It was Friday afternoon and I was watching a movie on HBO. Billy and Max, our dogs, were laying on the sofa with me.
Mom came in kitchen through the garage door, "Hey kiddo."
"Hey, Ma," I answered looking back at her in the kitchen. Billy and Max, hearing Mom's voice jumped off the sofa and ran to greet her. When Mom is around, to Bill and Max the rest of the family is chopped liver. She had a bag in her hand. "Do you need me to get any other bags from the car?" My brothers and I were taught very early to be gentlemen, and that included opening doors and getting bags from the car for our mother.
"No, thanks, sweetie. This is the only one. But, I do have a couple bags of potting soil I need you to bring to the greenhouse," Mom answered.
Great, Mom and her potting soil, I thought. "Ok. Can I finish this movie before I do that? It'll be over in about 5 minutes."
"Sure. How was school?" Mom asked.
"Fine."
Where are your brothers?"
"Sam is at Ryans. I don't know where Nick is," I answered. Mom went upstairs and I finished watching the movie. Surprisingly, Max came back into the family room and laid down on the floor at my feet. Billy followed Mom upstairs.
After the movie was over, I went into the kitchen. I grabbed a drink and sat down at the kitchen table. Mom had changed clothes and was in the kitchen fussing over a plant. "Mom, what's that?" I asked pointing to the plant.
Mom smiled, "Isn't it wonderful? This is a ________. Look at these leaves! And the variegation is so--." (Sorry, I can't remember the name of the plant after all these years; I couldn't remember it a few seconds after she said it!)
"Yeah, wonderful. It's a plant, Ma," I answered her honestly. I couldn't care less about that "wonderful" plant.
"Just stop --" she started.
"Oh come on, Mom. The house is starting to resemble a rain forest," I interrupted
"Chill out. Now, I have to find just the right place for this little guy....." Mom's voice trailed off and she picked up the plant and started to walk away with it.
"Wait, Mom. Whoa, whoa.... That plant is NOT going in my room. You already have three of your plants in there as it is. Do you know how embarrassing is it is when my buds come over and see plants in my room? That "wonderful" little plant is not going in my room. You hear me? NOT going in my room!"
"Yes, sir," Mom said, with attitude.
"Mom...I'm serious. I don't want that plant in my room. You want to create a rain forest in the house - fine; just do it outside of my room --" I started.
As I was talking, Mom walked towards me, put down the plant and grabbed the back my hair and pulled my head back.
"--Ow, ow, ow!" I said.
"Who's house is this?" Mom asked smiling.
"Yours! Yours!" I answered quickly.
"And where may I put plants if I so choose?" She asked.
"Anywhere you want!! Ow, Mom! Ow....Claws, Ma, you have claws!" I answered. Not only was Mom pulling my head back with my hair, but she was clawing my neck. Mom's nails were always done and she always had claws. Felt pretty good when I asked her to scratch my back, but digging into my neck hurt. Right now, I know she was only teasing me, but it was starting to hurt.
"That's right. My house, and I'll put plants in every room if I so choose. You have a problem with that?" Mom asked.
"No! NO! Owwww..., Mom!"
"No problem?" she asked again.
"Noooooo! Owwwwww.... You're ripping my hair out!!" I answered.
Mom let go of my hair and bushed it back down. Smiling she said, "Good. Didn't think you had a problem."
"Mom. I really don't want another plant in my room, pleeeeeease??" I asked.
"This plant needs more light, so it can't go in your room, it's not bright enough. But, I think it would look great on Nicky's desk," Mom said happily, she kissed me on the top of my head and pranced upstairs like a little kid with a new toy. Both dogs followed her upstairs.
Oh Nick's going to love that, I thought. At least it isn't my desk. I took a few more sips of my drink and headed outside to lug the bags of potting soil to the greenhouse.
I opened up the back of Mom's jeep and saw nine bags of potting soil. This is a couple? Shaking my head and muttering to myself, I grabbed two bags and started walking towards the greenhouse.
When I approached the greenhouse, I smelled smoke. Cigarette smoke. I put the bags down and walked behind the building. Nick was sitting on the bench smoking. I stood there a second before I said anything. "Dude!"
Jumping, Nick looked at me, "_d_a_m_n_, Chris, you scared the _s_h_i_t_ out of me!"
"What are you thinking? You didn't even hear me walk up. What if I was Dad?" I asked.
"Dad ain't home. He's not off duty for a few more hours," he answered. "If Mom came out here, she'd bring Billy and Max with her and they would have found me first," he answered.
