The year that David went off to college, A. J. turned nine in June and I was going to be eleven in October. Drew, Cole and Petey were taking A. J. to a biker barbecue for his birthday and naturally, I was invited to go along.

We dressed in A. J.'s jeans, shirts and cowboy boots. He had cool clothes, not the kid stuff that my family kept me in. Cole used a stick of charcoal to give us fake five 'o clock shadows then put some smudges around my eyes to highlight their shape. It made me look even more Asian. I wanted to wash that off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Besides, everyone seemed pleased at the effect. Petely put some goopy stuff in our hair and tied bandanas around of foreheads. Wow, we looked bad!

Before we left, I had to rush next door to show my family and get their approval. They thought it was amusing and my mom commented that I looked about fourteen. That was like giving me a present! However, David, who always kept me in elastic-waist shorts and cartoon T-shirts, looked uncomfortable with the change.

That incident caused a subtle shift in my relationship with David. After he had first spanked me that time, he took being a big brother very seriously. Too seriously. He bathed me every day, chose my clothes, inspected my teeth, ears, fingernails and sometimes even my briefs in front of my parents. He made sure my homework was done, supervised my piano practice and chores. He took over my life.

He also taught me about _s_e_x_. Three or four nights a week he would come through the door of our shared bathroom, pull me out of my pyjamas and teach me how to give him pleasure. At first it was kissing and how to nibble on ears and nipples, then how to hold him without gagging. Then all the subtleties: when to use my teeth and how hard; when to use only lips; how and when to use my tongue; when and how to apply pressure; when to let go; when to relax.

It was mind-boggling for an eight year old so he kept at it until I got it right. So many nights sobbing, I could hardly breathe with my nose running and him stuffed down my airway. When I'd cry and complain he'd threaten to take me out in the boat and dump me at sea or arrange to have me sent back to California away from my mom, A. J. and Cole. He would also take my little albondigas into his mouth, bite down and scare me to death that I would be left bleeding and emasculated.

My parents were so into each other, they didn't really notice how subservient I had become to David. In some ways they liked it, because it looked good for all their friends. They entertained a lot and before bed I was paraded around, hand in hand with my big brother, to say good night. David would have scrubbed my skin so hard in the bath that it shone, my hair was neatly combed and he would dress me in ridiculous cowboy or rocketship pyjamas that a five year old would wear. My manners were impeccable because if they weren't, I knew David would haul my pants down and spank me right then and there.

I could always hear the comments. "Look how David loves his new little brother."

"Look how David is so good with him. One of these days, David's going to be a terrific father."

"You see, it doesn't even matter to David that the boy isn't white." On the contrary, David was very aware that I wasn't white.

He was the one who used to moan, "Oh yes, chinadoll, that's it, that's the way!"

Handsome David, 'A' student, football star, the good son.

When the show was over, he'd lift me up onto his hip and carry me upstairs. Everyone always said what a perfect little family we had become.

Even Sarah got a shot at me. It had been going on for months and she came into our bathroom to borrow a hair dryer. She heard me crying and looked into my room. She got an eyeful and was going to tell, so David told her to kiss me on the mouth. Not on your life, the look on her face said. He told her to shut her eyes and forget how old I was. Then he pushed me towards her with a look that said I'd better do my best. So I kissed her, probing with my tongue and nibbling on her lips the way I'd been taught. The hated sister grabbed me and kissed me back.

I thought I was safe. Not so, she wanted me in her room the next night.

She was so rough and I hadn't been trained for her blueprints. I didn't like her perfume and it tasted bad. When I finally got the hang of what she wanted, she seemed really pleased and that would please David.. My tongue got so sore because she was going for some sort of personal record. When at last I left, I was miserable, went to my parent's room and climbed into their bed. I had never done that before. It did not get past them that I was naked and reeked of Sarah's scent.

Not wanting to be thrown out of the house, I told them that I had a bad dream and went to Sarah for comfort. That was such a obvious lie, but they didn't catch it. I spent the night in my mother's arms and David was cautioned the next day to keep me out of Sarah's room. It wasn't right for a boy my age to be naked with a seventeen year old girl. That was the truth.

Well, I got an especially horrific spanking for going to my parents. David spanked me for every infraction of his unspoken rules.

Sometimes he'd be gentle with me, though. On nights he was going to leave me alone, he'd massage baby lotion into my skin after the bath, paying particular attention to my hands and feet. Then he'd rub it into the cleft of my buttocks and that felt good.

Pretty soon that's not all he was rubbing there. One of his favorite things to do was take me to the garage and put me on his lap in one of the cars. What he did was lower my pants and his zipper, then rub up against me while we both held on to the steering wheel. When no one else was home, we'd both be naked, he liked the feel of leather on his ass. I was always petrified that he'd get carried away and skewer me.

After he saw me dressed in A. J.'s clothes that June day, all he thought about it seemed, was skewering me. He must have realized that not only was I growing up, which he had stubbornly tried to ignore, but he was off to college in September and he wanted to complete my education. David started using his finger to penetrate me, trying to teach me to relax. I just couldn't and he was getting really frustrated. He started hitting me across the face, something he seldom did. Once he even gave me a black eye and told our parents that we had been playing 'catch' and I'd been hit by the ball. They believed him.

I tried to fight back by pinching and biting him. David made sure that our parents saw the bite marks. They encouraged him to bite me back, but no, he protested. He could never hurt a little kid. I got a lecture on bacteria in the human mouth from my mom and a hard bite to the forearm and a spanking from Daddy.

On another occasion, he caught A. J. and me playing with each other. He made it clear that I was to stay away from anyone else by spanking me and splitting my lip. A. J. was terrified of him and didn't tell anyone. David also had another quirk that led to his downfall.

One night, a month before he was to leave, he was determined that we were going to have a successful session with his finger. The house was empty and he had me practice the piano as I always did when no one was home, nude. He stood behind me, also naked, stroking a massive hard on as he watched my hands flying over the keys. There was a small towel to catch his cum on the piano and my teddy bear, that I had begun to carry around again. Both of us were concentrating on the music and didn't notice Daddy come in. He hit the roof!

David was told to go to the study and I was whisked up into Daddy's arms and carried there. We both stood in front of his desk, David visibly trembling and me, clutching my bear, crying. Daddy asked me if it was the first time we had done that. I couldn't speak, so I shook my head 'no'. Then he asked if we did anything else naked together. Stupidly, I dropped to my knees in front of David but I was too short that way to properly reach him, that's why we usually did it on the bed. Nonetheless, Daddy understood my meaning.

He jerked me to my feet, asked how long I had been doing that and I croaked out, "Since you went on your honeymoon." With that, he smacked David across the face.

Then Daddy wanted to know if I had been penetrated. I nodded yes, then again stupidly, I added that only with his finger because he was trying to teach me how to relax and that night he had planned to do it with his _c_o_c_k_ because he was going to college. It came out in a spurt!

Daddy flew around the desk and punched David, then pushed me out into the hall and told me to wait there. It sounded like a fight going on, shouting, crashing sounds and crying. I cried right along. The door opened and I was called in.

David was a bloody pulp. Daddy was crying as he sat on the desk, kept one foot on the floor and put one on David's back. Then he yanked me over his knee and spanked me for not coming to him. It seemed so unfair and I tried to explain why I didn't, but he wasn't listening. I hurled my bear at David.

When it was over, Daddy put me on my feet and said to David, "Give your little brother his teddy bear back and get across this desk. You're getting the paddle next!" I took the blood-stained toy and was going to run away to my room, but Daddy made me stay and watch.