath," and made to shut the door in his face.
He stopped it with his foot, giving me a silent look that seemed to go on forever, before saying, "Im beginning to wonder what you do need me for Andrew, or if in fact you need me at all. Perhaps while youre in there, you should give it some thought." He turned and went downstairs.
I eased myself into pine scented water, hissing slightly as my sore bottom made contact with something that was marginally cooler than it was. I lay back, sinking into the warmth, resting my head against the back of the bath. The heat and scented steam should have relaxed me, but they didnt, for one thing my poor backside was prickling and itching in a most un-relaxing way, and even worse than that, was the uncomfortable prickling going on in my mind.
Maybe it was true, maybe I didnt need Thomas after all. I could certainly live without the spankings he gave me, maybe now that Id finally dealt with the past, it was time to deal with the future and maybe that future didnt include Thomas laying down the law and bossing me about? I sighed and regretted it, my ribs ached, and a faint rattle from the vicinity of my chest indicated that my bronchial tubes were tuning up in preparation for an orchestral performance. I hadnt felt this bad for a long time. In a futile effort to shut in the tears that were welling up I tightly closed my eyes, they refused to be confined, tricking down my cheeks to merge with the bath water.
It was a bad one, yes, definitely a bad one, I forced myself to swim through the waves of cloying darkness, to open my eyes despite the pain that I knew would occur as soon as the light made contact with my retinas. I felt disoriented, sensing even before sight confirmed it, that I was in unfamiliar territory with no recollection of how Id got there.
"Hello," the man sitting by the side of the bed, removed his half moon glasses, giving me a small smile as I forced up the lead weights that had replaced my eyelids.
I stared at him in confusion, he looked vaguely familiar, yet I was convinced Id never met him before in my life. "Where am I, and who are you?" At least thats what I tried to say, but my vocal chords refused to fully co-operate, and all that came out of my mouth was a series of hoarse grunts that left me exhausted with the effort. He must have had a knack for strange languages, because he seemed to understand.
"He laid aside both glasses and book, "dont you remember, I gave you a lift two nights ago.
A little glimmer of memory returned, the pouring rain, the car, gratitude for a brief respite from the weather, then a blank. I struggled to sit up and immediately began coughing painfully, I felt as if someone was attempting to pull out my lungs with a corkscrew.
"Lie back against the pillows young man, dont over exert yourself."
I ignored him, pushing back the duvet and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. A strange rattling sound reverberated around the room, and to my dismay I realised it was coming from my chest as my lungs struggled to function, "hey," I gasped as he firmly scooped my legs back into bed. For a comfortable looking man he had a surprising turn of speed, it was a bit like a tortoise suddenly turning into a thoroughbred race horse.
"I told you to stay put," he gently pushed me back against the pillows and covered me over, "please be good enough to heed me."
Only the fact that I was still struggling to breathe prevented me telling him to get stuffed, or words to that affect.
"Facts are stubborn things young man, and the facts are these: you are going nowhere, you are ill, the doctor says you need rest, antibiotics, good food, more rest, warmth and more rest, and rest is what youll jolly well have. It seems obvious that you have nowhere specific to go, according to the doctor it appears youve been living rough for a while, theres nothing spoiling so stay in that bed."
"Look mister..."
"My name is Thomas, Thomas Hall."
"Look Thomas Hall," I paused to gather breath, rasping, "while I appreciate your kindness, I think I can decide for myself when..."
"Young man..."
"Andrew."
"Andrew," he smiled gently, "I dont think youre in any condition to make decisions, now Im warning you, stay in that bed, or youll risk my deep displeasure."
I was thoroughly taken aback, more than that I was flabbergasted. I sank back against the pillows unsure of how to react. I searched his face for signs of humour, but there was nothing to suggest he was joking.
An unexpected, but welcome distraction came in the form of a large marmalade cat which jumped up onto the bed, misjudged the edge, plunged back to the floor and reappeared seconds later, unperturbed. I smiled despite myself, the creature looked comically inquisitive as it thoroughly looked me over from its deep orange eyes. "Hello," I croaked, weakly lifting a hand towards it. The cats ears twitched and drew back a little at the sound of my rough voice, it glanced at its owner as if to say, what manner of creature is this?
Thomas smiled a little, "Bobs been waiting for you to wake up, hes a sociable boy."
Bob...the name suited him somehow. He seemed to think I was safe enough and stuck his head under my hand, I stroked him gently, childishly pleased when he settled himself on the bed, tucking his paws under his chest and purring loudly.
"Do you want me to chase him, not everyone is attuned to cats?"
I shook my head, croaking, "no, hes fine really."