"Yeah, ok, that's true. But, Mom is home, so be careful," I told him. "And you are going to love what she is putting on your desk."
"Let me guess? Another _f_u_c_k_ing plant," he stated.
"Uh-huh," I replied, nodding my head.
"_f_u_c_k_. I'm surprised she hasn't had us build her another greenhouse - a bigger one," he said, shaking his head. "What are you doing out there anyway?"
"Lugging potting soil," I answered. "Mom said she had a couple bags of potting soil in the jeep. Couple my ass. A couple is two bags. Do you know how many there are? Nine. Nine is not a couple. She better not rag on me if I ever bring home a C on a Pre-Calc test since she can't even count."
"Dude, you bring home a C, Dad'll--," Nick started.
"Yeah, I know, believe me, I know...." I interrupted.
Nick pulled out his pack of cigarettes, lit another one. He tossed me the pack and then his lighter. The pack was almost full - only two missing. "You bummed one from me at lunch, thought you were out," I commented. I took one, lit it and sat down on the bench next to him.
"I was. Got this from Sandy after school," he answered.
"What's the deal with you and her? You two back together again?" I asked.
"Yeah, I guess. I dunno," Nick shrugged.
"Ok. Whatever, man," I said.
"Look, I don't need any _s_h_i_t_ from you about her too," Nick said, getting a little angry.
"Whoa! Back off, dude. I didn't mean anything. Whatever you want to do with her is fine with me," I defended.
"Why does everyone rag on me about her?" he asked. "I'm sick of it."
"Maybe because you two have been together and broken up about twelve times now. No one knows what to think. You're with her, then you're with Tammy, back to Sandy, then its Carol, back to Sandy. You run to her every time you break up with a chick," I told him.
Taking a deep drag, he slowly blew it out. "Dude, I don't know. Sometimes she is all I think about, other times, I just don't care. I mean, I care about her, but not like that. You know when she was dating Kevin, I was jealous as hell. I wanted to kick his ass....."
We sat there and talked for the next fifteen minutes. I smoked two more cigarettes. I wasn't a heavy smoker and I recently cut back a lot. Usually, I'd have one before school started, one at lunch and then another one or two after school. Sitting here with Nick, smoking these three made my total for the day seven. This was more then I normally smoked, and my head was starting to ache.
I never smoked at home or in any of our cars. That would have been stupid -- way to easy to get caught. Dad has made it well know that if he ever catches us smoking he was going to smoke our butts.
"Oh I almost forgot, Sandy told me --" Nick started.
Nick was sitting sideways on the bench to my right, with one knee on the bench and his body facing me. I'm sitting forward with both of my elbows on my knees looking at the ground. I took a drag, looking back at him, "Told you what?" Nick's eyes were wide, his mouth was open a little and he was looking past me and up.
Oh God, please don't be Dad. Please don't be Dad, I thought as I slowly turned my head forward and then to my left.
It was Dad.
We are going to die. Right here, behind the greenhouse, he is going to kill us. I turned my head forward, slowly exhaled downward and sat up straight. Nick moved his knee and sat up straight too. Dad moved in front of us. He was glaring at us. I could see his face getting red.
I started to lean forward to put out my cigarette when Dad said, "No. Finish it."
Confused, I asked, "Excuse me?"
"Finish it," Dad repeated, looking at the cigarette in my hand. "You too, Nicholas."
We started to look at each other when Dad yelled, "Don't look at each other, finish your cigarette. Now!"
Slowly I took another drag. Dad was still staring at us, and I was feeling very intimidated. Like trained monkeys, Nick and I took drag after drag in unison.
Dad pointed to the pack and extended his hand. Nick silently handed it to him. Dad opened it and counted the cigarettes. "Who's pack is this?"
"Mine," Nick answered quietly.
"How long have you had it?" Dad asked.
"Since this afternoon," Nick answered.
"There is only thirteen in here. You've smoked seven this afternoon?" Dad asked.
"No, sir. I had four, Chris had three," Nick replied quietly.
"How many cigarettes to you usually smoke in a day?" Dad asked.
"Usually six at the most," I answered.
"About ten," Nick answered.
"How many have you had today?" Dad asked.
"Seven," I answered.
"This is my tenth", Nick answered.
Dad didn't say anything for another minute. I finished my cigarette. When Nick finished his, Dad held out the pack to us, "Have another."
"No, thank you, sir," I answered quietly, and Nick echoed.
"That wasn't a question. Have another," Dad commanded.
Slowly I reached forward and grabbed another cigarette and picked up the lighter from the bench. I lit it and then handed the lighter to Nick. Nick lit his and then handed the lighter back to me.
