Halfway through my sophomore year of high school, my friend Robert Baskins asked me to fill in for him as mascot at the next football game because he was going to be out of town. Thinking nothing of it, I agreed. Afterall, how hard could it be?
So when Saturday came around, I dressed up in a panther suit and marched out onto the field with the team. I danced around and tried to stir the crowd. The cheerleaders all hugged me. The audience cheered me on. The football players clapped for me. It was more fun than I had ever had in my life.
But when the game was over our team had gotten skunked, things were a different story. Robert hadn't told me what happened to the mascot if the team lost.
As soon as I got in the lockerroom, several of the players grabbed me and started jerking my costume off of me. I tried to fight them but there were too many. The next thing I knew, I was wearing nothing but my tight fitting white briefs (and they were so covered with sweat they were clinging to my bottom).
The quarterback, Jerry Hillman, took me over his knee and started pounding my skinny white butt with his bare hand. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! on the right cheek. SMACK! SMACK! on the left. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! on the right. SMACK! on the left. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! on the right cheek. The other players cheered him on. "Whip him! Whip him good!" SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
"Owwww!!!!!! Owwww!!!!! Stop!!!!" SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Jerry wore me out.
When he finally let me stand up, I had tears pouring down my face. "What'd you whip me for? I didn't make you lose. You guys are the ones who played the game!" I muttered.
Uh-oh. That was a mistake. A linebacker named Charlie Buckson didn't want to hear that. He grabbed me and turned me over his lap. "please! I didn't mean it! Please don't spank me!"
"Too late now boy! Your butt is toast! Somebody give me the paddle!"
The paddle? Oh man. The only person who had ever whipped me with a paddle was my little brother - but that's another story. The paddle scared me to death. "Please, not the paddle! Please, I'm sorry! Please don't whip me!"
"Crying like a baby, huh? I'll give you something to cry about!" Charlie literally ripped my white briefs off of me. WHACK! It was a frat paddle filled with holes. It was so large it covered just about every inch of my buttocks. WHACK! I thought I was going to die. WHACK! Charlie seemed to pause between each and every smack. WHACK! "OWWWWWW!!!!!! OWWWWWW!!!!!! STOPPPPPP!!!!!!" WHACK!.... WHACK!..... WHACK!..... WHACK! Charlie gave me about thirty-five whacks with the board before he finally dropped it. "Now for the hand spankin' you deserve little boy! And you better not say a word!"
Charlie's hand spanking was worse than the paddling and much worse than the spanking Jerry had given me. Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! He alternated - one smack to the left cheek, one to the right. Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! My butt was already so sore from the previous spanking and paddlings that I was squirming around all over Charlie's lap. Owwww!!!! Owwweeee!!!!! Pllleeeeaassseee!!! I'm not even the regular mascot!!!! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! It seems the more I squirmed and yelled and hollared the more Charlie and the other guys enjoyed my torment. "Get him!!!! Let him have it!!! Wear that boy out! Show him who's boss!" they cheered. Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! It was rapid fire. I didn't have time to think how bad one smack hurt before the next one landed. Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!
By the end of the day I'm sure I received at least 200 smacks. It was then I decided I would never again volunteer to be a mascot.