"Good," Thomas nodded approval, "he can keep you company while I make you some lunch...oh dont worry," he tickled the cat under the chin as it mewed at the word lunch, "I wont miss you out."
As soon as the man had left the room, I took the opportunity to get up. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed was effort enough, but nothing compared to persuading them to actually support me, they felt like wet spaghetti as I heaved myself to a standing position. It was a mistake, the room spun wildly and it was only sheer bloody mindedness, and a good grip on the headboard, that kept me upright. I swallowed hard, willing my legs to stop shaking beneath me in such a pathetic manner. I gazed around the room, wondering where hed put my clothes and the few possessions Id been travelling with, one of which I was particularly interested in.
I spied a small, old fashioned wardrobe across in one corner, it seemed a good bet that it would contain what I sought.
It wasnt a big room, not in theory, but after taking a few unsteady steps, I felt I had stepped through a C. S. Lewis wardrobe into a room that had expanded into Narnia type proportions. I was sweating and shaking so violently I thought I was going to throw up, worse, the searing pain in my chest seemed to be expanding, filling my whole body, making it a real chore to breathe. I began to panic, sinking to my knees, crouching on the floor, my lungs desperately labouring to function. Bob circled me, mewing loudly as if sensing my distress and trying to alert someone to it.
"Hasty climbers have sudden falls," a calm voice cut though the sound of my gasps and wheezes. Thomas wasnt quite Aslan, but at that moment he was more than an adequate substitute. I found myself picked up and effortlessly carried back to the bed. Laying exhausted against the pillows he plumped up behind me, I closed my eyes, I had never felt so ill in my life. Seating himself on the bed he took hold of my hand and began to circle his thumb around my inner wrist, I didnt have the strength to pull away, besides, it was oddly pleasant and soothing, distracting my thoughts from the discomfort in my chest and the deep ache between my shoulder blades. I began to calm down and some of the pain eased.
"Better?"
I found the strength to nod.
"It would appear young man," the voice was suddenly stern, "that where youre concerned, words go in at one ear and out at the other, well, youve learned the hard way the truth of the maxim, he is no mans enemy but his own. Still," he patted my hand, "its never too late to mend."
I opened my eyes and stared at my riddle talking benefactor somewhat bemusedly.
He translated, "I told you to stay in bed and you took no heed of my advice, which was given only for your benefit. You found out that your wilfulness was ill advised, and thus, that you were your own worst enemy." He smiled suddenly, and his plain face lit up, "Im afraid Im rather fond of proverbs, I collect them."
I felt suddenly overwhelmed by the whole situation, by this strangers kindness, and by my own undoubted weakness. Dangerously near to tears, which I fought to control, I rasped. "I just dont want to impose, give me a night or so to pull round, then Ill get out of your hair, as well as your spare room."
"Young man, I will tell you when, and if, youre imposing, until that time, the subject is non existent." He indicated the tray hed brought up, "Ive brought you some soup, nothing too heavy, just something to start building your strength back up."
"Not hungry, thanks," I croaked.
"Just a few spoonfuls."
I shook my head. "Id like a drink, I need one."
He reached for the glass and carafe that stood on the bedside table.
I took a small sip of the water hed poured, my hands shaking so violently that the water was in danger of spilling onto the covers. "My bag, I had a holdall when you picked me up, where is it?"
"In the wardrobe, along with all your clothes, which I took the liberty of laundering, its quite safe I assure you."
"Please, would you mind getting me it?"
He gazed at me in an uncomfortably shrewd way, "if its because you want the bottle of brandy thats in it, then no, the top hadnt been replaced properly, hence the need to launder your clothes. Besides alcohol is the last thing someone in your condition needs, especially at this time of the day, and the antibiotics youre on has a note that specifies no alcohol to be consumed during the course. Now, lets give your body something it does need, food.
"Was there any brandy left in the bottle, surely it cant all have leaked?"
"Tell me Andrew, are you an alcoholic?"
"NO!" I glared at him indignantly, feeling my face flush hot denial.
"In that case forget the brandy, as I said, the antibiotics prohibit alcohol. You need some food."
I felt as close to sulking as someone in my condition was capable of. "I told you, thanks for the offer, but no thanks, Im not hungry."
He smiled kindly, but reached for the tray hed brought up, balancing it on his knees. "You misunderstand Andrew, I wasnt asking, youre exceedingly underweight, malnourished was the word the doctor used. I know that eating probably has little appeal just now, nevertheless, you will take a few spoonfuls."
I felt myself flush at his peremptory tone, "what gives you the bloody right to..."
He interrupted my would be tirade. "You became my responsibility the moment you threw up and collapsed into unconsciousness in my car, that responsibility will remain mine until such time as you are in a fit condition to resume it for yourself. Currently, you have rather severe pleurisy, the result of a long neglected chest infection, and as such youre in no state to go anywhere, least of all to trudge damp streets. I wont have your death on my conscience, now that truly would be an imposition upon me."