Dad stood in front of us, with his arms crossed. My head was starting to pound from smoking too much. I was starting to get that sick feeling in the back of my throat too.
"How long have you been smoking?" Dad asked calmly.
"About a year and a half," I answered.
"Little more then a year," Nick answered.
"Does Sam smoke?" Dad asked.
"No, sir," Nick answered quickly.
"Yes, sir," I corrected him.
Nick looked at me. "What? Sammy smokes? I didn't know that. How come you know this and I don't?" Looking up at Dad, "Dad, I swear, I didn't know that. I did not just lie to you, sir. I didn't know."
"Chris, how do you know Sam smokes?" Dad asked.
"Because," pausing, "he gets his cigarettes from me," I answered quietly.
"WHAT? Explain that," Dad said.
Taking a deep breath, "Do you remember last fall, when you told me to rake up the leaves under the deck and I didn't? And you told me to change the batteries in the intercom system and I didn't? And, you told me to --"
"Yes," Dad interrupted.
"Well, by the end of the afternoon, you told me if I did one more thing wrong you were going to kick my butt," I said.
"What does that have to do with your brother?" Dad asked.
"Well, Sam had gone to the movies. Mom told me to cool off and go pick him up. The movie got out earlier then I was expecting and Sam caught me smoking. He told me either I give him one, or he'd tell. I knew you'd kick my butt, so," pausing, " ...... I gave him one."
"YOU WERE SMOKING IN MY CAR?" Dad yelled.
"No, sir! Never! I never smoked in the car, Dad. Always outside of the car," I answered quickly.
Dad nodded. "Continue," Dad commanded.
"Well, I drove Sam to the park and gave him a cigarette. I really didn't want him smoking, but I didn't want you to kick my ass either. I knew if Sammy told, that you would. Before I gave him one, I made him promise me he would never buy cigarettes or bum them off anyone but me - not even Nick - only me. I told him if I had cigarettes, I would give him some."
Dad just glared at me.
By this time, both Nick and I had finished our cigarettes. Dad offered us the pack again.
"Dad, I really starting to feel sick," Nick said.
"Take one," Dad ordered shaking the pack at us.
"But -" Nick started.
"NOW!" Dad yelled.
We both lit up another one. My head was really pounding now. Not only had I smoked more cigarettes in one day then I ever had, this was the most I had smoked in one sitting. Dad was getting impatient, so I was smoking them faster then usual too.
"How often do you give your brother cigarettes," Dad asked me.
"Not often now. I've cut back a lot. At first, I'd split a pack with him in a day or two. But I've cut back. If I don't have any cigarettes, I can't give him any," I shrugged.
"Where do you get cigarettes from?" Dad asked.
"Vending machines. Stores won't sell them to me," I answered.
"Nicholas?" Dad asked.
"Same," Nick answered quietly.
"When was the last time you gave Sam any?" Dad asked.
"Uh....A few days ago. Monday, I think. I had four left, so I gave him two," I answered. "Dad, I'm really not feeling too good right now."
Dad didn't say anything for a long time. He just started at us. When we finished smoking our current cigarette, he handed us another one, and another one beyond that. My head was throbbing and the back of my throat tasted nasty. I had never smoked seven cigarettes in a 20 minute time period before. I could feel my stomach start to churn. He's going to make us smoke until we puke, I thought.
It felt good to have Nick with me. At least I wasn't alone in my misery. I knew he was feeling the same thing I was. He even had one more he was already smoking one when I found him. I supposed I should have been mad at him, because if he wasn't smoking back here, I wouldn't have been either. But, the logical part of my brain kicked in and told me I didn't have to sit here with him and smoke. Plus, at the moment, all I was concentrating on was not puking.
I was sitting there in a daze, when I heard Sammy's voice.
"Hey, Dad! Mom wants to know what time you want din --" Sam had started talking before he came behind the greenhouse. He stopped short when he saw us.
He looked at Nick and me, then at Dad. "Oh....Uh..... Excuse me, I'm sorry....." Sammy said as he backed up and turned to leave.
"Freeze," Dad ordered Sam.
Sam stopped, slowly turned around and said, "Yes, sir?"
"Did you know your brothers were back here?" Dad asked.
"No, sir. Mom told me you were out here and sent me to ask you when you wanted dinner," Sam answered.
"Did you know your brothers smoke?" Dad asked.
"Yes, sir."
"Do you smoke?" Dad asked.
Without hesitation, Sammy answered, "Yes, sir." A few years ago, my brothers and I made a pact. We don't lie to each other about anything and if we are caught by our parents without all three of us present, spill your guts when being interrogated. Even if it gets the missing brother in trouble. In the end, what comes around, goes around.
"Your brothers get their cigarettes from a vending machine. How do you get them?" Dad asked.
"From Chris," Sam answered. He had a scared look on his face, like a mouse caught in a trap, but he answered Dad immediately.
"You've never bought from a vending machine?" Dad asked.
"No, sir. I promised Chris I wouldn't, and I haven't. I only get them from him," Sam replied.
Nick and I finished our cigarettes right as Sam walked up. Dad just realized we were done and held the pack out to us. Slowly we took another one each and lit up. I looked Nick when I handed him the lighter. He looked like he was going to puke. I swear he looked pale and green at the same time. I saw Sams eyes go wide when Dad held out the pack to us.
"When was the last time Chris gave you any?" Dad asked.
"Yesterday," Sam answered.
"Yesterday? You sure?" Dad asked.
"Yes, sir. Yesterday," Sam answered with a nod of his head.
I was listening, but wasn't really focusing on what was just said. I felt Nick touch his leg against mine. I looked at him and he nodded his head, gesturing to pay attention to Dad and Sam. That's when I realized Sam said I gave him cigarettes yesterday. But, I didn't. It was Monday. Maybe Tuesday, but definitely not yesterday.
"No, I did ---" I started to say.
Dad held up his hand, indicating for me to shut up. Looking at Sam, "How many did he give you?"
Looking confused, Sam looked at me and then Dad. "He gave me almost a half of a pack."
"A half of a pack?" Dad repeated. He looked at me accusingly and then back to Sam.
"Yes, sir," Sam answered slowly.
I was fuming. All thoughts of my head or stomach faded. What the hell was he talking about? Why? Why would he lie like this? I'll kill him if he bought some from somewhere.
"In the last week, how many has Chris given you?"
"Yesterday he gave me eight -- almost a half a pack. Monday he gave me two. Umm.... Nothing over the weekend. Last Thursday I asked him for some, but he said he didn't have any," Sam answered. He was still looking confused and kept glancing back at me. He could see I was angry, but he continued to lie.
"Christopher, did you give your brother a half a pack yesterday?" Dad asked.
"No, sir," I answered firmly. Sam looked at me like I was crazy.
"You sure? It's ok if you forgot, just tell me now," Dad asked.
"No, sir. I did not give him any cigarettes yesterday," I answered.
"Yes, you did!" Sam argued.
"No, I didn't" I argued back.
"Yes, you did!"
"No, I didn't!"
"Then where did I get these from?" Sam questioned, pulling out a soft pack from his back pocket.
"I don't know. But I don't buy a soft pack, you know that," I answered. "So where did you get them?"
"Christopher!" Dad warned.
"Dad, I did not give those to him!" I said.
"Yes, you did!" Sam yelled at me.
"No, I didn't!" I yelled back.
"ENOUGH!" Dad yelled at us. "Sam, where did you get that pack from?"
"From Chris! Don't you believe me? Dad, I wouldn't lie to you!" Sam told him, you could hear his frustration.
"Samuel, don't take that tone with me. I didn't say I didn't believe you. Tell me how you got that pack?"
"Yes, sir," Sam said quietly. "Yesterday, I asked Chris for cigarettes. He said he didn't have any. I knew he only had four on Monday and he split them with me, but he was smoking one when I asked, so I thought he bought another pack, so I asked him again. He said he bummed that one from someone, but I could look in his bookbag and if I found any I could have them."
"Yeah, and I didn't have any!" I interrupted. Dad held his hand up at me again.
"Yes, you did!" Sam yelled at me. "You had THIS pack!" waving the pack at me.
"No, I didn't. I haven't bought any since last week. I gave you my last two on Monday. The couple I've had the rest of the week I've bummed off people," I said angrily. "Dad, I didn't have that pack in my bookbag."
"Hey!" Dad yelled at us again. We both shut up and glared at each other.
"Christopher, tell me your side," Dad prompted.
"Yesterday, Sam did ask me for cigarettes. I didn't have any. I did tell him he could look through my bookbag and if he found any he could have them, but I didn't have any. I haven't --"
"Wait a minute. Sam, where in Chris's bookbag did you find those?" Nick suddenly said.
"In the zipper pocket in the front," Sam answered him.
"I never put anything in that pocket," I said.