Scooping soup onto the spoon he held it to my lips, I kept them firmly closed, no one was going to force feed me, least of all some bossy stranger. I glared at him stubbornly. He was, relatively speaking, a plain man, homely, except for his eyes which were housed under bushy brows, I looked more closely, Id never seen human eyes that shade of green.
"Tell me Andrew," the bossy stranger kept both the spoon and his extraordinary eyes steadily focused on my person, "as a matter of interest, have you ever been spanked?"
I felt my eyes grow as round as the proverbial saucers, I was frankly dumfounded by the sheer effrontery of the man, who did he think he was, trying to intimidate me with the implied threat of a spanking? All the same, an inexplicable nervousness swept over me, there was something about the way he spoke that made me decide I had nothing to lose by at least trying the soup. I opened my mouth and swallowed the spoons contents, it was good, and I was actually very hungry, but a few mouthfuls later Id had enough, shaking my head as he scooped up another spoonful.
He nodded, setting the bowl aside, "well done, its a start. Youll manage a little more next time I dont doubt."
Later, I was to learn a proverb that summed up Thomas perfectly: Gentle in manner, but resolute in action, in other words, the iron hand in the velvet glove.
"Its time for you antibiotic," he reached for a blister pack of tablets on the bedside table, pressing one out onto his hand and holding it out. "Do you think you can manage to insert it, or do you want me to continue to medicate you?"
I blushed almost purple as it hit home what he meant.
"Youve been completely out of it for two days," he spoke calmly, "and in no state for oral medication, you needed the antibiotics urgently, this was the best way. Im not embarrassed in the least, so theres no need for you to be. Ill telephone the surgery this afternoon and see if I can get the prescription changed to an oral one now youre marginally back in the land of the living."
"Ill wait until then."
"No," he kept those verdant eyes fixed on me, "its vital that you keep on top of that infection, and that means not missing so much as a single dose of medicine. If you cant, or wont do it yourself, Ill do it for you, is that clear?"
"Ill do it."
"Good," he handed me the capsule and a disposable surgical glove, "Ill wait outside the door, call me if you need to." He paused for a moment, impaling me with a sharp look, "and dont seek to deceive me, Ill know." Scooping up Bob, he left the room.
I stared after him, arrogant bastard, and how had he known that I was thinking of shoving the _d_a_m_n_ thing under the bed, anywhere, but where it was supposed to go. Hed never know if I hid it, I stared at it, then at the glove, would he? I found myself pulling the glove on, _d_a_m_n_ the man, the sooner I was fit enough to escape him the better, I was beginning to fear that Id been sucked in to a Kathy Bates film. However, Misery didnt begin to describe my feelings as I laboured to medicate myself. Just the effort of turning on my side and rearranging the nightshirt I was wearing left me in serious straits, by the time Id managed the evil deed, I was shamefully close to crying with the toll it took of me.
He briefly knocked and re-entered the bedroom just as I flopped exhausted back against the pillows. "Alright?"
I very obviously wasnt. He sat on the edge of the bed, wiping my sweating brow with a cool moist tissue, discreetly wiping away the tears that had forced their way out of my eyes. "You should have called and asked for help, pride, young man, goes before a fall."
It was said in a tone of compassion rather than censure, and without thinking, I shakily held out my hand, wrist uppermost, he immediately took it, repeating the comforting thumb circling motion of earlier, extending it to the palm of my hand.
"Im doing it next time," he said quietly, as I slowly gained ground in my bid to breathe more normally.
It was a statement. I gave a small nod, I couldnt care less, as far as I was concerned there wouldnt be a next time, I was going to die at any moment, so ill did I feel. I closed my eyes, conscious only of two things, the pain in my chest and the stroking of my hand. I tried to concentrate on the latter, slowly drifting away into a world populated with dark shadows and distant sounds. From time to time the shadows and sounds took on clearer dimensions and I glimpsed the face of the stranger who had taken me in much as one would take in a sick stray, perhaps thats how he and Bob got together? I smiled slightly as a vision of the craggy faced cat swam into my fevered consciousness. I allowed myself the luxury of drifting, exhausted in mind, body and soul, it was actually good to rest in warm, clean surroundings, good just to rest. I hadnt rested in a long, long time, never feeling safe, or worthy enough, no, never worthy enough.
The sun streamed in at the window, pooling on the bed, it had that melted butter shade so typical of early autumn, retaining within it a lingering remnant of summers full blown spirit. Cautiously easing myself into a sitting position I felt every muscle in my body quivering with weakness, my chest tightening with the effort, but at least the pain had diminished a little, and I felt more alert.