Nick shook his head. "You idiot. That's the pack I put in your bag around Christmas that you said I never gave you." Looking at Sam, "That's been open since Christmas, didn't you notice they tasted funny?" Sam just shurgged.
"Why did you put it there? I never use that--" I started to say.
"Enough! Ok, you had this in your bookbag and you didn't know about it, Sam found it. Lets move on. You gave him two on Monday?"
"Yes, sir," I answered.
"Nothing over the weekend?" Dad asked.
"No, sir, I don't usually smoke over the weekend," I answered.
"Last Thursday, he asked you for some and you told him you didn't have any," Dad said.
"Yes, sir," I answered. Pausing, I took a deep breath and, looking at the ground, I added, "But I did."
"You did - what?" Dad asked.
"I had some. I ...." looking around, "lied to him," I admitted quietly looking at the ground.
I felt my father and brothers look at him. "You lied to me?" Sam asked me. "I can't believe you'd lie to me. We made a pact! You -"
"Samuel! I'll take care of this," Dad interrupted him, grabbing Sam by the arm. "Christopher, why did you lie to your brother?"
At that moment I felt horrible. "I lied because I didn't like Sam smoking -"
"You hypocrite!" Sam interrupted.
"Samuel!" Dad warned, shaking Sam's arm. "Chris, continue."
"I don't know. He had that cold around Valentines Day and he coughed forever from it. I thought maybe it was because he was smoking," I paused, shaking my head. "So, I started cutting back. If I didn't have any, I couldn't give him any. He thought it was because of the money. He even tried to give me money, but I wouldn't let him. We almost got into a fight at school about it," I paused a few more seconds. "I don't know. This all made sense in my head. But I had just bought a pack Thursday morning when he asked. I didn't plan to lie to him, it just came out. And when I told him, he was like, "ok, well let me know when you get some" and he walked away. I'm sorry, Sam. I'm really sorry. I've felt horrible ever since," I said. I looked up at Sam and I could see hatred in his eyes. I glanced at Nick, and I certainly wasn't feeling any love from him either.
In a strange way, I actually felt better. I had been feeling guilty ever since I lied to Sam. I had never lied to him since we made the pact. We lived pretty far out from other neighborhoods and my brothers and I had to be friends or after school and summers would have been very boring and lonely.
"Is that the only time you've lied to Sam," Dad asked.
"Yes, sir," I answered honestly.
There was a chilly silence for the next several minutes. Nick and I finished our cigarettes and Dad made us take another one. In the silence, I rediscovered my headache. My throat tasted awful and I was really fighting the urge to puke. I'm sure most of it was from smoking so much so fast, but I think my guilt and what I just admitted were contributing.
Suddenly, Nicky threw down his cigarette and ran to the right behind a tree to puke. Hearing him, I lost it too. I ran behind a tree to the left.
Normally, after getting sick, you feel better momentarily. Not this time. I felt disgusting. At that moment, I forgot about my guilt and could only think about my pounding headache. I knelt in the brush trying to catch my breath. A wet washcloth was shoved at my face. Looking up, I saw Sam was holding it out to me. "Thank you," I barely whispered.
"Your welcome, asshole," he said quietly. "I only got you this because Dad made me. I don't give a _d_a_m_n_ if you puke yourself to death."
Ouch. Now there is a lovely visual. I guess I deserved that. I looked over at Nick. Dad had his arm around him and was rubbing his back. When I could, I stood up and walked back to the bench and sat down. Dad looked back at me. "You ok, boy?" he asked concerned.
I nodded.
Dad helped Nick up and he sat down next to me. He reached out and took the wash cloth from me.
"Sam. I'm not going to bust you because I didn't catch you and because you admitted it to me. However, if I ever find out you are smoking again, I'm going to bust your ass good. Understood?" Dad said to Sam.
Sam nodded and said, "Yes, sir. Thank you."
"Are there any other packs floating around?" Dad asked.
"No, sir," all three of us answered.
"Sam, take these and flush them down the toilet," Dad told him, handing him the two packs with the remaining cigarettes in them.
"Yes, sir," Sam answered.
"As for you two," Dad said turning to us, "I can not believe you had the balls to smoke on our property. Your asses are not going to get off so easy. I want all three of you to bring the rest of Mom's potting soil and put it in the greenhouse. Chris and Nick, when you are done, go wait on the cedar chest."
"Yes, sir," we said.
Dad turned and walked away. I stood up and said "Sam?"
"_f_u_c_k_ you, Chris," he replied quietly and turned to walk away from me. He was really angry, but he knew Dad was still close by so he kept his voice down.
"Sammy!?" I said louder.