Reaching a shaky hand for the glass of water that stood on the bedside table, I detected a small twinge of something as I saw the book left open from the night before. As I lay weakly, drifting in and out of sleep, Thomas had read to me, I had felt inexplicably comforted by something I had not experienced since childhood. The previous evening had been the first time Id been fully aware of his presence in any real sense, but I suspect hed been there for several nights, reading aloud to me, keeping me company, keeping an eye on me. Tears stung my eyes, fool that I was, I blinked them away, it was time to be letting this man have his life and bedroom facilities back...as well as his cat. I smiled as the door was head butted open and Bob ambled in, leaping onto the bed, then disappearing from view as he misjudged the end, undeterred as ever, he tried again, making a successful landing this time. I scratched his ears, "well Bob, its been nice meeting you, but I think I really ought to be moving on now." He stopped purring to give me an odd little look, then with a small shake of his head, jumped off the bed and disappeared.
Feeling a little better while sitting up in bed was one thing, retaining that feeling while trying to support yourself on legs that seemed less than user friendly was quite another.
Once again I reached the centre of the continent that the room had turned into, feeling thoroughly wretched, out of breath, my heart hammering and then the dam cough started. I utilised the floor as a stretcher, lying down on it and closing my eyes, until the spasm passed.
"What are you doing out of bed?"
I opened my eyes, gazing up at the tray bearing figure who was gazing down at me over the top of his half moon glasses with a calm, yet distinct air of disapproval.
"Lying on the floor," I said weakly, "I fancied a change." Rolling onto my front I got myself onto all fours and prepared to make for the wardrobe that held my clothes.
"Youth must have its fling, I suppose," he set the tray down on the table, "and Id say that as far as today is concerned youve had yours, now back to bed with you please. Well start introducing exercise in due course."
"I need my clothes." I laboured onwards, walking on all fours wasnt as easy as Bob made it look, my respect for him grew, and he did it without coughing like a one man chest clinic.
"Youth and age will never agree, certainly not in this case young man, youre going back to bed, and if you leave it again without my express permission, youll be a very sorry youth indeed."
I let out a squeak of absolute outrage as he scooped me up as easily as he would have scooped up Bob and put me firmly back to bed, drawing the covers up and tucking them around me. "Ive brought you some breakfast."
"Stuff breakfast," I wheezily kicked the covers off and swung my legs out of bed, "I want my clothes, youve been very kind, but Im okay now, and Im out of here."
"I beg to differ Andrew," he gently put my legs back onto the bed. "Youre not fit enough to leave, you still need antibiotics, youre anaemic and the doctor wants to check you over again in a week, hes a busy man and he cant really spare the time to track you down in order to do so, and the national health budget doesnt run to hiring private detectives qualified in health care."
"Im fine," I growled, determinedly swinging them out again, "I dont need to see him again."
"Theres a remedy for everything but death," he folded his arms and gazed at me from eyes that suddenly looked like a winter sea, "last warning young man, settle down, youre still not at all well, and youre going nowhere until youre fit enough to do so."
"_f_u_c_k_ off!" I felt a bit panicky, having someone tell me what to do was something I was unused to, Id been answerable only to myself for a long time.
"Youre going back to bed, youre having some breakfast and youre going to cause no more problems, is that clear?"
I stared at him in absolute disbelief, the man was a _f_u_c_k_ing terrier, he never let go. I felt a surge of temper, before I knew it, the tray with the breakfast things was on the floor and I was marching across the room towards the wardrobe, which was beginning to assume something like the qualities of the war time Swiss border, I feared Id never reach it.
I say marched, because in my mind that was exactly what I was doing, in reality I reached the end of the bed and hung onto the bedstead as the room spun and I began a painful bout of coughing, that made me wonder why God had lumbered us with so many ribs, and every single one of them prone to agonising pain at times like this.
"Sorry," I lay back against the pillows, watching as Thomas gathered the spurned contents of the tray together, mopping up the mess Id made. He reached out a large hand and patted mine kindly. I nearly cried, especially when he walked out without saying anything, he should have yelled at me. I apologised again, when he reappeared with a freshly prepared tray, setting it down on the table once more.
"Lets get some food into you."
"Not hungry thanks, just get my things and Ill be on my way."
"Theres a proverb that says, desperate diseases need desperate measures," he sat down on the side of the bed, resting the tray on his lap. "In your case the disease appears to be a quite extraordinary stubborn wilfulness, which is hampering good sense. Now, I have told you several times, you are not well enough to go meandering around damp autumn streets. Ive also warned you that should you persist with this wilful, and self harming, behaviour, youd be regretful."