Sam stopped, threw the packs on the ground, turned around and before I even saw it coming, he punched me, busting my lip. I leaned forward from the shock and he jabbed me again by the eye. Nick stepped in between us and pushed Sam away from me. Sam looked at Nick and then walked away from both of us, stopping only long enough to pick up the packs he threw down.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. I touched my lip and saw blood on my fingers. I looked at Nick and he put his hands up and walked away from me too. I followed behind them holding my lip trying to get it to stop bleeding. Luckily it wasn't split too bad and the bleeding stopped by the time I got back to the driveway. Even though the bleeding stopped, it still hurt like a bitch and was throbbing.
Sam grabbed one bag, Nick and I took two bags from the jeep and brought them back to the greenhouse. There were two left and Nick and I each brought one back. Half way back, Nick asked me, "Have you ever lied to me?"
"No," I answered honestly.
After a minute, Nick said, "Don't put me in the middle of this. I'll side with Sam if you do."
"I won't," I told him.
We walked in the house together. Mom stopped us just before we got to the stairs. "Where are you going?"
"Cedar chest," I answered.
Mom put her hands on my face and looked at me. "What happened to your face?"
"Sam," I answered.
Mom looked at my lip. Very gently she touched it, I flinched. "Hurts?" she asked.
I sniffed, "Yes," I admitted.
"Sam told me you lied to him. Is that true?" Mom asked me. She had her hands on my face and forced me to look directly at her.
"Yes," I answered very softly.
She felt my forehead and then did the same with Nick. "Brush your teeth and then go lie down. Your father can deal with you later," she said.
"But, Dad said --" I started to say.
"I know what your father said. Did you just hear what I said?" Mom interrupted.
Nodding, I said, "Yes, ma'am."
"Good, I will deal with your father. Now go do what I said," Mom ordered.
"Yes, ma'am," we both answered.
"And Christopher, leave Sam alone. For now," Mom added.
I nodded, "Yes, Mom." I could see the disappointment in her eyes.
Nick and I brushed our teeth in silence. Sam walked by the bathroom door when he heard us. He stopped, looked in and then walked away. I went in my room and lied down. A few minutes later, Mom came in the room with ice wrapped in a towel for my lip and a cup of clove tea for my stomache.
I felt awful. A lot of it was from smoking nine cigarettes in that short period of time, but most of it was guilt. I broke our pact and I didn't know if Sam would ever forgive me. I didn't know if Nick would either.
I heard Dad coming up the stairs. He looked in my room and saw me laying on my bed. "DAMMIT CHRISTOPHER, where the hell did I tell you to go?"
"Sir, Mom told us..." I stuttered.
"Danny! Dan -- Wait" I heard Mom's voice coming up the stairs. "I told them to go brush their teeth and lay down. If you are going to punish them now, take them outside. I don't want them puking on the carpet."
"Fine," I heard Dad say and then he walked downstairs.
Still feeling guilty, and a little sick, I finished the tea and I finally fell asleep. About an hour later, I felt Sam shove me. "Dinner's ready. Mom said you can skip dinner if you want. Are you coming down or not?"
Barely awake, I mumbled, "No, I -"
"Don't care, you _f_u_c_k_ing prick. Just needed an answer for Mom," he said and walked out of the room. A few minutes later, I saw he walk by my door alone. I guess Nick didn't want dinner either. I fell asleep for another hour or so. I woke up and started flipping through a magazine. Dad came up, saw me awake and told me to follow him into his room.
He shut his bedroom door as I sat down on the cedar chest. He went into his closet and grabbed out a belt. "You know how I feel about smoking," Dad said.
"Yes, sir."
"You will never touch another cigarette or I will make you smoke an entire pack, no matter how many time you puke. Is that clear?"
"Crystal clear," I answered, nodding my head.
"As for Sam..... I understand why you lied, but you still lied to him, and you know better then that," Dad said. "I am really angry at you for giving him cigarettes in the first place. All because you wanted to save you own ass," Dad lectured.
"Yes, sir," I whispered. Dad lectured me for the next five minutes or so on the dangers of smoking and how we shouldn't have been smoking by the woods. And if that wasn't bad enough, he ripped into me about lying to Sam. I felt like an inch tall by the time Dad was finished.
"Now, for smoking, you are going to get four. For letting Sam smoke and giving him cigarettes for the past six months, you get six."
Ten? I looked up at Dad and then closed my eyes. First he makes me puke my guts out, and I still don't feels so good, and now he is going to beat my ass. I didn't say anything because, even though I wanted to, I knew better.