I swallowed slightly, although he was taller than me by one or two inches, he wasnt what youd call a big man, but somehow he was very imposing, and I was suddenly rather nervous. I resorted to aggressive defensiveness. "Just get me my _d_a_m_n_ clothes and Ill _f_u_c_k_ off out of your space, then well both be better off."
"A man of words and not of deeds," he calmly set aside the tray, and pulled back the covers on the bed, "is like a garden full of weeds."
Before I could so much as blink, he reached for me, lifting me forwards and over his lap. "Hey, what the hell are you playing at?"
"Its time you learned that Im more than a man of words Andrew, youve tried my patience this morning. I thought wed agreed that you were my responsibility until such time you were able to resume it for yourself. Im not in the habit of having to repeat myself time and again, so Ill try and get the message across once and for all."
My eyes flew wide open, and I flushed with embarrassment as my nightshirt was raised, exposing my bare bottom. I then got the shock of my life, almost jumping off his lap with fright, as his hand contacted my buttocks with a resounding crack.
"When you leave here," his left arm secured me around the waist, while his right hand delivered a second thundering slap to my bottom, "you will do so with a clean bill of health, is that abundantly clear?"
"Who the _f_u_c_k_ do you think you are?" I tried unsuccessfully to reach a hand back towards my bottom which was stinging in a no uncertain way. I sucked in my breath as his hand cracked down harder still.
"I asked you a question young man, and I suggest you reply in the affirmative, or else Ill assume youre disobeying the edict that the question was posed around, and be forced to take even sterner action."
"Its clear, its clear," I wiggled desperately.
"Whats clear?"
Temper flared again, and I yelled, "its clear that youre a sadistic sod!"
"Not the answer I was looking for, Im afraid."
A fourth blistering smack shocked my backside, it was swiftly followed by a fifth, then a sixth. I gave in, and gasped out what I hoped was an acceptable answer, "alright, alright, I dont leave here until I get a clean bill of health from the doctor."
He patted my back, "are you going to behave and do as youre told from now on?"
"Yes," I ground the word out from between gritted teeth, with my bare bottom on hot display, I really didnt feel I was in an ideal position for arguing.
"Im very pleased to hear it," he lowered my shirt and returned me to bed, drawing up the covers."
Bob made an appearance, jumping onto the bed and staring from one to another of us in a questioning way. I stroked him with a hand that was trembling, and not just with weakness. I shifted slightly, conscious of my stinging cheeks rubbing against the sheet, "I could have the law on you for that, its assault!"
"Id like you to have some breakfast first, then, if you wish, Ill bring up my mobile phone and you can call the police and report being very mildly spanked. No doubt the tale will find its way straight from police desk to reporters desk. Im sure theyll be most interested in the fact that a gay man was spanked by the gay man hes been living with for more than a week, and not a bit interested in the fact that the spanking was well deserved and given from concern rather than for _s_e_x_ual purposes. Fodder for the masses, theyll love it and rest assured, neither of us will shine well."
I stared at him silently for a moment, then moistened my lips, "youre gay?"
"Yes."
"How did you know I was?"
"You had several copies of the Gay Times in your possession, alas now rendered unreadable due to the leakage in your luggage. I prefer the Pink Paper myself, but each to his own, now to breakfast."
"Im not hungry." I scowled at him, reaching a hand under the covers and slightly raising myself to rub my buttocks, "and it didnt feel very mild."
He settled the tray back on his knee and smiled gently, "believe me Andrew, it was mild, as youll discover if you dont make a reasonable attempt to eat a little of the second breakfast Ive prepared for you this morning."
To my shame I suddenly burst into tears. He set the tray aside, and without thinking, I reached my arms around him, sobbing into his chest as he soothed and cuddled me.
"Its alright young man...Andrew," his voice was kind. "I admit I can take a little getting used to. Im rather fond of things being done my way, but only because its the right way, and you really are not fit enough to be living a nomadic life at this time of year. Now, if youre so keen to escape my spare room, and my company, it might be wise to start building up your strength by eating breakfast."
I sniffed, making no attempt to pull away from the embrace. "I cant."
"You can, just a little, a few spoonfuls."
"I really cant."
"Why not Andrew?"
"Because Bobs eating it!"
"What?"
Bob raised his head from the bowl of creamy porridge he was enjoying, and gave his owner an apologetic, but I just couldnt help myself, look.
Thomas was not amused. "Thats you on shortened rations for the rest of the day Robert Hall, make no mistake!"
Bobs reaction was to put his head in the bowl again, wolfing the rest of its contents, obviously making the most of his available rations. I glanced up at Thomas, suddenly we were both laughing, it was the best Id felt in a long while.
"So," he stroked my overlong fringe back from my eyes, "were agreed, youll behave yourself, and stay until the doctor says youre fit and healthy again."
I gave a nod, feeling suddenly shy, "okay, but only because I like your cat, and he seems to need my company as a break from you."
"Fair enough," he smiled gently. "Now, lets try for third time lucky where breakfast is concerned, then its a rest for you."
I gazed at him solemnly, repeating a collection of words that popped to mind. "The best physicians are Dr. Diet, Dr. Quiet, and Dr. Merryman, or so my late gran used to say."
His green eyes shone with delighted amusement, "yes indeed, and as soon as Ive tended to your breakfast that goes straight into my notebook, I do believe Id missed that one, thank you."
I rested my head against the pillows, watching him leave the room, absurdly pleased that Id given him a small gift in the form of a proverb that I hadnt even realised I knew, until it unexpectedly resurfaced in my mind. Strange, the things we retain without realising it, but then the mind is a repository, with many hidden corners and secret chambers.
The days passed, October moving into November with a slow, steady grace that saw the leaves on the tree outside the bedroom window drift down into the garden below, leaving the branches all but naked except for the odd, stubborn leaf.
The doctor smiled at me with professional brightness as he took the stethoscope from his ears, "excellent, nice clean tubes without a hint of a rattle. Im giving you a clean bill of health."
I swallowed back a slight resentment at my rattle-less tubes, resisted a rather rude desire to tell the good doctor where to stuff his clean bill, and thanked him, glancing out of the bedroom window, watching as the last, crisply withered leaf detached itself and floated adrift on the breeze.
I dressed while Thomas saw the doctor out, packing my belongings into a holdall that still smelled faintly of brandy, I hadnt had a drink in over a month, and it hadnt bothered me, but suddenly I longed for one. I sensed I was being watched and glanced up to find Thomas standing in the bedroom doorway.
I broke the silence, "Ill be moving on now, let you have your life back. Ive got friends to see, theyll be worried about me, and Ive got things to do. Thank you for everything."
He smiled, saying softly, "I see youre grasping your freedom with both hands. At least I know youre as fit as you can be, hopefully youll take better care of yourself and remain that way." He moved forward holding out a hand, "goodbye, and good luck."
I shook the hand, feeling my throat constrict at how easily he was letting me go. He followed me downstairs into the hall where Bob trotted towards me, winding himself about my ankles, purring in that rusty, friendly way of his. I bent to scratch his ears, "bye Bob," I whispered, "Ill miss you."
A tangle of thoughts and emotions swept over me as I straightened up and looked at Thomas who was holding out my jacket.
I didnt like him, not really, he was much too bossy. I took the jacket and shrugged it on, giving an experimental cough as I did so, half hoping hed start fussing, and demand I go upstairs for a rest at once. He didnt. Well, it didnt matter, because I really did not like him, he was too arrogant and not at all pretty or handsome, despite those wide curved, almond shaped eyes of verdant green, fringed with thick dark lashes. No, I zipped my jacket, he was not attractive at all, and so arrogant and sure of himself, in a quiet kind of way. Id never heard him raise his voice, he had a mellow voice, musical almost.
I picked up my bag, glad to be moving on, away from this domineering man, but domineering in a sort of reasonable, reassuring way. When I actually thought about it, he was usually right about things, not that Id let him know that! Oh no! Give a man like Thomas Hall an inch and hed assume control of the rest of my life, and it wasnt as if I even liked him, I didnt fancy him or anything. I coughed again.
"Would you like a drink of water before you go Andrew, sounds like youve got a dry throat there?"
I shook my head and was just wondering whether I could fake a reasonable faint when he opened the front door.
He obviously didnt want me to stay, a sharp pang made my stomach contract. "Thanks for everything," I stepped outside into air that had a definite edge of frost to it.
"Im more than glad to have helped, take good care and let me know if you ever need or want anything else." He paused slightly, then asked, "you definitely have somewhere to stay tonight?"
I nodded, "yes thanks."
The day moved on. It got dark, it got colder, then it snowed. There I was, sitting on a park bench, in a _f_u_c_k_ing snow storm, like a tramp without a flea to call a friend. Tears stung my eyes. "If you ever need or want anything else..." His words echoed in my mind.
"Hello," somehow he didnt look surprised to see me, "did you leave something behind?"
Only my _f_u_c_k_ing heart, I thought sarcastically, while trying to affect an air of casual calm. "No, its just," I swallowed, "my plans fell through, the friend I planned to stay with had to go away, I wondered if I could stay..." I stopped, embarrassed and suddenly tearful, what the hell was I playing at?
"Of course, all you had to do was ask. Come in Andrew, you look absolutely frozen."