"And finally, for lying to Sam, you are going to get ten. I will not tolerate lying, whether it is to me, your mother, your brothers or anyone. Is that understood?"
"Yes, sir," I answered quietly and then closed my eyes briefly. _d_a_m_n_, that ten just doubled.
Dad nodded at me, "Stand up and turn around."
I stood up, unfastened my jeans and bent over. Thank God he's not going to whip me bare, I thought.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
I bit my lip to try not to make a sound. Suddenly, along with the pain in my butt, I felt my lip start throbbing again. I had forgot Sam clocked me.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK
"Ow..." I started taking in deep breaths.
CRACK! CRACK!
"UUHhhhhhhhhh" The tenth one was harder then the rest of them. Dad whipped the dead center of my ass and I felt the belt make contact from hip to hip.
CRACK! CRACK!
"Owwwww...uhhhh...." I took my hands off the cedar chest, but I didn't stand up. I could feel tears start to run down my face. I couldn't feel my headache or my lip throbbing any more.
CRACK! CRACK!
"Uhhhhh....." I grabbed the comforter on my parents bed and squeezed it.
CRACK! CRACK!
"Ohhhhh...owwwwwww...." I tensed up every muscle in my body and I could feel my legs shaking back and forth each time Dad whipped me.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
Like usual, Dad had me crying. I choked it in as much as possible, but it was hard to deny the tears that were flowing down my face. I released my death grip on the comforter and wiped my face with my hands. I was still sniffling when I felt Dad touch my back. "Stand up," Dad said.
Still sniffling and choking back sobs, I stood up, refastened my jeans and turned towards my father.
"You broke Sam's trust and now you are going to have to earn it back," Dad said.
"I know, Dad," I said, still sniffling and wiping my face.
"Are you ever going to smoke again?" Dad asked.
"No, sir."
"You sure?"
"Yes, sir," I answered.
"Ok, just so we are clear, if I ever find out you are smoking again, this afternoon will feel like a picnic," Dad informed me.
"It'll never happen again. I've learned my lesson. Believe me, I've learned," I answered him.
"Good, go to your room," Dad said.
Nodding my head, I slowly went to my room. When I got to my room, I pulled down my jeans and briefs. I was right, that 10th lick nailed me dead center of my ass and I could see red lines from hip to hip. My ass was also really red by my sit bones. Yup, this one is going to hurt for the rest of this weekend. I slowly pulled my briefs and jeans back up and laid down on my stomach.
About a half an hour later, Dad came to my room to talk to me. He gave me a hug and said he was dumbstruck when he went behind the greenhouse and found us smoking. He even teased me about being so stupid.
As Dad was leaving, I asked, "Dad, how mad is Sammy?"
Dad nodded his head, "What do you think? How would you feel?"
"I'd be pretty pissed off," I admitted. I shook my head, "He's never going to forgive me. From the second I said it, I've been feeling guilty. It's been eating at me, but I was afraid to confess."
"So why did you?" Dad asked. "We never would have known you lied."
I shrugged, "But I knew," I answered quietly.
Dad smiled at me and ruffled my hair. "Looks like you have learned some things your Mom and I have been trying to teach you."
"What am I going to do, Dad?"
"Don't know. But, you better suck up your pride and apologize. Then you are going to have to earn his trust back," Dad said. "But, it would be best to start tomorrow. He's pretty hot right now."
"Do you know if Nick's mad too?"
"Don't know. He is still sleeping. Are you feeling ok?" Dad asked.
"I've felt better, but I'm ok," I answered.
"Feel like going to Track Auto for me? Getting out of the house for a little while?" Dad asked.
"Sure, Dad. Whatever you want," I answered.
"Ok, go wash your face and then come into the garage, I'll give you a list of things I need....."
When I went downstairs, I saw Sam. In front of my parents, I apologized to him. I meant every word. Sam just glared at me. I went to the store and left Sam alone for the rest of the night. I was going to go to a party, but this afternoons events didn't put me in a partying mood.
Saturday morning I got up and went downstairs for breakfast. I was pouring myself a bowl of cereal when Sam came down. I offered him the cereal and he completely ignored me. I let it go, ate my breakfast and went outside to do my share of the yard work. Nick was a little cool to me at first, but as long as we didn't mention Sam, things between us improved. Mom tried to help smooth things over by making me take Sam and Nick to their soccer game. I watched their game. As usual, Sam played great. I complimented him and responded by saying "_f_u_c_k_ you, asshole." Yeah, he was still ticked off. Nick looked at me and shrugged. He didn't want to be in the middle, and I wasn't going to do that to him. When we got in the car, I apologized to Sam again. No one was around but Nick, so I figured there was no one to prevent him from telling me off. Again, he just glared at me.