I took a deep breath, gave a shaky smile and stepped inside, setting my holdall down on the floor. Bob materialised, butting my ankles and making loud purring noises of welcome. I petted him fondly. As I straightened, the room suddenly dipped and wavered in a most disconcerting way, I swayed.
His hand was immediately at my elbow securing, and steadying me. "So much for looking after yourself, youve obviously not had a thing to eat or drink today, and as they say, Nature abhors a vacuum." He lowered me on to the bottom stair, pushing my head down between my knees until the faintness wore off. "Youll be making yourself ill again, you foolish boy."
The faintness passed, I took a deep breath, got to my feet, slipped off my jacket, and flung it over the end of the banister. "I dont like you, you do know that dont you?"
"Of course," he pointed at the coat hooks, and I immediately hung my jacket up properly. He continued, "it goes without saying that you find me loathsome, but as they say, any port in a storm, and it is a pretty bad storm out there, and I have no doubt from those wet clothes that youve been mooching about in it all day, go upstairs at once and take a hot bath."
I shook my head. "I dont want a bath, thanks all the same."
"Im not asking whether you want a bath young man, Im telling you to go and take one."
"Im fine, really I...OW!" I finished on a yelp as his hand smacked the seat of my damp jeans. "Hey?"
"Tell me Andrew, " he folded his arms and gazed at me steadily, "why did you come back?"
I shrugged, dropping my gaze, "I told you, my friend..."
"No," he interjected firmly, "that wont do, youre lying, there was no friend Andy, dont persist in lying to me, or to yourself. Why did you come back here?"
"I..I...well," I struggled to fit words to feelings, flushing deeply, and getting angry, after all, what right had I to expect anything? "I dont _f_u_c_k_ing know," I took refuge in temper. "Youre an uptight, pernickety, bloody pain in the arse. Im sorry to have imposed on you, Ill go!" I turned to grab my jacket and promptly tripped over Bob, sprawling full length on the hall floor. Bob gave a screech of dismay, streaking off like a rocket. "Is he alright?" I heaved myself onto hands and knees, "I havent hurt him have I?"
"Hes fine, dont worry," Thomas reached down to take my wrist and help me up, "he likes you, Im sure youre already forgiven."
"Do you like me?" The words blurted themselves from my mouth as he drew me level, well, almost level with him, I felt like a kid with a crush on a teacher...
...Our eyes locked, then our lips, I dont know who fumbled with whose buttons first, only that suddenly we were both shirtless. He grabbed my hand, "bed, lets go to bed, you might be young and supple enough for the hall floor, but Im not."
I awoke next morning to find the room bathed in that strange spectral light that only snow can cast, a soft mistletoe sheen of milky grey. I sleepily mused on the previous day, I didnt really like Thomas Hall, I reminded myself firmly of that fact, but, he was warm and cosy to cuddle up to on a cold, snowy morning, especially when you were naked. "Why didnt you ask me to stay yesterday?" I spoke quietly into the ethereal light as his lips softly brushed against my hair.
"You didnt say you wanted to, I needed to hear it from you. Why did you come back?"
"Velcro," I said solemnly.
He understood what I meant, somehow I knew he would.
He gave a small laugh, "Velcro, I like it, Im the hook to your loop, I felt that too, lets hope that we bond as strongly as that worthy material." He kissed me, then patted my rump, "go and have that somewhat delayed bath now, Ill make breakfast, then well talk. Theres one proverb that I dont agree with, and its the one that says silence gives consent. I need to know that you understand what Im about, and what our life together would entail. I think you do know, but we need to be sure, both of us. Go on, have your bath."
I opened my mouth, then shut it again, what was the use, as ever, hed issued an instruction, not a suggestion? It was a bad habit Id just have to try and break him of.
I never did break him of that particular habit, he continued to issue instructions, and ultimatums, which led to consequences, though the latter became less frequent as I learned that obeying the instruction in the first place was usually better all round. That said, there were some habits that I myself retained in spite of his very best efforts, one of which was falling asleep in the bath, bad enough in moments of rude health, much worse when weakened by a month of chronic self neglect.
I awoke with a start, floundering like a panic stricken trout as pine flavoured bath water invaded my mouth and nostrils. I instinctively grasped for the side of the bath to haul myself up, but my wet hands couldnt gain purchase. I slipped back under the water, my sleep drugged body feeling heavier than I had strength to control. Oh God, I flailed desperately, the embarrassment of drowning in a Radox bath, still, at least my corpse would smell nice!
"A drowning man will clutch at a straw," the door flew open and Thomass voice, still frost sharp, cleaved the air, penetrating my panic, "unless hes named Andrew, in which case hell clutch at a bath sponge and hope that someone hears him choking and gurgling! How many times have you been told about napping in the bath young man?"
I was briskly pulled clear of the water, swathed in a huge bath towel and carried back to the bedroom, still coughing and spluttering. He sat in the rocking chair, gathering me safely on his knee.
"Sorry," I rasped, when able to speak again. "I just closed my eyes for a moment, didnt realise how exhausted I was, must have drifted off." Tears sprang afresh, "you were right, I should have made that doctors appointment. I feel horrible Thomas, really rotten."
"I know love, I know, thats why I wanted you to make one, for no other reason."
The frost suddenly melted from his voice, my heart lightened, the cold snap was over.
He cuddled me closer on his lap, "however, no matter how rotten you feel, drowning yourself in the bath isnt the answer. A few days bed rest, good food and a visit by the doctor is what you need, not death by drowning. Besides," a touch of wry humour entered his voice, "not even death can save you from the retribution you have coming for going off like that and letting yourself slide into this state."
I gave a weak smile, and snuggled closer against him, still shivering slightly from a mixture of fright and a rising temperature. The words hed said prior to me going for a resentful sulk in the bath came back to me, Im beginning to wonder what you do need me for?
Well, one thing was for sure, he was handy to have around as an antidote to drowning in the bath. And, when I thought about it, drowning in the bath wouldnt even be an option if it wasnt for Thomas.
If providence had not decreed that Mr Proverb man pluck me from the side of a rain soaked road, I would have died of pneumonia in a winter ditch several years earlier, my instinct to survive fatally eroded. Every time I had attempted to move on from the pain I carried within, I lost a little more direction, spiralling down into uncaring, self hating, self neglect. He had helped me put in place the means by which I could reattach myself to the world, given me structure, given me purpose, helped me remember who I was and to find a way home. I had forgotten all that, pushed it aside like a tower of wooden bricks the night I fled in self absorbed panic.
The month at the caravan had been a nightmare, and not just because of the maggots crawling from the corpse of a dead past to feed on me again, but because I had found myself without anchor again, a small boat adrift on a hostile sea, shocked, and frightened by how quickly the horizon disappeared from sight. The misery of the nights when Id sat drinking in a futile attempt to keep demons at bay, and to try and allay the sensation of tumbling through space, pressed in on me afresh and I began to weep.
Id fled without thought for anyone but myself, trying to escape something that needed to be faced and running from the one person who would willingly have helped me face it, supported me through it, the person whose feelings and sensibilities Id totally disregarded. I felt shamed, no wonder that a hint of winter had touched his manner, though courteous to the last, he waited until he was sure I was on the road home, before turning down the heating.
He was right too, I had expected him to come to the rescue, and had grown angry and resentful when he didnt come as quickly as I wanted him too. Moreover, I expected a warm welcome home with no repercussions. My vision cleared, I saw that for what it was, futile, wishful thinking! Id obviously lost all grip on sanity for a while there, I knew what our relationship was about, how it worked, and escaping consequences was not one of those ways. "Im so very sorry," I spoke softly through tears, "I hurt and let you down Thomas, badly, let us both down. I broke trust between us, let everything wed built come crashing down, and nearly lost myself again, nearly lost us." I tilted my head back to gaze at him, "I cant do it, I cant do life on my own. I dont want to."
"Its alright love," his fingers pushed a gentle path through my damp hair, "you dont have to, Im here, well move on from this together." He smiled, " Im taking you back in hand Andrew, back to basics, I think its what you need for a while. Seems some boundaries need redefining, theyve gotten a little blurred. You can take breathing for granted, all else youll refer back to me, until I deem you ready for a bit more self government."
I blanched slightly, his words sounded horribly ominous. All the same, curled in his arms I felt suddenly at peace, I was home and safe. Just like Issy I was where I wanted to be." I gazed at him solemnly. "East West, homes best, even if it is inhabited by a domineering ogre with rampant megalomania."
His fingers continued their soothing trek through my damp hair, "you wouldnt want it any other way. Now, lets get you dried off and tucked up in bed, Ill bring you something to eat and then you can rest."
I was still awake when later he climbed in beside me. He looked at me sternly over the top of his half moon specs, "I seem to remember telling you to go to sleep young man."
"I was waiting for you." I snuggled against him.
"Well, Im here now, so to sleep at once, you need rest," he kissed my nose, "shall I read to you?"
"Depends what it is?"
He reached for a book from the bedside table. "Tacitus, The Annals Of Imperial Rome."
I groaned, and lay my head more snugly against his chest. "Frankly, Id rather drink a bath full of Pine Radox."
"It has no nutrients, so well stick with food for the mind... When Rome was first a city, its rulers were kings. Then Lucius Junius Brutus created the consulate..."
I was asleep in seconds, as of course was his plan, bossy sod!
End.