For the rest of the week, Sam gave me the cold shoulder. Every night at dinner, he glared at me. He sits directly across from me, so it's was hard not to notice this. Dinner was normally full of jokes and "how was your day?", but every day this week it was eerily silent. Sam spoke to me only when he absolutely had to. By Friday, this was getting old. Really old. I had apologized to him several times. I know I broke his trust and broke our pact, but I can't fix this myself. I even overheard Nick telling him to lighten up. Sam responded by taking a swing at Nick.
Friday night as we were getting ready for dinner, Mom, Nick, Sam and I were in the kitchen. The dogs were there too. Mom told me to get glasses for the drinks and for Sam to set the table. The cabinet that had the glasses also had plates. I grabbed five plates and tried to hand them to Sam. He wouldn't take them from me. Instead, he reached past me and grabbed five more plates.
I flipped. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back towards me. Then I grabbed the plates from him, slammed them on the counter, grabbed Sam by the shirt and shoved him up against the wall. The dogs went running out of the kitchen.
"What?!" I yelled. "What do you want from me, Sammy?"
He glared. I swear he can make glaring an art form.
I shoved him back against the wall. "HUH? I've apologized to you about a million times. What? What do you want? What more do you want!?"
"Get off me!" he yelled.
Finally, something other then "_f_u_c_k_ you, asshole". I suspect having my mother nearby was the reason he changed his words. "Not until you talk to me!" shoving him again.
More glaring. I really wanted to rearrange his face. "It's not right" he said through his teeth.
Letting his shirt go, I smoothed it out. I still had him pinned up against the wall. "I know, Sam. I know I screwed up. I'm so sorry I lied to you. I should have just told you I didn't want you smoking. Sammy, I'm sorry."
"You lied!" I could see he was still angry, but the glare was softening. A little.
"Yes, I know. What do you want? What do you want me to do? I can't take it back. If I could, I would. Look, I've apologized to you, I've left you alone - gave you space. Geez, I got my ass whipped, what more do you want from me??" I asked loudly.
"That's bull! You got your ass whipped for smoking," he accused.
"Yeah, that was part of it, but I also got whipped for lying to you," I told him.
"No, you didn't! Dad caught you and Nick behind the greenhouse. That's what he whipped you for," Sam accused.
"Is that what you think?" Without looking, I called, "Nick? How many times did Dad whip you?"
"Three times," he answered.
"THREE?? That's IT?" I shook my head and muttered "sucks to be the oldest". "Yeah, Ok, Nick got busted three times. You know how many I got? I got twenty! Four for smoking, six for giving YOU cigarettes and then TEN for lying to you. That's twenty. Don't tell me I only got my ass kicked for Dad catching me behind the greenhouse."
Sammy's face went blank. "Dad whipped you for lying to me?"
"Yeah, Einstein, when do we ever not get our asses busted for lying?" I retorted angrily.
"I dunno.... But I thought that was only when we lied to Mom or Dad...." Sam's voice trailed off.
"So you've been putting me through hell this week because you didn't think I got in trouble for lying to you?"
"I dunno....yeah..... I mean, I even kinda understand why you lied, but you could have just told me and not lied. You ..... hurt me.... and .... I thought you.... got away with it, or something like that.... You know, I didn't feel .... justice."
"That's messed up, Sam," told him.
"I'm ...sorry I've been acting like an ass this week," Sam said softly.
"Yeah.....I'm sorry I lied to you. I promise, I'll never lie to you again," I told him.
Sam smiled at me, "Cool." Felt like a ton of lead was lifted from my chest.
I still had Sam backed up against the wall. I stepped back from him and turned around. Mom and Nick were sitting on the counter looking at us and Dad was sitting at the kitchen table.
"So, guys, every thing cool now?" Mom asked.
I looked at Sam. He smiled and said "Yeah, we're cool."
"Good, cause I was about ready to put both of you over my knee," Mom announced. She said it jokingly but I think there might have been a hint of truth behind it. I doubt she would have spanked us, but I have no doubt that she would have done something.
"Why?" Sam asked.
"Cause you two have been driving me nuts all week," Mom said smiling. "And, if you boys don't get that table set for dinner, I will beat your butts! Now, get movin'! I'm hungry!"
We ate the first non-silent dinner in a week. I never took a drag off another cigarette, nor have I ever lied to either of my brothers again.